Interpersonal Communication in Romantic and Family Relationships
supportiveness
a person's feeling of assurance that others care about and will protect him or her
evaluative feedback
a reply that offers an assessment of what the speaker has said or done
non-evaluative feedback
a reply that withholds assessment of what the speaker has said or done
endorsment
a signal that you agree with what another person has said
interdependence
a state in which each person's behavior affects everyone else in the relationship
dialectical tensions
conflicts between two important but opposing needs or desires
control vs. problem orientation
control oriented messages manipulate others to act only a specific way, problem oriented messages encourage collaboration and creative thinking
conflict-avoiding couples
deal with disagreement indirectly rather than openly (ex: "agree to disagree, believe most conflicts will resolve themselves)
predictability
desire for consistency and stability
openness
desire for disclosure and honesty
novelty
desire for fresh, new experiences
connection
desire to be close to others
evaluation vs. description
evaluative messages express an opinion on the value or worth of another person's behaviors. Descriptive messages provide detail about the person's behaviors without passing judgement
defensivness
excessive concern with guarding oneself against the threat of criticism
hostile couples
experience frequent and intense conflict (harsh tones of voice, name calling, blaming, etc)
Do intimate relationship have higher or lower interdependence?
higher
blamer
holds others responsible for whatever goes wrong
impervious response
ignoring that someone is there
offer support
included sharing your perceptions of the situation and confirming the validity of the problem
paraphrase
repeating what someone has said in your own words
rituals
repetitive behaviors that have special meaning for group or relationship
irrelevant response
replying to someone's message with a completely unrelated statement
interdependent couples
see themselves as being interdependent of social expectations for marriage
intimacy
significant emotional closeness experienced in a relationship
separate couples
similar to traditional couples except that the spouses are autonomous rather than interdependent
experimenting stage
stage of relationship development when individuals have conversations to learn more about each other, identity management, small talk, search for common ground
strategy vs. spontaneity
strategic messages withhold info in an attempt to control the listener, spontaneous messages express thoughts and desires openly and honestly
traditional couples
take a culturally conventional approach to marriage, gender typical divisions
volatile couples
talk about disagreements openly, but in a way that is competitive rather than cooperative (ex: trying to persuade other to see their point of view)
validating couples
talk about their disagreements openly and cooperatively (ex: stay calm, defuse tension)
closedness
the desire to keep certain facts, thoughts, ideas to oneself
communication climate
the emotional tone of a relationship
family of origin
the family in which one grows up in (parents and siblings)
family of procreation
the family one starts as an adult (spouse and children)
autonomy
the feeling of wanting to be one's own person
divorce
the legal discontinuation of a marriage
recognition
the most basic act of confirmation is to recognize that another person exists and is worthy of your attention
bonding stage
the of relationship development when the partners publicly announce their committment
placater
the peacemaker who will go any length to reduce conflict
investment
the resources we put into our relationships
In what relationship stage is contact minimized?
Avoiding Stage
In what relationship stage is there physical and communication separation? (ignoring)
Avoiding Stage
In what relationship stage is there a public display of commitment? (engagement, marriage, commitment ceremonies)
Bonding Stage
In what relationship stage is there boundaries and nothing to talk about?
Circumscribing Stage
In what relationship stage to interactants reduce the scope of their contact and commitment to another and limit the relationship?
Circumscribing Stage
In what relationship stage do interactants notice differences rather than similarities?
Differentiating Stage
In what relationship stage do interactants reestablish their individual identities?
Differentiating Stage
In what relationship stage do interactants have small talk?
Experimenting Stage
In what relationship stage do interactants search for common ground?
Experimenting Stage
In what relationship stage is there identity management?
Experimenting Stage
In what relationship stage is there an increased amount of contact?
Intensifying Stage
In what relationship stage is the relationship over?
Terminating Stage
commitment
a desire to stay in a relationship
What do invest into relationships?
-time -energy -attention -other resources
Types of Dialectical Tensions
-autonomy vs. connection -openness vs. closedness -predictability vs. novelty
Intimate Relationships Require:
-deep commitment -foster independence -continuous investment -spark dialectical tensions
Types of Committment:
-emotional commitment -social commitment -legal and financial commitment
Dimensions of Intimacy
-emotional intimacy -physical -intellectual -shared activites
Characteristics of Romantic Relationships
-exclusivity -voluntariness -love -sexuality -permanence
Types of families
-family of origin -family of procreation
Communication Issues in Families:
-family roles -family rituals -family stories -family secrets
What makes a family?
-genetic ties -legal obligations -role behaviors
Types of Disconfirming Messages:
-impervious response -verbal abuse -generalize complaining -irrelevant response -impersonal response
What are Strategies of Intensifying a Relationship?
-increased contact -relationship negotiation -social support -definition bids -affection tokens
Types of non-evaluative feedback:
-probe -paraphrase -offer support
Types of Evaluative Feedback
-provide praise -criticize constructively
Types of Confirming Messages
-recognition -acknowledgement -endorsement
Types of couples when dealing with conflict
-validating couples -volatile couples -conflict avoiding couples -hostile couples
4 Family Roles in Conflict
1. blamer 2. placater 3. computer 4. distacter
10 Main Reasons Couples Come Apart
1. bored with relationship 2. differences in interests 3. desire to be independent 4. differences in background 5. conflicting ideas about sex 6. conflicting ideas about marriage 7. living too far apart 8. interest in someone else 9. differences in intelligence 10. pressure from parents
Steps of Ending a Relationship:
1. differentiating 2. circumscribing 3. stagnating 4. avoiding 5. terminating
6 Types of Messages That Promote Defensiveness:
1. evaluation vs. description 2. control vs. problem orientation 3. strategy vs. spontaneity 4. neutrality vs. empathy 5. superiority vs. equality 6. certainty vs. provisionalism
Knapp's Relationship Stages
1. initiating 2. experimenting 3. intensifying 4. integrating 5. bonding
In what relationship stage are interactants highly polite and conventional?
Initiating Stage
In what relationship stage do interactants express intersest in one another?
Initiating Stage
In what relationship stage do you first meet?
Initiating Stage
In what relationship stage is the POV Theory
Initiating Stage
In what relationship stage do interactants begin to take on a single identity?
Integrating Stage
In what relationship stage do interactants need relational identity?
Integrating Stage
In what relationship stage do interactants present themselves as a couple?
Integrating Stage
In what relationship stage are nicknames and terms of endearment?
Intensifying Stage
In what relationship stage do interactants move from acquaintances to close friends?
Intensifying Stage
In what relationship stage is breadth and depth increased for self-disclosure?
Intensifying Stage
verbal abuse
an overt form of disconfirming message that involves using words to hurt people emotionally and psychologically
probe
asking questions that will give you more info about what the person is experiencing, asking specific rather than general quesitions
computer
attempts to use logic and reason, rather than emotion, to diffuse the situation
Equity Theory
balancing is essential for the success of the relationship
disconfirming messages
behaviors that imply a lack of regard for another person
confirming messages
behaviors that indicate how much we value another person
generalized complaining
complaints that indict the other person's value or character ("Why cant you be a better sister?")
distracter
makes random irrelevant comments so the rest of the family will forget the conflict
certainty vs. provisionalism
messages of certainty offer inflexible conclusions with no room for debate, provisional messages offer ideas flexibly in hope of generating diolouge
superiority vs. equality
messages of superiority encourage division and "us versus them" mentality, messages of equality emphasize inclusiveness and minimize status differences between people
acknowledgement
more positive form of confirmation is to acknowledge another persons' thoughts and feelings
neutrality vs. empathy
neutral statements imply a lack of concern for the well being of others, empathic statements convey concern for what others are feeling experiencing
integrating stage
the stage of relationship development when a deep commitment has formed, and there's a strong sense that the relationship has it's own identity, relational identity
intensifying stage
the stage of relationship development when individuals move from being acquaintances to be close friends
initiating stage
the stage of relationship development when people meet and interact for the first time, POV theory
circumscribing stage
the stage of relationship dissolution characterized by decreased quality and quantity of communication between partners
differentiating stage
the stage of relationship dissolution when partners begin to see their differences as undesirable or annoying
avoiding stage
the stage of relationship dissolution when partners create physical and emotional distance between themselves
terminating stage
the stage of relationship dissolution when the relationship is deemed to be officially over
stagnating stage
the stage of relationship dissolution when the relationship stops growing and the partners are barely communicating with each other
communication privacy management theory
theory that explains how people manage the tension between privacy and disclosure
impersonal response
when you reply to someone's words with a cliche that conveys no real empathy