Chapter 5, I: Principles of Verbal Messages

F. Messages vary in assertiveness

1. Assertive people operate with an "I win, you win" philosophy; assertive people assert their own rights but do not hurt others in the process. 2. Suggestions for communicating assertiveness:

C. Language is denotative and connotative

1. Denotation 2. Connotation

B. Meanings are in people

1. In order to uncover the meanings you must look at what words mean to people, not just the words themselves. 2. Bypassing—common pattern of miscommunication where two people use different words with the same meaning, or when two people use the same words but have different meanings for those words.

G. Messages can deceive

1. Lying 2. Types of lies 3. Truth bias 4. Lie bias

E. Messages vary in politeness

1. Polite messages reflect positively on the other person and respect the other person's right to be independent and autonomous. 2. Direct messages are usually less polite than indirect messages because they infringe on the person's negative face needs

D. Meanings depend on context

1. The cultural context 2. The gender context

I. Principles of Verbal Messages

A. Verbal messages B. Meanings are in people C. Language is denotative and connotative D. Meanings depend on context E. Messages vary in politeness F. Messages vary in assertiveness G. Messages can deceive

1. The cultural context

a. The principle of cooperation b. The principle of peaceful relations c. The principle of face-saving d. The principle of self-denigration

A. Verbal messages

are sent with words, can be written or oral

d. The principle of self-denigration

avoid taking credit for accomplishments and to minimize your abilities or talents in conversation.

1. Denotation

dictionary definition or meaning.

2. Connotation

emotional meaning specific to the individual

a. Snarl words

highly negative words that include sexist, racist, or heterosexist language and hate speech.

b. Purr words

highly positive words

a. The principle of cooperation in details

i. Maxim of quality ii. Maxim of relation iii. Maxim of manner iv. Maxim of quantity

a. The principle of cooperation

in any communication interaction, both parties will make an effort to help each other understand each other

3. Truth bias

in most situations, we assume that the person is telling the truth

2. The gender context

men and women differ in politeness, agreement, conflict, directness, and power.

c. The principle of face-saving

never embarrass anyone, especially in public

4. Lie bias

situations in which you assume that the person is lying.

1. Lying

the act of sending messages with the intention of giving another person information you believe to be false.

2. Suggestions for communicating assertiveness

a. Describe the problem. b. State how this problem affects you. c. Propose solutions. d. Confirm understanding.

2. Types of lies

a. Pro-social deception b. Self-enhancement deception c. Selfish deception d. Anti-social deception

a. Pro-social deception

to achieve some good.

d. Anti-social deception

to harm someone

b. Self-enhancement deception

to make yourself look good.

c. Selfish deception

to protect yourself

b. The principle of peaceful relations

when you communicate, your primary goal is to maintain peaceful relationships.