COM 225

Birds-of-a-feather effect

(Similarity) we are attracted to those we perceive as similar to ourselves

Sharing Activities

(maintenance strategy)

Sharing Tactics

(maintenance strategy)

openness

(maintenance strategy) emerges

Positivity

(maintenance strategy) most reported relationship tactic

Assurances

(maintenance strategy) reaffirm their commitment to each other

Beautiful-is-good effect

(physical attractiveness) Naturally view attractive people as being good communicators, intelligent, and well adjusted without even knowing them

Matching

(physical attractiveness)tend to form longer relationships with people we judge as similar to ourselves

Mere exposure effect

(proximity) you feel more attracted to people who you interact with more and vice versa

Storge

Friendly lovers. Love should be stable, predictable, and rooted in friendship.

Low Power Distance Cultures

People in high status positions strive to minimize the differences between themselves and the low status people

Personal currency

Physical beauty, intelligence, communication skills, and sense of humor

power's defining characteristics (5)

Power is always present, power can be used ethically or unethically, power is granted, power influences most conflicts, power currencies

Pragma

Practical lovers. Love should be logical, rational, and founded in common sense

What kind of currency is granted power to in Asian and Latino cultures

Resource currency

Loyalty strategy

a passive, constructive approach to crises avoid confronting the problem suppress the discussion of it

Neglect Strategy

a passive, destructive approach to crises withdraw from the relationship cut back on time you spend together

Voice strategy

an active, constructive approach to crises

Exit Strategy

an active, destructive approach to crises threatening to leave or actually leaving

equity

balance of benefits and costs exchanged by you and the other person

Relational Dialectics

tendencies manifest themselves as competing impulses, or tensions, between our selves and our feelings toward others

52% of women and 66% of men reported...

that they had been physically assaulted during conflicts.

Integrative Agreements

two sides preserve and attain their goals by developing a creative solution to the problem. Must remain committed to original goals.

Collectivistic Cultures

view messages regarding conflict as personal attacks. Manage conflict through avoidance or accommodation

choice

we enter romantic relationships through choice. It does not strike us out of the blue.

Social Exchange Theory

you'll feel drawn to those you see as offering substantial benefits with few associated costs

Israel "sexual betrayal"

"eating to the side"

Japan "sexual Betrayal"

"going off the path"

Patriarchy

"the rule of fathers" Men hold the authority. Denying women to power currencies.

What are the four ways people manage conflict?

(AACC) Avoiding, Accommodating, Competing, Collaborating

___% of people report having an acquaintance, friend, or family member in a romantic relationship with someone they met online

15%

___% of people who recalled having discovered a lie reported breaking up heir romantic relationship because of that lie

16%

___% of women and men would consider divorce if a spouse passionately kissed someone else

20%

Only ___% of equitable romances broke up during a several month period

23%

___% of people would divorce if spouse had romantic date

30%

across a 3-month period, ___% of college dating couples broke up

30%

__% of american adults know someone who has used an online matchmaking service

31%

Where is united states ranked for gender-equal nations?

31st

Divorce rate is around ___%

40%

___% of inequitable romances broke up

54%

___% of men said that sex would upset them more if cheated on

60%

___% of people would divorce if spouse had serious affair

60%

___% of interethnic marriages end in divorce because of lack of network support

67%

Where is united states ranked in terms of women's political empowerment?

69th

___% of people have reported using the internet to meet and date new partners

74%

___% of women said they'd find emotional attachment more distressing

83%

___% of people using online dating sites report having met others who they felt had misrepresented their physical attractiveness

86%

_____% of undergraduates said that sexual attraction was critical when distinguishing being in love.

87%

Women's Educational Opportunities compared to Men's

92%

Women's health and medical support compared to mens

96%

Liking

A feeling of affection and respect that we typically have for our friends

Accommodating Conflict

A person abandons their own goals and accepts the other persons desires.

Social network currency

A person who is linked with a network of friends, family, or acquaintances who have substantial influence

Passionate love

A state of intense emotional and physical longing for union with another.

Demand Withdraw Pattern

A women pursues conflict by demanding that her goals be met and a man responds by withdrawing from the encounter

power

Ability to influence or control other people and events

Individualistic Cultures

Agree to disagree and don't see clashes as personal affronts. Manage conflict through competition or collaboration

High tension, Lower relationship satisfaction, longer and more conflict

Avoidance long term outcomes

High Authoritarian

Believe that authority figures should be believed and obeyed - From high power distance cultures

Structural Improvements

Can result if people involved are able to control their negative emotions. Conflict itself becomes a vehicle for reshaping the relationship in positive ways.

Higher relationship satisfaction, less conflict

Collaborative Long term outcomes

Loving

Deeper and more intense emotional commitment and consists of three components: Intimacy, Caring, and Attachment

Power Distance

Degree to which people VIEW the unequal distribution of power as acceptable

Coming Apart

Differentiating, Circumscribing, Stagnating, Avoiding, Terminating

Dirty Secrets

Escalation can lead to this. Messages that have been kept hidden to protect a partner get revealed.

Sudden Death Statements

Escalation can lead to this. When people say they want to end the relationship.

Agape

Forgiving lovers. Love should be patient, selfless, giving, and unconditional.

Skirting

Form of avoidance. A person avoids a serious source of conflict by joking or changing the subject.

Sniping

Form of avoidance. communicating negatively and then abandoning the conflict by physically leaving the scene.

Ludus

Game-playing lovers. Love should be uncommitted, fun and played like a game.

coming together

Initiating, Experimenting, Intensifying, Integrating, Bonding

Companionate love

Intense form of liking defined by emotional investment and deeply intertwined lives. Many long term romantic relationships evolve into companionate love.

High Power Distance Countries

Malaysia, Panama, Guatemala, Philippines, Mexico, Venezuela, China

Self-perpetuating

Motivated couples who believe they can solve their problems - more likely to resolve conflict cooperatively

High Power Distance Cultures

Normal for people to be widely separated in terms of their power. Privileged treatment and extreme respect.

Low Power Distance Countries

Norway, Sweden, Ireland, New Zealand, Denmark, Israel, Austria

Avoiding Conflict

Notice the persons rude behavior but you won't directly communicate about it or challenge it.

Mania

Obsessive lovers. Love should be intense, tumultuous, extreme, and all-consuming

Tensions

Opposing tendencies

5 important facts regarding its experience and expression

Passionate love is driven by idealization People from all cultures feel passionate love No gender or age differences exist in passionate love For adults, passionate love is linked with sexual desire

Competition Conflict

Pursue your own goals excluding theirs. More common online. People with more power currencies are more inclined to do this

Cumulative annoyance

Risk of the avoidance conflict. As we keep avoiding the conflict, our annoyance grows. Result is sudden explosion of anger.

Pseudo-Conflict

Risk of the avoidance conflict. Perception that conflict exists when it does not.

Escalation

Risk of the competition conflict. Dramatic rise in emotional intensity and increasingly negative and aggressive communication

Eros

Romantic lovers. Love should be sentimental, romantic, idealistic, and committed

Short Term Conflict Resolutions

Separation, Domination, Compromise, Integrative Agreements, Structural Improvements

Separation

Short term conflict resolution. The sudden withdrawal of one person from the encounter.

Domination

Short term conflict resolution. When a person gets his or her way by influencing the other to engage in accommodation and abandon their goals. "Win-Lose" Destructive when it becomes a chronic pattern

Moderate Power Distance Countries

Spain, Pakistan, Italy, South Africa, Hungary, Jamaica, United States

Expertise currency

Special skills or knowledge

Top 5 gender equal nations

Sweden Finland Norway Iceland Spain

Resource currency

The person has material things like money, property and food that you want. (parents, managers)

Proximity

The simple fact of being in ones presence exerts much impact on romantic attraction

kitchen Sinking

Throw accusations at each other that have nothing to do with the disagreement

Conflict

Transactional process between people who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, or interference in achieving their objects

Collaboration Conflict

Treating conflict as a mutual problem-solving challenge. Openly discuss incompatibility of goals. Use rhetorical messages - Increases relationship satisfaction

Autonomy Vs. Connection

We form romantic relationships largely out of desire to bond with other people yet if we don't want our individuality to dissolve, we may choose to pull back and reclaim some of our autonomy.

Novelty Vs. Predictability

We like to be able to know how our partner acts for security yet predictability can get boring and the novelty starts to wear off

Compromise

both parties change their goals to make them compatible. Effective in situations with people of equal power.

Low Authoritarian

challenge authority figures and engage in conflict with people who have more power than you

12% of women and 11% of men reported...

committing physical violence

Diversity

diversity in the ages and genders of the partners, as well as in their ethnic and religious backgrounds

4 pillars of gender equality

economic opportunity, educational access, political representation, and physical health

Small talk

facts that you and the other person consider relatively unimportant but enable you to introduce yourselves. - important

Openness Vs. Protection

form of relational dialect. As relationships become more intimate, we naturally exchange more personal information with our partners but also want to keep certain aspects of our selves protected.

Social Networks

more likely to survive if important members of the couples social networks approve the relationship

inequity

occurs when the benefits or contributions provided by one person are greater than those provided by the other

Women's political representation compared to mens

only 14%

Women's economic opportunities compared to mens

only 58%

5 key elements of romantic relationships

perception, diversity, choice, tensions,

Resources

physical attractiveness, intelligence, humor, money, and sexual interplay

perception

romantic relationship exists whenever the two partners perceive it does. They have to perceive the relationship the same way