Description

Vivid language is more engaging and memorable.

The author noted that in sentence 9 she wants to find a more vivid—that is, focused and striking—word to replace groups. Why would finding a vivid alternative be an effective revision?

"My essay is going to describe the scenery, culture, and food of Guanajuato, Mexico. Given that, what information should I include in my introduction?" Check all that apply.

✱ The fact that Guanajuato is in Mexico ✱ The name of the city described in the essay ✱ The idea that the focus of the essay is the city's scenery, culture, and food

Unfortunately, no. Two of your body paragraphs don't connect to your main point.

"Here's an outline I've created for my descriptive essay about Guanajuato. If I write my essay according to this outline, will I wind up with an effective composition?"

Lots of things! The smells, the sounds, what it felt like to scramble over rocks and wade through streams—anything that connects to the five senses.

"I want to describe the epic hike I went on so that my readers will know what it feels like to hike the entire Appalachian Trail. What can I talk about besides how everything looked?" What would you say to help this student?

The language of the revision is sharper and more engaging.

"In my first draft, I wrote this sentence: I really wanted cake and ice cream. My friend suggested that I revise it to this: I craved cake and ice cream. I like her suggestion, but what's the advantage of writing it like that?" What would you say to help this student?

"Dark, angry clouds dropped globs of slush onto the town."

"In my first draft, I wrote this sentence: The weather was terrible. Now I want to revise it so that it shows rather than tells. Which option do you think does that?" Which sentence shows rather than tells?

It is easy to fall in love with Guanajuato because of its scenery, culture, and food.

"Now that I've figured out the key ideas for my essay, I think I'm ready to write a first draft of a thesis statement—that is, a statement that declares my main point. If my essay is going to describe Guanajuato's scenery, culture, and food, which of these would be the most effective thesis statement?"

If your goal is to describe the city of Guanajuato and help readers understand what it's like to be there, your scary story about being in the mummy museum probably doesn't belong in this essay.

"The results of my prewriting make me think my descriptive essay should focus on Guanajuato's scenery, culture, and food. However, I really think readers would enjoy my scary story about being in the mummy museum. Should I include that in my essay?"

"I want to rewrite my conclusion so that it includes this sentence: 'I will never forget the scary experience I had in Guanajuato's mummy museum.' Is that a good idea?"

No, because you haven't talked about your mummy museum experience elsewhere in the essay, and readers won't know what you're talking about.

A broadcast by a local news station about a lost child This description should be:

Objective

A history essay about pioneer living This description should be:

Objective

Why did the teacher underline and write "Nice!" next to part of sentence 4?

The underlined words help show—rather than tell—how steep and narrow the alleys are.

Mariachis are everywhere.

Culture

Weekly concerts are given in the downtown area.

Culture

Street vendors sell tamales.

Food

I went to the mummy museum and was scared.

Other

Buildings are red, blue, and orange.

Scenery

Streets are a maze.

Scenery

How could the author show readers what Guanajuato's parades are like?

She could describe specific sights and sounds.

Why did the author explain what the word mariachis means?

Some readers might not know the word's definition.

"I want to describe Guanajuato in an engaging way. Which of these sentences does the best job of showing rather than telling?"

Street vendors with sizzling mobile grills sell everything from roasted corn to spicy, salsa-filled tamales.

A freewrite about your favorite piece of clothing This description should be:

Subjective

A review of a new restaurant food This description should be:

Subjective

"I want to gather some more ideas before I start writing: I know that I want to describe the parades in Guanajuato in a way that helps readers understand what it's like to be there. How can I do that?"

Try focusing on concrete, specific details—especially details that appeal to the senses: What are people doing and wearing during the parades? What colors do you see? What do you hear and smell?

"The main point of my essay is that Guanajuato has amazing scenery, cultural attractions, and food. Do the body paragraphs of my essay help explain or prove this?"

Yes. All of your body paragraphs help explain or prove this point.

"Here are two sentences from a body paragraph about Guanajuato's cultural attractions. I'm worried that some readers won't understand the Spanish word centro that appears here. What should I do?"

You could revise the sentences so that they include a phrase explaining that a centro is a downtown area or city center.