COM 225
Birds-of-a-feather effect
(Similarity) we are attracted to those we perceive as similar to ourselves
Sharing Activities
(maintenance strategy)
Sharing Tactics
(maintenance strategy)
openness
(maintenance strategy) emerges
Positivity
(maintenance strategy) most reported relationship tactic
Assurances
(maintenance strategy) reaffirm their commitment to each other
Beautiful-is-good effect
(physical attractiveness) Naturally view attractive people as being good communicators, intelligent, and well adjusted without even knowing them
Matching
(physical attractiveness)tend to form longer relationships with people we judge as similar to ourselves
Mere exposure effect
(proximity) you feel more attracted to people who you interact with more and vice versa
Storge
Friendly lovers. Love should be stable, predictable, and rooted in friendship.
Low Power Distance Cultures
People in high status positions strive to minimize the differences between themselves and the low status people
Personal currency
Physical beauty, intelligence, communication skills, and sense of humor
power's defining characteristics (5)
Power is always present, power can be used ethically or unethically, power is granted, power influences most conflicts, power currencies
Pragma
Practical lovers. Love should be logical, rational, and founded in common sense
What kind of currency is granted power to in Asian and Latino cultures
Resource currency
Loyalty strategy
a passive, constructive approach to crises avoid confronting the problem suppress the discussion of it
Neglect Strategy
a passive, destructive approach to crises withdraw from the relationship cut back on time you spend together
Voice strategy
an active, constructive approach to crises
Exit Strategy
an active, destructive approach to crises threatening to leave or actually leaving
equity
balance of benefits and costs exchanged by you and the other person
Relational Dialectics
tendencies manifest themselves as competing impulses, or tensions, between our selves and our feelings toward others
52% of women and 66% of men reported...
that they had been physically assaulted during conflicts.
Integrative Agreements
two sides preserve and attain their goals by developing a creative solution to the problem. Must remain committed to original goals.
Collectivistic Cultures
view messages regarding conflict as personal attacks. Manage conflict through avoidance or accommodation
choice
we enter romantic relationships through choice. It does not strike us out of the blue.
Social Exchange Theory
you'll feel drawn to those you see as offering substantial benefits with few associated costs
Israel "sexual betrayal"
"eating to the side"
Japan "sexual Betrayal"
"going off the path"
Patriarchy
"the rule of fathers" Men hold the authority. Denying women to power currencies.
What are the four ways people manage conflict?
(AACC) Avoiding, Accommodating, Competing, Collaborating
___% of people report having an acquaintance, friend, or family member in a romantic relationship with someone they met online
15%
___% of people who recalled having discovered a lie reported breaking up heir romantic relationship because of that lie
16%
___% of women and men would consider divorce if a spouse passionately kissed someone else
20%
Only ___% of equitable romances broke up during a several month period
23%
___% of people would divorce if spouse had romantic date
30%
across a 3-month period, ___% of college dating couples broke up
30%
__% of american adults know someone who has used an online matchmaking service
31%
Where is united states ranked for gender-equal nations?
31st
Divorce rate is around ___%
40%
___% of inequitable romances broke up
54%
___% of men said that sex would upset them more if cheated on
60%
___% of people would divorce if spouse had serious affair
60%
___% of interethnic marriages end in divorce because of lack of network support
67%
Where is united states ranked in terms of women's political empowerment?
69th
___% of people have reported using the internet to meet and date new partners
74%
___% of women said they'd find emotional attachment more distressing
83%
___% of people using online dating sites report having met others who they felt had misrepresented their physical attractiveness
86%
_____% of undergraduates said that sexual attraction was critical when distinguishing being in love.
87%
Women's Educational Opportunities compared to Men's
92%
Women's health and medical support compared to mens
96%
Liking
A feeling of affection and respect that we typically have for our friends
Accommodating Conflict
A person abandons their own goals and accepts the other persons desires.
Social network currency
A person who is linked with a network of friends, family, or acquaintances who have substantial influence
Passionate love
A state of intense emotional and physical longing for union with another.
Demand Withdraw Pattern
A women pursues conflict by demanding that her goals be met and a man responds by withdrawing from the encounter
power
Ability to influence or control other people and events
Individualistic Cultures
Agree to disagree and don't see clashes as personal affronts. Manage conflict through competition or collaboration
High tension, Lower relationship satisfaction, longer and more conflict
Avoidance long term outcomes
High Authoritarian
Believe that authority figures should be believed and obeyed - From high power distance cultures
Structural Improvements
Can result if people involved are able to control their negative emotions. Conflict itself becomes a vehicle for reshaping the relationship in positive ways.
Higher relationship satisfaction, less conflict
Collaborative Long term outcomes
Loving
Deeper and more intense emotional commitment and consists of three components: Intimacy, Caring, and Attachment
Power Distance
Degree to which people VIEW the unequal distribution of power as acceptable
Coming Apart
Differentiating, Circumscribing, Stagnating, Avoiding, Terminating
Dirty Secrets
Escalation can lead to this. Messages that have been kept hidden to protect a partner get revealed.
Sudden Death Statements
Escalation can lead to this. When people say they want to end the relationship.
Agape
Forgiving lovers. Love should be patient, selfless, giving, and unconditional.
Skirting
Form of avoidance. A person avoids a serious source of conflict by joking or changing the subject.
Sniping
Form of avoidance. communicating negatively and then abandoning the conflict by physically leaving the scene.
Ludus
Game-playing lovers. Love should be uncommitted, fun and played like a game.
coming together
Initiating, Experimenting, Intensifying, Integrating, Bonding
Companionate love
Intense form of liking defined by emotional investment and deeply intertwined lives. Many long term romantic relationships evolve into companionate love.
High Power Distance Countries
Malaysia, Panama, Guatemala, Philippines, Mexico, Venezuela, China
Self-perpetuating
Motivated couples who believe they can solve their problems - more likely to resolve conflict cooperatively
High Power Distance Cultures
Normal for people to be widely separated in terms of their power. Privileged treatment and extreme respect.
Low Power Distance Countries
Norway, Sweden, Ireland, New Zealand, Denmark, Israel, Austria
Avoiding Conflict
Notice the persons rude behavior but you won't directly communicate about it or challenge it.
Mania
Obsessive lovers. Love should be intense, tumultuous, extreme, and all-consuming
Tensions
Opposing tendencies
5 important facts regarding its experience and expression
Passionate love is driven by idealization People from all cultures feel passionate love No gender or age differences exist in passionate love For adults, passionate love is linked with sexual desire
Competition Conflict
Pursue your own goals excluding theirs. More common online. People with more power currencies are more inclined to do this
Cumulative annoyance
Risk of the avoidance conflict. As we keep avoiding the conflict, our annoyance grows. Result is sudden explosion of anger.
Pseudo-Conflict
Risk of the avoidance conflict. Perception that conflict exists when it does not.
Escalation
Risk of the competition conflict. Dramatic rise in emotional intensity and increasingly negative and aggressive communication
Eros
Romantic lovers. Love should be sentimental, romantic, idealistic, and committed
Short Term Conflict Resolutions
Separation, Domination, Compromise, Integrative Agreements, Structural Improvements
Separation
Short term conflict resolution. The sudden withdrawal of one person from the encounter.
Domination
Short term conflict resolution. When a person gets his or her way by influencing the other to engage in accommodation and abandon their goals. "Win-Lose" Destructive when it becomes a chronic pattern
Moderate Power Distance Countries
Spain, Pakistan, Italy, South Africa, Hungary, Jamaica, United States
Expertise currency
Special skills or knowledge
Top 5 gender equal nations
Sweden Finland Norway Iceland Spain
Resource currency
The person has material things like money, property and food that you want. (parents, managers)
Proximity
The simple fact of being in ones presence exerts much impact on romantic attraction
kitchen Sinking
Throw accusations at each other that have nothing to do with the disagreement
Conflict
Transactional process between people who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, or interference in achieving their objects
Collaboration Conflict
Treating conflict as a mutual problem-solving challenge. Openly discuss incompatibility of goals. Use rhetorical messages - Increases relationship satisfaction
Autonomy Vs. Connection
We form romantic relationships largely out of desire to bond with other people yet if we don't want our individuality to dissolve, we may choose to pull back and reclaim some of our autonomy.
Novelty Vs. Predictability
We like to be able to know how our partner acts for security yet predictability can get boring and the novelty starts to wear off
Compromise
both parties change their goals to make them compatible. Effective in situations with people of equal power.
Low Authoritarian
challenge authority figures and engage in conflict with people who have more power than you
12% of women and 11% of men reported...
committing physical violence
Diversity
diversity in the ages and genders of the partners, as well as in their ethnic and religious backgrounds
4 pillars of gender equality
economic opportunity, educational access, political representation, and physical health
Small talk
facts that you and the other person consider relatively unimportant but enable you to introduce yourselves. - important
Openness Vs. Protection
form of relational dialect. As relationships become more intimate, we naturally exchange more personal information with our partners but also want to keep certain aspects of our selves protected.
Social Networks
more likely to survive if important members of the couples social networks approve the relationship
inequity
occurs when the benefits or contributions provided by one person are greater than those provided by the other
Women's political representation compared to mens
only 14%
Women's economic opportunities compared to mens
only 58%
5 key elements of romantic relationships
perception, diversity, choice, tensions,
Resources
physical attractiveness, intelligence, humor, money, and sexual interplay
perception
romantic relationship exists whenever the two partners perceive it does. They have to perceive the relationship the same way