conflict chapter 12 interplay

4 horsemen

1. contempt-belittle/demean others 2. criticism-attacks person's character 3. defensiveness-proteting self by denying 4.stonewalling-person withdraws

Symmetrical conflict style

a relationship in which both people use the same tactics

Complementary conflict style

a relationship in which the partners use different but mutally reinforcing behaviors

Parallel conflict style

a relationship in which the people in it shift between complementary and symmetrical patterns from one issue to another

Competition (win-lose)

a win-lose approach to conflict that involves high concern for self and low concern for others

Conflict

an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from the other party in achieving their goals

Perceived incompatible goals (conflict def)

as long as they perceived their goal to be mutually exclusive, the conflict is real

Direct aggression (competition)

character attacks, competence attacks, physical appearance attacks, maledictions (wishing the other bad fortune), teasing, ridicule, threats, swearing, and nonverbal emblems (fist shaking, waving arms, etc.)

expressed struggle (Conflict def)

conflict does not exist until all people involved know that some disagreement exists

Inevitability

conflicts are impossible to avoid; the challenge is to handle them effectively when they occur.

polarization

dysfunctional conflict regard each other as polar opposites

opposition

dysfunctional conflict see each other as opponents.

escalation

dysfunctional conflicts the problems grow larger instead of smaller

Positive results

finding a solution that works

Integration

functional conflict recognize that they are integrated or in a difficult situation together

De-escalation

functional conflicts the participants solve more problems than they create

negative results

neither participant receiving what they want, and threatens the future of the relationship

Confirmation

participants disagree but are not disagreeable.

drifting

participants drift away from the original problem and bring in other issues

coercion

participants use it to get what they want instead of finding ways to reach an agreement.

interdependence (conflict def)

people fail to understand their interdependence of one another.

Collaboration (win-win)

seeks win-win solutions to conflict, involving a high degree of concern for both self and others, with the goal of solving problems not "my way" or "your way" but "our way"

Functional conflict

the best possible outcome in a conflict

Conflict ritual

unacknowledged but very real repeating patterns of interlocking behavior

Passive aggression (competition)

when a communicator expresses dissatisfaction in a disguised manner

Escalatory spiral

when both partners treat one another with matching hostility, where one threat and insult leads to another

Compromise (negotiated lose-lose)

when both people get at least some of what they want, althgouh both sacrifice part of their goals

Dysfunctional conflict

when outcomes fall short of what is possible and have a damaging effect on the relationship

De-escalatory spiral

when partners both withdraw from one another instead of facing their problems, resulting with the satisfaction and vitality ebbing from the relationship

perceived scare resources (conflict def)

when people believe there isn't enough of something to go around ex. time, affection, space, money

Avoidance (lose-lose)

when people nonassertively ignore or stay away from conflict

Accommodation (lose-win)

when we allow others to have their own way rather than asserting our own point of view

Win-win problem solving

where the goal is to find a solution that satisfies the needs of everyone involved