Conflict Management Skills

Conflict management styles

1. Coercion • Forcing the other person to psychologically or physically accept your point of view. • It includes threats, blame, manipulating, punishment, blackmail, abuse, and ridicule. • Coercion through manipulation examples: leaving the room during argument, intentionally cry to stop discussion, purposely holding out important information, etc. • Using these methods to manage conflicts can be harmful to the relationship. • Benefits are gained by one person, but it is gained at the expense of the other person. 2. Persuasion • It is the attempt to get others to change their viewpoint. • Persuaders believe that they have the best grasp of the issues and know how to get things done. • Example: public debates, written argument, confrontation, and etc. • Sometimes these method can get competitive and the conflict becomes a 'win -lose' proposition. 3. Collaboration • It is the act of working together to reach consensus. • A 'win-win' strategy because it incorporate the best parts of each perspective. • People will work together to set aside problems and are typically open to new ideas. 4. Compromise • It is the act of giving up something in order to achieve an acceptable resolution to the conflict. • It is a give or take method (used for everyone to get benefit from the resolution of the conflict). 5. Accomodation • It is the act of sacrificing one's own preferences and viewpoints (in whole or in part). • Let the other person have their way and downplay the seriousness of the problem. • Concede to others for the sake of resolution. 6. Avoidance • It is an attempt to avoid conflict. • The person choose to remain silent or to leave the situation. • People choose to avoid conflict due to lack of knowledge or comprehension of the situation. • It is a way to help other people move forward from the conflict. It helps to defend a person from coercion. • It is way to express resentment or dissatisfaction.

The value of conflict

1. Conflicts can impact our ability to relate to others, because we are most likely to be blinded by anger and sadness. 2. Conflicts can influence many aspect of our life by the way we engage and strive to resolve any problems that we have. 3. Conflicts provide benefits if they are handled well. 4. Conflicts help establish norms and boundaries. • Establishment of boundaries, what works better, and norms in relationships can lead to a clearer understanding and shared expectations between people. 5. Conflicts help people to express feelings. • People who suppressed their feelings often directly led to intense arguments during conflicts. • They need to express themselves in order for the other person to understand that they are unhappy. • This can solve problems as well as allow them to evaluate their performance. 6. Conflicts help the person to identify needs. • Tension typically arise when people's preferences and needs vary from one another, so expressing their likes and dislikes during conflict will help them identify their needs. • It will also help their relationships to grow. 7. Conflicts help to balance power in a relationship. • It acts as a reminder that a person should always express their personal preferences or needs in a relationship. • This allows both of them to negotiate and find power-balance. 8. Conflicts serve as reminders that the relationship can last longer. • Resolving past disagreements have proven that the relationship can survive potential conflicts. • If an individual survives a 'big war,' they will build a history of conflict management that will help them prosper in the future.

Components of conflict (D.P.P.N)

1. Disagreement • Parties involved in conflict become aware that there is some level of differences between them. • It is the matter of true disagreement vs perceived disagreement. • It is accompanied by significant levels of misunderstanding. 2. Parties involved • Confusion and disparities regarding of who is involved in the conflict. • People will take sides readily based on current perceptions of the issues, past issues and relationships that they have. 3. Perceived threat • People respond to perceived threat more than the true threat facing them. • Feelings and ongoing responses are directed towards the threat they're confronting. 4. Needs/Interest concern • Tendency to define the 'problems' narrowly. • The problems are usually complex.

Handling conflict constructively

1. Remain rational • Balance emotions with reasons, even when passion run high. • Separate how you feel from your decision on how to treat or communicate to someone. 2. Try to understand others • Make sure you are understood by the other person. • Try to see issues or problems from different perspectives (the other person's viewpoints). 3. Maintain open communication • Listen carefully. • Consult others when you make a decision, particularly if the decision affects the other person. 4. Be reliable • If the other person is trying to manipulate and deceive you, suspend the judgement on them. • Try to disagree without resorting to using deceit or manipulation yourself. 5. Avoid coercion • Be open to others' persuasion. • Try to persuade others without forcing them to do what they do not want or like. 6. Separate the person from the problem • Focus on the idea of the problem, where and why it happen instead of the person's personalities. 7. Remain open to others • Try remaining open to the other person, even if they reject or push you. • Show the person that you still care about them despite you disagreeing with them.

Responding destructively to conflict

1. Setting a critical tone • Disagreements start with attacks and accusation. • Example: "you always", " you are so", "you never" • Use negative tones and intonations that are difficult for the other individual to counteract. 2. Passive aggression • Use sarcasm, guilt-tripping, inconsiderate behavior to convey hostility instead of directly retaliating with aggressive messages. • Example: "can't you take a joke?", "if you think you have done enough, the maybe you get to pick tonight", "I didn't tell you that he called you a bitch?, my bad". 3. Acting out of defensiveness • The person responds by retaliating, whining, or bringing up what other people have said or used to say before. • Defensive responses usually suggest that there is a deeper issue about certain things or the person itself. 4. Stonewalling • People refuse to talk about conflicts or issues by ignoring or attempting to prevent others from bringing them up. • These people avoid looking at someone and don't respond to others during an event of conflict. • These people refuse to participate in conflict resolution. • This approach prevents others from engaging in a constructive manner to help an individual in conflict. 5. Communicating with contempt • It is a form of hostility and can cause damage to one's respect and integrity towards the other person. • Treating others with disrespect and mocking them by using sarcasm, insults, mockery to assert supremacy. • Example: telling someone they're weak or overly emotional.

Sources of conflict

COMPETING RELATIONSHIP NEEDS 1. Autonomy/Connection • The need to retain independence and connection while in a relationship. • Integrating activities with someone else early on in relationship starts to alter your establish personal routine. • Losing some of your freedom in the relationship. • Excited to be on your own, but misses people who are close to you before. 2. Stability/Change • It is the tension between what is predicted and what is new (novel). • Stability is the feeling of being able to control our environment and being able to establish safe and conventional routines. • In a relationship, we also have the need for change and new experiences. • We are comforted by status quo when in a relationship, but when there is redundancy, we became bored. • Repeated routines becomes rigid and confining (trapped). • We see other people who did not help in the routine as a useless tool (beside our partner). 3. Expression/Privacy • People in relationship often struggle between wanting to express themselves and wanting to maintain privacy. a) Expression means individuals want to be open and candid. b) Privacy means individuals are restrained, circumspect, and distant. • People have a strong need to protect themselves from embarrassment and to establish a separate identity. • People want to be both public and private about certain circumstances at the same time.

High or low context

DIFFERENCES IN BELIEFS AND VALUE • High context - People expect others to figure out implicit (hidden/deeper) meanings based on the situation or relationship between them. • Low context - People expect information to be direct and explicit (clear) when talking to each other. • Conflict arises when high and low context are used together. • People from different cultures often prefer to use different levels of context when communicating.

What is worth fighting for?

DIFFERENCES IN BELIEFS AND VALUE • Long-standing and complicated conflicts emerge when people have different values on what defines conflict and how conflicts can be resolved. • People are violating the expectations of others regarding the appropriate ways to disagree. • Try to manage conflicts by using different cultural assumptions on how to relate to each other. • The likelihood and complexity of conflict increases because of different expectations about how conflict should be managed.

Incompatible goals

• Conflict happens when people see the goals of others they rely on as either unimportant or getting in the way of progress toward their own goal. • Conflict over goals occurs when the people involved are focused on points of disagreement rather than attempting to establish a common ground. • When people see their own stance on the issue, they are less likely to see how their interests could be compatible (realized what they want). • Building common ground would rely on the efficacy of people's ability to resolve conflicts.

Why does conflict happen?

• It happen due to our differences and personal growth. • Differences: a) Individual characteristics b) The way someone talks c) Cultural differences

What is conflict?

• It is a condition of disharmony and disagreement that exist when people who depend on each other sees their needs, beliefs and values, or goals as incompatible. • It can be neither good or bad because it depends on how people responds to them. • Conflict can originate from a range of arguments, such as trivial preferences, to more severe disagreements.