COMM 3402 Final Exam
what emotions are involved in jealousy?
fear, anger, sadness, guilt, hurt and envy (sadness sometimes is more toward the end of the relationship) -sometimes, jealousy leads to positive emotions, such as increased passion, love, and appreciation
according to Baxter (1979) how do the vast majority of all relationships end?
one partner feels "trapped", feels smothered or like they are suffocating
why are we often unable to tell whether our partner is lying?
truth bias- people expect others to be honest, so they enter conversations without suspicion, truth biases are especially strong in close relationships and with people whom we like
what is demand-withdraw?
when one person wants to engage in conflict or makes demands on a partner and the other wants to avoid it
what is gunnysacking?
when people store up old grievances and then dump them on their partner all at once during a conflict
what's the percentage of couples that report interpersonal violence?
-16% of married -35% of cohabiting couples -30% of dating couples
study Duck's phase model and the catastrophe model; be able to give examples for each stage/phase.
*Duck's model states that five processes are likely to occur as people disengage from relationships.. 1. intrapsychic- reflecting on negative aspects of the relationship 2. dyadic- when dissastifed partners communicate negative thoughts 3. social- "going public" about the distress and problems within one's relationship 4. grave-dressing- coping with a breakup in a socially acceptable manner 5. resurrection- the end of the relationship marks the beginning of something new *Catastrophe Theory- provides an alternative way to describe and explain breakups by suggesting that relationships do not always de-escalate gradually but sometimes experience sudden death, events are discontinuous rather than linear
why do men and women react differently to emotional and sexual infidelity?
*Evolutionary hypothesis- predicts that men should get more upset over sexual infidelity than emotional where as women get more upset over emotional than sexual/ because of how we evolved as sexes *Double-shot hypothesis- predicts both men and women get most upset when finding out their partner has engaged in both sexual and emotional infidelity - men get most upset at sexual infidelity because they assume that women would not have sex with someone unless they loved them - women get most upset at emotional because they assume that their male partner had sex with another woman, and is most likely falling in love with that other woman
why is air thinner toward the top of the mountain, and how can couples get more of it?
*air becomes thinner at higher altitudes, spouse who ask their marriage to facilitate the fulfillment of their higher altitude needs find it easier to achieve success when they have built deep emotional bond, and a profound mutual insight with their partner. (Oxygen to reach Mount Maslow is plentiful, much easier to fulfill needs when the marriage is enriched with Oxygen)
in terms of jealousy, what are primary and secondary appraisals?
*primary appraisals- involve general evaluations about the existence and quality of a rival relationships, including the degree of the threat from the third party *secondary appraisals- involve more specific evaluations of jealousy situations, including possible causes and outcomes
according to Amato and Previti (2003), what are some major contributors to divorce and what are some sex differences?
*women- infidelity, alcohol, drug abuse, physical or psychological abuse and their partner not meeting family obligations *men- personality problems, lack of communication, or loss of love more examples- unhappiness in one's marriage, wishing to pursue better alternatives, undergoing personal change, financial problems, interference from family or one;s social network, physical or mental illness, and immaturity
what are three main explanations for the four horsemen of the apocalypse and why people don't engage in constructive conflict?
-Emotional Flooding: people become "surprised, overwhelmed, and disorganized" by their partner's "expression of negative emotion" ex) defensive, stubborn, angry/ button pushing, empty threats -Attributions: people attribute their partner's emotions to something outside of the relationship or on their partner's personality -Communication Skill Deficits: some people do not have the communication skills to engage in constructive conflict, these individuals are likely to feel attacked because they do no have the skills to respond effectively ex) general emotional expression, anger management, social support seeking and giving, and problem solving
how does Gottman predict divorce? Also, be able to describe his methods.
1. Harsh Start-up- negative beginning to the conversation 2. The Four Horsemen- criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling 3. Flooding- feeling physically and psychologically attacked and overwhelmed 4. Body Language 5. Failed Repair Attempt- efforts couples make to deescalate the tension during a touchy situation
learn the different reasons why people break up (give examples).
1. Infidelity, interest in a third party 2. Incompatibility/lack of shared interest 3. Drinking or drug use 4. Grew apart, priorities changed gradually 5. Partner's personality traits 6. Lack of communication 7. Physical or psychological abuse 8. Loss of love 9. Not meeting family responsibilities 10. Work problems, too focused on work
be able to describe the three historical marriage stages in the Finkel article.
1. The institutional model: Agrarian society and the practical marriage, in this model, the stability of the family was more important than the needs of the individual family members, spouses looked to their marriage to fulfill only psychological needs. ex) food, warmth, shelter, and saftey 2. The companionate model: Industrialization and the breadwinner-homemaker marriage, this model is based more on ties of affection and companionship between spouse. a. the romanticized marriage- 1850-1900, Americans increasingly viewed love as a virtual precondition for entering a marriage, however husbands and wives still spend their time very segregated, chaste love, more romance than sexual desire. b. The companionate marriage- 1900-1965, Americans began to add to the expectation of romanticized love a desire for deep intimacy, excitement, and sexual fulfillment, the emphasis on chastity weakened, and the focus on intimacy and connection strengthened. The ideal of intimacy and friendship in marriage became more achievable as the roles of women changed in society, and men became more accepting of this, therefore leading to husband and wives interacting in public settings together, as companions, not just interacting in the home. 3. The self-expressive model: The countercultural revolution and the self-expressive marriage, this new idea of expressive individualism revolved around individual's right to create their own identity and craft their own trajectory of personal growth, "the mutual exploration of infinitely rich, complex, and exciting selves", the primary function of marriage became to foster the spouses' personal growth. As women became more and more independent (sexual revolution, birth control, being able to draw the line between recreation and procreation), men and women acted more like partners, equals in the relationships. "Americans increasingly expected marriage to be encompassed by genuine friendship, partnership and respect between near-equals"
learn the five conflict styles and be able to give examples for each.
1. competitive- one partner always has to be right and have power over the other ex. accusations, threats, name-calling 2. compromising- searching for a fair, intermediate position that satisfies some of both partner's needs ex. meeting halfway, suggesting a trade off 3. collaborating- cooperative problem solving that helps people find creative solutions that satisfy both partner's needs and lead to a win-win situation ex. being supportive, accepting responsibility, brainstorming ideas 4. avoiding- refrain from arguing and refuse to confront their partners ex. avoiding, keeping quiet, pretending everything is okay 5. yielding- put their own goals aside in consideration for their partner's ex. putting one's needs aside, passively accepting the partner's decisions
what's the order of the cascade model (four horsemen)?
1. criticism (different from complaints) 2. defensiveness 3. contempt- toxic 4. stonewalling- toxic
be familiar with the seven principles and be able to give examples of exercises for each principle Gottman proposes.
1. enhance your love maps ex. remembering special anniversaries and dates, knowing special things about your partner no one else knows, show your love in a out of the ordinary way, or even a small way just to let them know you care (know the little things your partner cares about) 2. nurture your fondness and admiration ex. reminisce on special events you share together, focus on the things you admire about your partner (ask yourself what you admire about your partner) 3. turn toward each other instead of away ex. when in a stressful situation turn toward your partner, instead of shutting them out 4. let your partner influence you ex. validate each others opinions, learn from each other 5. solve your solvable problems ex. when conflicts arise, address them softly rather than escalating the situation making it worse (soft start ups) 6. overcome gridlock- not being able to find an accommodation for differences when it come to kids, way of life, religion ex. detect and discuss the dream or conflict calmly and soothe the conflict, and find a way to compromise 7. create shared meaning- a deep sense of what is meaningful about your lives as a whole ex. find shared values you have and create rituals for communication, sex, and everyday living
what does the accommodation principle say?
1. people have a tendency to retaliate or withdraw when their partner engages in negative behavior 2. accommodation occurs when people are able to overcome these initial tendencies and engage in cooperative rather than uncooperative communication to maintain their relationship 3. couples in satisfying, committed relationships more often use accommodation than couples in uncommitted or dissatisfying relationships
what is the difference between person and situation attributions? Be able to give an example.
1. personal- when people make personal attributions people believe the cause of the person's behavior is because of their personality ex. your husband forget your birthday, you convince yourself it is because he is forgetful 2. situational- when people make situational attributions people believe the cause of the other person's behavior what cause by external factors, such as context or situation ex. opposite- your husband forgot your birthday, you attribute this to the fact he has been very busy lately
what's the Gottman ratio?
5 positives for every negative interaction
what does the "paradoxical nature of hurt" mean?
??
what's the one phase that the Duck model has that the other two models don't have?
??
what are attributions?
A perceptual process of assigning reasons or causes to another's behavior, people are especially likely to make attributions about people's negative behavior ex) convincing yourself that the the reason your husband is upset at you is because he had a rough day at work
what's the difference between these models?
Duck's model for breakups state that relationships follow a clear linear path, stages, as it leads to breakup where as the Catastrophe Theory states that breakups can come out of nowhere, following no pattern
what are the needs from highest to lowest of the suffocation model?
Needs: (highest to lowest)/Mount Maslow 1. self-actualization -self-expression -personal growth -autonomy -spontanaeity -veridical self-assessment 2. esteem -self-esteem -self-respect -sense of mastery -prestige -respect from others 3. belonging and love -love others -be loved by others -trust others -sexual intimacy -belong to a group 4. safety -economic saftey -control -predictability -psychological safety -physical safety 5. psychological -hunger -thirst -warmth -sleep -respiration
what distinguishes a lie from a mistake?
a lie is when someone intentionally mislead others or concealed the truth, where as a mistake was an honest miscommunication of information and not intentional at all
be able to define deception.
a type of hurtful message, leads to feelings or betrayal and distrust, also is a negative violation of expectancies within a relationship
what can you say about conflict in close relationships: Conflict is good, bad, never happens, happens all the time?
conflict is "an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals" *can be good and bad/happens all the time*
what's the problem with advice to couples to "communicating better"?
couples who are told this are convinced that "communicating better" will solve all of their problems and it won't, there are other underlying problems, and lack of communication is just one of them, communicating better will not make all conflict disappear
which two jealousy communication strategies are associated with relational satisfaction?
integrative communication and compensatory communication
describe direct, non-aggressive communication in terms of distributive/integrative communication.
integrative is communication that involves disclosing feelings, such as having a calm discussion about hurtful behaviors and trying to reach an understanding so that jealousy can be avoided in the future ex. discussing your ex with your present partner, because they do not like that you are still friends, and it hurts your present partner to see you so friendly with each other right in front of him
what is verbal aggressiveness? be able to give an example.
involves attacking the other person's self-concept, often with the intention of hurting the other person ex. teasing, threatening, and criticizing the partner's character or appearance
what is an equivocation? be able to give an example.
involves making an indirect, ambiguous or contradictory statement, evasion ex. saying your friend's haircut is the "latest fashion", but in reality you hate it
what are the differences between jealousy and envy?
jealousy occurs when people worry that they might lose something they value ex. good relationship, high-status envy occurs when people want something valuable that someone else has ex. more intelligence, more money, better hair, clothes etc...
How would you describe emotionally intelligent marriages (and relationships)?
marriages where the couple keep their negative thoughts at bay and focus on the positives that keep their marriage running smoothly, they embrace each other's needs
who experiences more initial distress after an unwanted break up: men or women?
men
what's the most common way people break up (in terms of uni/bilateral, in/direct) Be able to give examples of uni/bilateral, in/direct strategies of breaking up.
most breakups are unilateral and indirect. (avoidance) ex. unilateral and indirect- avoidance, ghosting, relational ruses (manipulation), withdrawal of support and affection (stops providing comfort), pseudo de-escalation(saying the relationship needs space but is just leading to a break up), cost escalation(make the relationship unattractive) ex. bilateral and indirect- fading away(both partners realize the relationship is doomed) ex. unilateral and direct- the direct dump, dating other people, justification(good reason for breaking up), the relationship-talk trick, threats and bullying, positive tone(make the partner feel better about the break up), de-escalation(gradually lead to break up) ex. bilateral abd direct- the blame game(blaming the partner for problems that lead to break up), the negotiated farewell(usually for longterm breakups)
what are the outcomes of breaking up?
negative 1.negative emotions 2. loneliness 3. financial consequences 4. effects on children 5. health consequences positive 1. personal growth 2. opportunity to form new relationships
do distressed couples experience the least conflict?
no, every couple and relationship is different, every relationship experiences conflict regardless of the stress level ??
be able to describe the suffocation model, specifically the three properties.
the suffocation model has three properties: a. the needs people seek to be fulfilled are arranged hierarchically, with the lower need typically possessing greater motivational priority than higher needs. b. relative to the successful pursuit of lower needs, the successful pursuit of higher needs is more likely to require self-insight, and the development of such self-insight frequently requires considerable cognitive and psychological effort over a sustained period. c. the fulfillment of higher needs yields especially high levels of happiness, serenity, and richness of life.