conflict chapter 12 interplay
4 horsemen
1. contempt-belittle/demean others 2. criticism-attacks person's character 3. defensiveness-proteting self by denying 4.stonewalling-person withdraws
Symmetrical conflict style
a relationship in which both people use the same tactics
Complementary conflict style
a relationship in which the partners use different but mutally reinforcing behaviors
Parallel conflict style
a relationship in which the people in it shift between complementary and symmetrical patterns from one issue to another
Competition (win-lose)
a win-lose approach to conflict that involves high concern for self and low concern for others
Conflict
an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals
Perceived incompatible goals (conflict def)
as long as they perceived their goal to be mutually exclusive, the conflict is real
Direct aggression (competition)
character attacks, competence attacks, physical appearance attacks, maledictions (wishing the other bad fortune), teasing, ridicule, threats, swearing, and nonverbal emblems (fist shaking, waving arms, etc.)
expressed struggle (Conflict def)
conflict does not exist until all people involved know that some disagreement exists
Inevitability
conflicts are impossible to avoid; the challenge is to handle them effectively when they occur.
polarization
dysfunctional conflict regard each other as polar opposites
opposition
dysfunctional conflict see each other as opponents.
escalation
dysfunctional conflicts the problems grow larger instead of smaller
Positive results
finding a solution that works
Integration
functional conflict recognize that they are integrated or in a difficult situation together
De-escalation
functional conflicts the participants solve more problems than they create
negative results
neither participant receiving what they want, and threatens the future of the relationship
Confirmation
participants disagree but are not disagreeable.
drifting
participants drift away from the original problem and bring in other issues
coercion
participants use it to get what they want instead of finding ways to reach an agreement.
interdependence (conflict def)
people fail to understand their interdependence of one another.
Collaboration (win-win)
seeks win-win solutions to conflict, involving a high degree of concern for both self and others, with the goal of solving problems not "my way" or "your way" but "our way"
Functional conflict
the best possible outcome in a conflict
Conflict ritual
unacknowledged but very real repeating patterns of interlocking behavior
Passive aggression (competition)
when a communicator expresses dissatisfaction in a disguised manner
Escalatory spiral
when both partners treat one another with matching hostility, where one threat and insult leads to another
Compromise (negotiated lose-lose)
when both people get at least some of what they want, althgouh both sacrifice part of their goals
Dysfunctional conflict
when outcomes fall short of what is possible and have a damaging effect on the relationship
De-escalatory spiral
when partners both withdraw from one another instead of facing their problems, resulting with the satisfaction and vitality ebbing from the relationship
perceived scare resources (conflict def)
when people believe there isn't enough of something to go around ex. time, affection, space, money
Avoidance (lose-lose)
when people nonassertively ignore or stay away from conflict
Accommodation (lose-win)
when we allow others to have their own way rather than asserting our own point of view
Win-win problem solving
where the goal is to find a solution that satisfies the needs of everyone involved