conflict management

the six step confrontation processes

1) preparation- identify your problems, issues, needs use self talk- who, what, when and where? self talk may lead to imagine interactions, sometimes result in not thinking about the other persons view. 2) arrange with the person for a convenient time and place to talk. usually not over 24hrs of when u asked to meet 3) interpersonal confrontation- talk to the person about your problem 4) consider the other persons point of view-have empathy, some individuals suffer from *informational reception apprehension*, which Is not being able to respond to what is being said 5) manage the problem: come to a mutual understanding and reach an agreement 6) follow up on the solution- set a time limit for re evaluation-

Social construction theory

Attempts to identify and explain the ways people perceive and interpret their violent or potentionally violent experiences with an eye toward values and stereotypes that people learn from the society and the times in which they live. If media show a young man beating friend who is interested in girlfriend. Young man will think it's normal to act that way

Communication cognitive approach

Consist of beliefs, perceptions, attributions, and other predisposition that promote violent conflict communication behavior Use qualitative methods to study the beliefs and perceptions of abusers and their victims. Useful as a means for explaining the sense making processes conflicting parties use to legitimize verbal and non verbal aggresive communication behavior. Use participant observation - researchers observes social behavior while taking an active role as one of the social actors. Perhaps a researcher is a member of an abusive relationship or family and is in a good position to report violent acts . Unstructured interviews allow abusers or their victims to respond to open ended questions such as what we're the events that led up to the abusive encounter

*Linear Model of communication Vs. Process view of communication

Linear Model of Communication- using the words sender, receiver, channel, noise, feedback. this model emphasizes accuracy* is what was received the same meaning as what was intended or sent. model limits our view of interpersonal conflict. focus on the end result getting the other to change his or her point of view or behavior to coincide with our position. trying to fix the blame on one person Process view- reflects awareness that our lives consist of events influencing subsequent events. phases and stages. The better model, shows that things can be changed. messages co created by managing and coordinating.

Chilling effect

One person in a relationship withholds grievances from the other . Usually due to fear of alienating the other person or fear of the other person's severe reaction

Communication competence

Refers to the ability to appropriately and effectively use verbal and non verbal symbols within a given speech community

Ethnography

Related theory that provides descriptions of behavior in cultural groups and identifies the pressures toward conformity in the form of rules, rites, and rituals

Frustration

Results from internal battle between the id and the superego that often erupts into conflicts with others. frustration can originate from stress, tension, anxiety, hostility, sexual urges, or depression

scripts

Routinized events that we perform with little deviation each time we do them. People repeat similar behaviors each time they encounter the event. Without scripted events, it is more difficult getting through the day

Communication interaction approach

Sequence of behaviors within communication patterns that differentiate violent from non violent interpersonal relationships. Violent conflict communication is viewed as a process of escalating antagonism between person A and Person B .

General aggression model

The model argues that violence is chosen or not chosen based on the way the following factors interact: personal and situation variables, the present internal state of the actor and the appraisal and decision. Process . Personal variables- personality qualities such as anger , past experiences with violence, attitude towards violence . Situational variables include alcohol use and physical or mental exhaustion. Present internal state -recently experienced negative emotions such as anger, frustrations, and dissapointment Apraisal and decision- requires the actor to have the mental resources available for reflection on potential anger .

Communicator personality trait

Tied to a particular set of beliefs ( dogmatist are defined as close minded person's who are unwilling to consider other sets of beliefs. Verbally abusive personality desires or intends to dominate and is thought to be a type of hostility. People would benefit from taking classes that help them reason and argue effectively

Inevitability of conflict principle

What happens to conflicts as relationships become closer, more personal, and more interdependent? The answer is that conflict becomes increasingly more likely, hence inevitable. as the relationship becomes closer and more interdependent (from a distant neighbor to a next‐door neighbor and from a next‐door neighbor to a roommate, teammate, close friend, or romantic partner): • the more issues are likely to occur, • the more trivial (minor) complaints become significant ones, and • the more intense your feelings are.

communication competence

When we can successfully perform a communication behavior (such as listening without interrupting) and repeat that behavior when the situation calls for it, we have a communication skill. Competent communicators not only try to repeat the skill when need be; they also are able to perform that skill without hesitation

* Define interpersonal conflict

a problematic situation with the following four unique characteristics: 1. the conflicting parties are interdependent, 2. they have the perception that they seek incompatible goals or outcomes or they favor incompatible means to the same ends, 3. the perceived incompatibility has the potential to adversely affect the relationship if not addressed, and 4. there is a sense of urgency about the need to resolve the difference.

*define Process?

a process is a dynamic, ongoing, and continuous (not static, at rest, or fixed) . it is evolutionary in nature. Viewing objects, people, events, and social situations as processes. *stages or phases of dev. through growth or detoriation *history of a distinctive pattern emerges * continual change overtime *may not lead to the next stage *represent some outcome, stage, state of being

comparison level

a standard with which people determine how satisfactory or attractive a relationship is. reflects what people think they deserve. if rewards raises, CL increase because a person considers the relationship satisfying , if cost is higher, CL decreased

defensiveness

a state of emotional arousal that occurs when we believe that the other person is attacking us, which in turn affects our behavior. arises when people have perceived flaw that they do not want to admit and they are sensitive to that flaw. listening to someone reduce our own and their defensiveness

STLC- system

acronym for STOP, THINK,LISTEN,COMMUNICATE stop- taking time out. exit temporarily to calm down, get a glass of water, count backwards from 100, change topic think- consider its cause and possible outcomes before taking action. two ways to think about a situation: 1)Thinking about doing nothing(not advisable) or about changing the other person, situation or self. to change a situation requires changing the environment,context, or relationship. change in situation usually occurs when all else have failed more drastic measures must be taken 2) Thinking about you and the other person's goals- instrumental goals, relational goals, identity goals , and process goals

External attributions

an assumption that behaviors are externally motivated, related to the other person's circumstances

Internal attributions

an assumption that behaviors are internally motivated based on your attitude, needs, wants, and beliefs. Related to the person's general personality

*define Civility? why is it a problem today? what can be done about it ?

an attitude of respect toward others manifested in our behavior toward them. that respect is not predicated on how we feel about them in particular. civility requires that we are mindful of others around us and aware of the impact our behavior has on them. we have become unaware that of the fact that we are not solitary passengers through life. the relative isolation of our lives today often leads us to act rude to others.

Repression

another defense mechanism, occurs when we try not to think about our situation. repression can explain misplaced conflict

comparison level for alternatives

applied when a third party enters the picture. the addition of a third party may lead to a person examine the current relationship and perceived inequity in the air, in turn creating conflict. person compare cost and reward of current relationship vs. new alternative. if current exceeds more in rewards , person stay in relationship

culture violence theory

argues that in large societies such as the united states, people from subgroups that develop values and norms justifying the use of physical force that exceeds the level that larger culture might tolerate

system theory

best summarized by ruben, who argued that, if human relationships are thought of as systems, communications, therefore conflict, are not only inevitable, but also continual

*define intangible conflict issues

center on gut feelings like love, respect, and self‐esteem as well as other topics like power, cooperation, and other beneficial behaviors such as attention and caring. Conflicts over issues that are intangible, and, thus, not truly scarce resources (even though conflicting parties may think otherwise), include situations like these: • One partner has not been paying enough attention to the other partner (ignoring her or him). • One person offends another by using sexist, racist, stereotyped, or otherwise offensive language. • One person's behaviors, habits, or actions annoy or upset another person. • One partner needs time alone or time out with friends.

*Dysfunctional cycle: confrontation avoidance/accommodation cycle

characteristic of those people whose first impulse is to avoid initiating conflict or to quickly give in (accommodate) when conflicts arise. Behaviors indicative of this strategy include choosing to withdraw, leaving the scene, avoiding the discussion of issues, or remaining silent. lose-win Stages : PRELUDE, TRIGGER no initiation, no differentiation or resolution. problem may continue.

blaming

claiming others are at faults. The act of blaming is a characteristic of negative conflict behaviors and is often associated with verbal and physical abuse, which increased the likelihood of escalating the conflict

skill

communication behavior you have learned and can apply when it is called for.

*Personality issue

conflicts focus on a whole constellation of behaviors such as being dominating, introverted, selfish, or achievement oriented

Constructive avoidance

effectively analyze the situation and choose an appropriate response, rather than react out of fear of confrontation.

I-Statement

feeling statement- I feel annoyed problem behavior- when I have to put gas in my car after you use it consequences- because I end up having to take the time to get the gas goals- i'd like you to get gas after you use my car components- I feel....when I...because I.....i'd like....

the four types of goals that must be thought of when thinking about a conflict

instrumental goals- are those that require the opponent to " remove a specific obstacle blocking completion of a task. if you want a professor to change a grade, instrumental goal is the actual changing of the grade as a result of your interaction with the professor relational goals- attempts to gain power and to establish trust as the relationship between those in conflict is established. for example, establishing your right to question grade while not infringing on the rights/power of the professor identity goals- how those in the conflict situation view each other. make sure to not personally attack the person process goals- alternative ways to manage conflict communication. one party may prefer openness, consensus, and fairness, wile the other prefer to keep feelings private, maintain control, and win every argument

*relationship issues

involve rules, norms, and boundaries that partners have tacitly or overtly agreed on. for example one friend deciding to change the nature of the relationship to a romantic one. but the other person is caught completely off guard and find the other's advances offensive or inappropriate because she or he wants to stay "just friends"

compromising

making sure that no one totally wins or loses. By compromising, conflicting parties are settling for a workable solution rather than finding a totally mutually satisfying solution. Lose-Lose

Meta- conflict perspective

means that you can look back on the conflicts you have experienced, analyze what you did well and what you did poorly, and learn from your mistakes

vertical thinking

moving through a series of steps making sure each is completed we dnt consider how we get to a conflict

false conflicts

occur when at least one person in an interdependent relationship thinks that there is a conflict but after talking to the other(s) involved, finds there is no conflict

Misplaced Conflict

occur when people argue about issues other than the ones at the heart of the conflict. we engage in conflict with the right person, for the wrong issue

Incompatible goals

occur when we are seeking different outcomes; for example, we each want to buy a different car, but we can only afford to buy one. Incompatible goals may also entail personal habits that clash, as when one person in a living situation is less bothered by clutter than the other.

Incompatible means

occur when we want to achieve the same goal but differ in how we should do so; for example, we agree on the same car, but not on whether to finance it or pay cash.

uncertainty theory

occurs in the conflict process when we have insufficient information to understand another's motives, goals, behaviors, or when we do not know the reasons for another's actions false conflicts,

Relationship stress

occurs outside the individual and refers to wear and tear on a relationship. Whereas personal stress goes on within the individual, relationship stress goes on between two or more persons. In long‐term relationships, negotiating partner roles (such as who housecleans, who does the dishes, and who gets up at night for a crying baby) is frequently mentioned as a relationship stress producer.

Displaced conflicts

occurs when people direct a conflict toward the wrong person, avoiding confrontation with the appropriate symptoms.

Overblown conflict

occurs when people get carried away and exaggerate a conflict. generally using a relatively unimportant issue as a focal point. the parties seem to invest far more emotion and energy than the situation deserves.

Displacement

occurs when people take out their frustrations on those perceived as less dangerous to them rather than those persons who caused the original feelings. in displacement, the impulse is often redirected " toward a more vulnerable or socially acceptable target than the actual source of frustration.

Personal stress

occurs within a person and refers to wear and tear on one emotionally and physically.

conflict resolution

only one alternative in which parties solve a problem or issue and expect it not to arise again.

accommodating

smoothing over conflicts, obliging others, and not making waves. People may say what they want or feel but are quick to give in to the other. Those who simply give in try to maintain the illusion of harmony. As a result, they suppress the conflict issue in this situation because they do not want to risk ill feelings.

Attribution theory

states that people act as they do in conflict situations because of the inferences they make about others based on their behavior. explains retaliatory behavior. to avoid blame. internal attributions when we dnt like someones behavior, and external when were impressed blaming,

social exchange theory

states that people evaluate their interpersonal relationships in terms of their value, which is created by the cost and rewards associated with the relationships

psychodynamic theory

states that people experience conflict because of the tension arising from their intrapersonal ( internal, psychological, emotional, and mental ) states. Id Superego ego anxiety, repression, misplace conflicts frustration, overblown conflict, displacement, displaced conflict

gunny‐sacking

storing up hurts and anger until they explode. The strategy is harmful because one eventually explodes, and the conflict gets out of hand.

assertive communication

the ability to speak up for ones interest, concerns, or rights in a way that does not interfere with the interest or infringes in others rights. a way of avoiding gunny sacking. central to assertive communication is that we all have basic communication rights. only assert when the situation calls for it.

*define conflict management? how can it turn potential destructive conflicts into productive conflicts

the communication behavior a person employs based on his or her analysis of a conflict situation destructive conflict occurs when the parties do not manage a conflict in a way that is mutually satisfactory and does harm to their relationship. productive conflict occurs when a conflict is kept to the issue and to those involved. reduces cost to the participants and the intensity of negative feelings. helping the other person and letting go of the past feelings. no escalation or loss of control. not rely on overt power and manipulation.

undesired repetitive pattern (URP)

the feeling of being trapped in a set of circumstances beyond one's control. Those involved in URPs can have automatic "knee‐jerk" responses to one another: Something one of them says triggers an automatic response in the other, and the episode quickly escalates out of control. It happens when those involved have a pretty good idea of what the other is going to say next, or at least they think they do

communication apprehension

the level of anxiety a person feels in response to interpersonal, group, or public communication situations. Both terms describe people's failure to engage in conflict with others. For example, people who describe themselves as high in communication apprehension in interpersonal relationships prefer avoidance/accommodation as a conflict style

communication considerations- when is it appropriate to engage in assertive or nonassertive communication behavior

the occasion, the other person, and your needs.

Homeostasis

the system maintains itself in pursuit of a goal

Dialectical tension

Occurs when people experience competing but equally important demands. The most relevant tensions existed between autonomy versus connection and stability versus change in partners everyday life. People want to be able to make their own decisions about their lives. But also want to be in relationship with others.

system

a set of interrelated components acting together as a unit

holistic perspective

suggest that family, team, orgs, societ is key, not the individual , it is important to know ourselves as individuals, but it is the system of people that matters.

Dysfunctional Cycle: passive-aggressive communication

the ability to impose one's will on others through the use of verbal or nonverbal acts that appear to avoid an open conflict or accommodate to the desires of others, but in actuality are carried out with the intention of inflicting physical or psychological pain, injury, or suffering. I win, You Lose. Win-Lose

conflict issues

the focal point of the conflict, the "trigger" that people point to when they are asked what the conflict was about.

Narratives

Personal stories that reveal people's perception of events.

Anxiety

a tension that occurs when people received danger in a situation.

Avoidance

people do their best not to engage in conflict. This is similar to the communication styles of shyness or reticence because such individuals allow others to interrupt them, subordinate them, or "walk all over them like a doormat." Sometimes they have poor eye contact, poor posture, and a defeated air about them.

*why do many people view conflict negatively and how could they view it positively?

people view conflict negatively because they usually do not get the desired outcome. people do not feel confident about handling conflicts. they have to realize conflict is a part of life. an opportunity to resolve problems and improve relationships. it is an opportunity.

sense of urgency

reaching a point where it needs effective management sooner rather than later.

Schismogenesis

(the escalation of the cycle) occurs when the behaviors of one person intensify the behaviors of another person.

creative way of handling conflict

imagine the person was someone or something else like the prez or gorilla imagine how others might handle the conflict such as mom, friend,bro

adversely affect relationships

meaning that conflicts can make people feel uncomfortable when together, dissatisfied with their partners, and lead them to desire change.

theory

means of explaining how something works through comprehensive explanation of how or why, based on an identification of causes and their effects, supported by facts (data) gathered over time

lateral thinking(better)

restructuring. insight n creativity brainstorming reversal- work backwards change entry point n attention point also the 6 hats mindmapping- use existing ideas to generate new ones. linking existing ideas together, you can think of better ways to solve the problem visual journal-image filled response to events happening in life preparation, incubation, illumination, verification.;

*Dysfunctional Cycle: competitive conflict escalation cycle

the conflict bogs down in the differentiation stage when competitive interests lead to divergence rather than integration. I win, you lose. Win-Lose no resolution

Id

the unconscious aspect that " contains everything that is inherited, present at birth, or fixed in the constitution. the Id contains the libido, the source of instinctual energy, which demands discharge from various channels. the id operates on the pleasure principle , a tension reduction process in which tension from a bodily need is translated into a psychological wish in order to reduce tension

Collaboration

using integrative behaviors and developing mutually satisfying agreements to solve the problem once and for all. Collaboration, then, has two essential ingredients. First, it consists of integrative behaviors such as cooperation, collective action, and mutual assistance. When people collaborate, they work together toward the same ends in compatible roles. Win Win (preferred approach)

Interdependence

when those involved in a relationship characterize it as continuous and important, making it worth the effort to maintain.

Attribution error

when we don't like someone's behavior, we make internal attributions. when we are impress by someone, we make external attributions, meanwhile for ourselves, if we do something we don't like, we make external attributions, when we do something great, we surely take the credit (p.63)

*behavioral issues

which concern specific and individual actions we can observe such as the way we handle money, time, space, and so on. The issue concerns how we have done something or what we have done.