Building resilience in young children

According to Edith Grotberg, a developmental psychologist:

"Resilience is important because it is the human capacity to face, overcome, and be strengthened by or even transformed by life′s adversities."

"The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the greatest intention."

- Oscar Wilde

Many times, reactions to failure can be mistaken for inappropriate behaviors. Perhaps you have had one or more of the following experiences:

A child who throws blocks after a tower falls. A child who hits another child with their coat when they have difficulty putting it on. A child who scribbles on the table in frustration when they can't draw a perfect triangle. A child who kicks you when trying to put on their shoes.

Work with children to identify a community service project that they are interested in pursuing. Here are a few ideas:

A pet food and supply drive. Write thank-you letters to veterans. Collect socks or blankets for a homeless shelter. Donate children′s coats for a local community center. Adopt a family for Thanksgiving and collecting food on their behalf. Plant a peace garden for a nursing home. Clean up a local park.

These items are calming to the senses, offer a physical outlet, and may even take the child′s mind off the stressful situation:

A stress ball or small object to squeeze, such as putty, play dough, or a pliable toy. A soft object such as a stuffed animal or soft blanket, especially helpful if familiar to the child. A sensory toy such as a fidget spinner, cube, or tangle toy. Sand or water tables.

Create an environment where mistakes are

Acceptable.

Provide feedback and encouragement in a way that empowers the child:

Acknowledge a child′s struggle. Use positive words: for example: "I noticed that you worked hard on this puzzle," or "That puzzle is a challenge for you. It′s good to try challenging tasks!" Provide developmentally appropriate guidance that allows the child to complete the task independently. For example, you could say, "When I work on a challenging puzzle, I like to group the pieces with similar colors together to help me find them." Praise the effort, not the final results. "I see you worked so hard on the border of the puzzle. Would you like me to help you with the inside pieces?" A statement like this lets the child know that although they may not have 100% completed the task independently, they are developing competence in completing puzzles and that you are there to support them when needed.

Children who experience trauma tend to show signs that they are feeling fearful and vulnerable. Some common behaviors that may signal trauma for children include:

Appetite changes or diet changes. Clinginess: trouble separating from trusted adults. Changes in sleeping: more or less than normal or experiencing nightmares. Irrational fears. Difficulty paying attention or with memory. Headaches and stomachaches. Anger or mood swings. Getting in trouble in school. Regressive behaviors: bathroom accidents, tantrums, waking up at night. Anxiousness about events that did not bother them in the past. Withdrawal or avoiding socializing with others.

Resilience researchers have identified several characteristics that are apparent in children who have strong resilience. Here are a few of those characteristics:

Bounces back after adversity. Courageous: willing to try new things. Motivated to take action. Self-aware and can self-regulate behavior. Has fun and laughs often. Perseverance. Not afraid to ask for help when needed. Finishes tasks using a variety of problem-solving skills. Is not afraid to share feelings and can vocalize them appropriately. Has trusting relationships with others. Helpful to others.

Start a classroom kindness jar or kindness mural using colored pieces of paper.

Chart with children all the ways they might see giving or kindness to others in the classroom. Each time children notice someone else being kind or giving to someone else, they add to a jar or the mural. Share a few of the kindness observations with the children during whole group times. When the jar is full, or the mural is complete, create a display for families to see. Encourage parents to create kindness jars at home.

According to Dr. Ginsburg, someone who is resilient possesses the following traits:

Competence Confidence Connection Contribution Character Coping Control

Here is a list of questions to ask yourself about your program related to contribution:

Do children know that they have the power to make changes in the world? Do children see the program give back to the community? What opportunities exist for each child to contribute to the program and other children? Have children learned how others contribute to society and think about how they might fit into those efforts? Do children understand the many different ways they can contribute to the community? How do you communicate your appreciation of the children′s contributions to the community?

Some children may be drawn to creative outlets to relieve stress and express their emotions. Some examples include:

Drawing, coloring, or painting Listening to or making music Writing or poetry Dancing Singing or rapping

Here are a few ideas for activities that you can incorporate into your program that will help children learn about their emotions:

Encourage children to copy faces and identify different emotions on an emotion chart, and you can also use pictures of the children in your group. Use emotional words with children throughout the day in positive ways. For example: Are you excited to go outside? Are you sad it is raining outside? Point out facial features and signs of emotions displayed by the body. Communicate on eye level with all children and show them how your face looks when you feel different emotions. For example, you might say, "I′m feeling frustrated because I left my lunch at home. Notice how my eyes and mouth look." Sing songs about emotions such as "If You′re Happy and You Know It!" and substitute different emotion movements such as: If you are excited, and you know it jump up and down.

Promoting Resilience in Preschoolers

Encourage independence and autonomy within the program. Provide many opportunities for choices and independence. Utilize social stories to teach about feelings and proper interactions. Focus on being a good role model and giving children specific praise when they are good role models or achieve a new skill. Give encouragement in stressful situations and help children to utilize the resources available. Have set rules and consequences and involve the children in setting limitations, so they know expectations.

Promoting Resilience in Infants and Toddlers

Focus on using specific praise with children and building strong, trusting relationships. Teach children to identify emotions and modify their behavior by building trust, confidence, and a sense of competence over time. Teach infants to self-soothe and to have control over their bodies. Use the mistakes toddlers make and turn them into learning opportunities using specific praise. Provide stability and a routine, but also expose children to new and different things.

Here are a few things to be sure that you do daily:

Greet each child by name when they arrive. Show genuine interest in the child′s life and interests. Make eye contact and get down on the child′s level. Take time to notice a child′s accomplishments and share them with family members. Be genuine, be fully present, engaged, approachable, and interested in the things the children say and do. Be responsive to the needs, interests, and questions of the children.

Here is a list of questions to ask yourself about your program related to confidence:

How do we communicate that we have confidence in children′s abilities? How do we help children recognize their skills and abilities? How do we communicate that we see the very best in the children in our care? How do we manage situations when children have a crisis of confidence? Do children feel safe to make mistakes?

Here is a list of questions to ask yourself about your program related to connection:

How do we make children feel safe in the environment? How do I let children know that they can trust me? How do I show children that I value them, their culture, and their contributions to our community? How do I foster connections between children and their peers? What steps do I take to strengthen children′s relationships with their family members?

Here is a list of questions to ask yourself about your program related to character:

How do we model the values of our program? Do we teach about right and wrong without shame or belittling children? Do we focus more on what children do right, or do we focus more on what children do wrong? What opportunities do children have to explore and discuss right and wrong safely? How do I make children aware of the effects of their actions on others?

Here is a list of questions to ask yourself about your program related to competence:

How does our feedback to children promote the development of competence? How do we help children recognize the skills they are learning and their strengths? What steps do we take to ensure tasks in the environment appropriately challenge children? How often are children encouraged to practice independence or learn new skills? Do we regularly provide children a wide variety of experiences across all developmental domains of learning? Are children encouraged to take safe risks in the environment?

Here is a list of questions to ask yourself about your program related to coping:

How often do we have conversations about emotions and how to manage them? How do we model positive ways of managing emotions and challenging situations? Do children see me as someone they can talk to about their feelings? What materials do we provide that allow children to physically and safely express emotions? Do we model and encourage expressing emotions through creative outlets?

Promoting Resilience in School-Age Children

Introduce more complex emotional language and problem-solving strategies. Help children find outlets that speak to them for their emotions. Invite community members to visit the group and talk about overcoming challenges. Engage in community projects that allow children to contribute to their communities in positive ways. Make distinctions between things children have control over and things they cannot control. Maintain confidentiality to build trust with children.

Work with children to:

Listen when others speak. Keep each other safe. Be helpful. Talk about conflicts. Cooperate. Solve problems together. Get to know each other: learn about family traditions, cultures, and interests.

Some specific examples of events that could be traumatic for young children:

Medical trauma such as extended hospital stays or invasive medical procedures. Death of a loved one such as a parent, sibling, other family members, or close friend. Witnessing or being the victim of domestic abuse (either physical or emotional). Extended neglect such as inadequate housing or food insecurity. Witnessing or being the victim of violence in the community. Abandonment by a parent or another caregiver. Being the victim of bullying. Experiencing war or terrorism. Natural disasters such as hurricanes or tornados. Extreme poverty.

Work in small groups so that you can

Monitor each child′s progress toward developing new skills and offer support as needed.

Acknowledging efforts should focus on the child′s actions and feelings rather than the caregiver′s judgments.

Rather than saying, "I like the way that you cleaned up the playdough," you could say something like, "I noticed that you worked hard to clean up all of the playdough. Thank you!" Rather than saying, "You should be proud of your artwork," you could say, "You spent a lot of time on this piece of art. How do you feel about your work?"

Preschool group activities

Relay Races Tailor your relay races to the season. If the weather is cold or rainy, relays can be simple tasks like building a tower, drawing a circle, etc. Having children on teams to complete tasks gives them a shared goal. Parachute Play Use a large blanket or parachute with small groups of children. Play "Popcorn"- place some foam balls on the blanket and then shake the blanket, so the balls bounce (or pop) off. The children may like singing "POPCORN! POPCORN! POP, POP, POP!" while you shake. Have children work together to get the popcorn popping. Group Art Exhibit Hang a large piece of paper in the program. You may provide a variety of drawing materials and some photos for inspiration. You may discuss as a group what the goal will be. Try to encourage a goal that many children can add to, like drawing a city, making a quilt, or a large landscape scene.

The steps of the Tucker the Turtle Technique are:

Step 1: Recognize your feeling(s). Step 2: Think "stop." Step 3: Tuck inside your "shell" and take 3 deep breaths. Step 4: Come out when calm and think of a solution.

There are three principal areas where a connection can be established within a program:

The physical features of the environment. The positive interactions. The curriculum activities.

When-then and if-then language communicates consequences and gives children a chance to make better decisions about their actions and behaviors.

This helps the take control

Here is a list of questions to ask yourself about your program related to control:

What messages do children receive about who is in control in our environment? Do our practices provide children with opportunities to make choices and have control over their bodies? Do children understand the difference between things they have control over and things they do not control? How do we help children understand that they have control over aspects of their lives?

Children who experience trauma can end up experiencing the world through

a lens of fear. The feelings of fear, vulnerability, and insecurity may stay with them long after the traumatic event has passed.

The American Psychological Association (APA) defines resilience as the

ability to adapt well to adversity, trauma, tragedy, threats, or significant sources of stress.

Competence can be defined as the

ability to do something successfully or efficiently.

Coping refers to the

ability to face challenges or difficult times calmly and healthily. It may include the ability to persevere or move forward despite challenges. It is a person′s ability to overcome challenges using the emotional skills and support systems available.

Some of the most successful people in recent generations failed many times, but they

achieved competence in their area after many attempts. These people had the confidence in their abilities to be persistent to achieve their goals.

Between ages seven and ten, children enter the age of moral reasoning. Now the moral child begins to

act right because it is the right thing to do.

It has been found that children who have developed resilience are better able to

adapt after trauma.

When planning curricula, be sure to create activities that can be

adapted to challenge children appropriately.

It includes the sharing of ideas and the lending of abilities to accomplish tasks. It refers to a child′s ability to take

an active part in reaching group goals and the environment′s overall positive atmosphere.

In the context of resilience, control can be defined as

an individual's ability to influence the course of events.

A confident child will offer to help

another child with a task, which promotes social development.

As the adult in the environment, it is your job to

anticipate and prepare for mistakes. Children learn to trust you as a supportive caregiver when you show that you are prepared to handle whatever comes your way.

One of the most important things early childhood educators can teach children is

appropriate coping techniques, which can be done daily during small stresses like drop off time, a friend taking a toy, or being disappointed with the outcome of a dough sculpture.

Take time to help children understand what the expectations

are in the program. Preschoolers or older children can even participate in an activity to develop classroom expectations.

when children fail over and over, without adult support to promote success, they may begin to

avoid trying new challenges. Resilience comes not from repeated failures but from the experience of learning to pick yourself up, try again, and eventually achieve success.

As children develop competence and confidence in their abilities, it becomes possible for them to

believe that they can cope with various challenges. A test of a child′s resilience is if they can cope under stress, control their reactions, and make smart choices.

Now, instead of trying to teach children how to "bounce back" after a traumatic event, we can help students

build the tools they will need to "bounce back" before ever experiencing trauma.

Children need to learn how to identify opportunities to

change their approach to problems and overcome challenges.

Pointing out errors needs to be done in a respectful and caring manner so that

children see that the fault was in the execution and not a reflection of their intelligence. We can then make the student aware of the solution through trial and error or by discussing alternative strategies.

Caregivers must recognize signs that a child is having a difficult time and they are

communicating that struggle through their behaviors.

When it comes to coping, practice during normal daily activities will give children the

confidence and muscle memory to utilize these strategies under stressful situations. These lessons are just as important as the lessons you plan for math and literacy.

A child does not need to be confident in all aspects of life to be resilient, but they need to be

confident enough to attempt challenges and learn from them.

The 7 Cs of Resilience work together to build a

confident, competent person who has character, a sense of contribution, and connection. Once people have these foundational skills, they are able to cope better with traumatic stress and control their reactions to those situations.

Many young children experience the more common stresses of

conflicts with siblings, rejection by peers, or adjusting to multiple caregivers.

Environments that promote independence and provide many opportunities to explore open-ended materials

contribute to children′s developing sense of competence.

Learning about right and wrong, paired with an understanding of others′ feelings, can lead to children′s development of

control over their impulses. They can begin to make choices about their behaviors, rather than merely reacting.

When children learn how to practice control in daily situations, they are better positioned to

control themselves when they are not in ideal situations or are under stress.

Having competence in this area can contribute significantly to a child′s ability to

cope during challenging situations.

One of the most important roles of early care and education providers is to provide children with the means to

cope with traumatic events in healthy ways.

Children will be more invested in the program and have a stronger sense of community when they have a say in

creating the expectations. Take photos of the children modeling their expectations and place them throughout the classroom.

Beyond the relationship-building activities we have already discussed, be sure to create

curriculum activities and routines that promote a sense of belonging and connection between children, peers, and caregivers.

Children who are resilient face the same range of emotions as other children; however, they have

developed the skills to manage feelings of sadness, fear, discouragement, or frustration in positive ways. Sometimes, children will be able to handle these feelings, while other times, they will need adults′ support.

By age ten, most children have

developed their concept of "what is normal." If sensitivity, caring, politeness and empathy have been modeled in their lives; then children generally operate according to those values. This solid foundation is crucial to children′s ability to develop resilience over time.

A parent or teacher who encourages a toddler to say thank you, greet others by name, or be polite at the meal table is

developing the toddler's character.

A sense of competence is necessary for the

development of resilience.

Teach children the names associated with

different emotions. This practice is an integral part of their understanding of feelings and how to recognize their own emotions. It supports the development of their emotional literacy.

Set up snack as a learning center and offer it as a choice, allowing children to

eat when they are hungry or to choose not to eat if they are not hungry.

Teaching children how to learn from failure is vital to building resilience. Helping children change their attitude toward failure will allow them to

embrace failure as a valuable learning opportunity.

Another benefit of contribution is the development of

empathy. Empathy is the ability to recognize and understand the feelings of others.

point out to a child that when they work hard to complete a construction project, they use patience and problem-solving, which are

essential skills that they will use when they get a job one day.

A goal of educators and families should be to teach children about

expectations and strong character through repeated positive exposures.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, childhood trauma is defined as the

experience of an event by a child that is emotionally painful or distressful, which often results in lasting mental and physical effects.

Resilience is much more difficult to build after a child has

experienced a traumatic event, so starting at infancy, educators should focus on providing opportunities for children to develop the 7 Cs in all areas of the program.

children should be given long periods to

explore the materials in the environment. This time will ensure that they have the opportunity to practice skills, strengthen muscles, and improve their hand-eye coordination.

Most children will be

exposed to some sort of traumatic event during their childhood. Remember, trauma can be anything that a child finds distressing or emotionally painful.

The foundation of a child′s confidence is directly connected to their

feelings of competence in daily tasks. Repeatedly completing tasks leads children to believe that they are capable individuals.

When recognizing children, take the opportunity to give specific feedback about what you observed. When appropriate, talk with the children about how they

felt before, during, and after the event. Write down these comments and include them with the picture on the bulletin board.

A confident child will ask questions during a

field trip, which promotes cognitive development and language skills.

It may help, instead, to think of praise as a

form of acknowledging efforts.

researchers have discovered that the development of resilience depends on several factors,

from genetics to the environment to the relationships in the child′s life.

Confidence is defined as having

full trust or belief in something. In relation to resilience, it is the strong belief in one′s skills and abilities.

Supporting children in finding their areas of competence prepares them to

gain enough confidence to try new things and to make independent decisions.

Make it an intentional practice to recognize children engaging in

giving, helping, and contributing to the classroom community. Take pictures of children and post them on a bulletin board dedicated to giving or kindness.

The behavior examples provided are not acceptable, but when the behaviors become the focus of our attention, rather than the struggle, we miss opportunities to

help children process their emotions in relation to their mistakes or failures.

Contribution includes all the ways that children can

help others, lend a hand, cooperate, and participate in daily activities.

Although they are egocentric by nature, young children also have a desire to

help others. They may not be able to comprehend empathy fully, but a foundation of empathy is to learn to be kind to others and that it feels good to be helpful.

Plan intentional themes and activities that explore

how connections are formed, what it means to be a good friend, what trust looks like, and how it forms. Plan get-to-know-you activities at the beginning of the year and when new students enroll in the program.

Resilient children take less time to recover from traumatic events. Their signs and symptoms of trauma are less likely to

interfere with their ability to continue with typical life activities.

When trying a new activity, let children know

it is new for you. Let them know you are not sure if it will work. If you are confused, tell them. If you are excited, share it with the children. If you are proud of your work, tell them why.

Knowing that one′s contributions are valued helps

lead to the development of purpose and motivation. Resilient children feel as though they can make a difference in the world.

Establishing a sense of routine allows children to feel

less stress, less chaos, and be more emotionally prepared to handle and embrace each part of their day. A predictable routine allows for flexibility while also having a sense of order that the children can plan around.

Competent people may act with feeling but do not

let their emotions derail them. In other words, they overcome internal and external obstacles to stay on task and accomplish the goals they set for themselves.

Creating a sense of connection is a long-term commitment

made, modeled, and strengthened by the caregivers daily.

Resilient children feel as though they can

make a difference in the world.

As much as possible, children should be given the freedom to

make choices in the classroom. Children crave these opportunities. When the balance of control is centered too much with the caregiver, children may act to regain control.

There are many wonderful children′s books that provide an opportunity to have

meaningful conversations with children. Hold conversations during and after reading books with children. Take advantage of the connections children make with their favorite characters to talk about everyday challenges. Give children a chance to interact with the literature in a way that is meaningful to them. Listen and learn about children′s thoughts and feelings in relation to the essential topics present in children′s books.

Connection refers to the

meaningful relationships that children build with others.

Utilizing this need for physical stimulation can be useful to

minimize stress and anxiety.

When children have a strong feeling that their contributions matter, they become

more resilient to traumatic or stressful events in their lives.

s also possible to experience trauma from seeing violence in

movies, television, or video games. A child may experience trauma due to an encounter with a frightening dog or even a painful bee sting.

A competent person can notice what is

needed in a situation and respond accordingly.

Praise students' efforts, not necessarily their success. Make special note of

new skills the child has learned, how long they worked, or how well they engaged with peers.

A sense of competence refers to the knowledge that

one is capable of a particular task.

Sometimes, as teachers, we may not want to hurt children′s feelings. We may dismiss a mistake as irrelevant when, in fact, it′s

our job to point it out.

Resilience is built

over time in coordination with a child′s brain development. The development of resilience is integral to a child developing into an adult with confidence, a strong sense of self, and the ability to face adversity and adapt their behavior appropriately.

Children who learn to cope effectively with stress are better prepared to

overcome life′s challenges.

Every child has a place for their

personal belongings (cubbies, labeled bins, or hooks on the wall).

Some of the most effective coping strategies for children consist of a

physical action that children can use to relieve stress. Children are concrete and physical beings. They cannot yet think in the abstract. They are naturally drawn to different textures and sensory experiences.

Children should be encouraged to help

prepare their meals and snacks or gather the materials needed for a specific activity. Dressing and self-care acts are also great ways to promote a sense of competence. Rather than wiping each child′s face after a meal, encourage children to look closely at their faces in a mirror and wipe away any crumbs or sauce themselves.

Children need a strong foundational sense of right and wrong to ensure they are

prepared to make wise choices, contribute to the world, and become stable adults. Children with character have a sense of self-worth and confidence. They are more comfortable sticking to their values and demonstrating a caring attitude toward others.

Visual cues can be beneficial in

promoting competence.

Resilient children know that they have internal control and that their

reactions are their own decision, empowering children who have experienced trauma.

Children gain confidence by demonstrating their competence in

real situations like working with familiar materials, handling disagreements with peers, making choices, and sharing what they know with others.

Help children make connections between the skills they are learning in activities and

real-world situations.

Children who contribute to their communities may be surrounded by

reinforcing appreciation from others, which reinforces their positive behavior and improves their sense of competence and confidence.

We can enhance children′s feelings of happiness, improve their resilience, reduce bullying, enrich their friendships, and build peace by

reinforcing how it feels to be givers of kindness.

If children do not take ownership of their reactions, it is tough for them to be

resilient because they will continue to blame the outside situation and not focus on their reactions.

Once children understand their emotions and the physical sensations that accompany their feelings, they can begin to take steps to

respond to their feelings rather than reacting. Think of reacting as an automatic behavior. Responding, on the other hand, is done with intention or forethought.

The term contribution refers to the

role an individual plays to ensure the success of the larger group.

Family is the central force in most children′s lives, but connections to other communities create a

sense of belonging to a broader world. Children can build relationships with children and adults in child care programs, places of worship, community centers, and in their neighborhoods.

Trusting relationships built with caregivers, family, and peers help children develop a

sense of security and belonging. The feeling of connection to others is an essential element in being resilient.

Provide children a choice of where to

sit during whole group meetings and storytime.

Resilience is the ability to use

social-emotional skills to overcome the effects of stress or trauma in one′s life.

Consider using visual aids or illustrate a task′s

steps so children have visual clues for the steps they need to follow.

You may be aware of a child in your care who has experienced a traumatic event. Be sure to pay attention to

strategies you could use to support this child in your program.

If you make a mistake, tell the children about your experience. If things are not working out as expected,

talk through your problem-solving steps.

Coping refers to

the ability to face challenges or difficult times calmly and healthily.

A confident child will attempt challenging tasks on

the playground, which promotes coordination and physical development.

To properly understand resilience, we must first recognize

the role that trauma plays in children′s lives.

As adults, we have established patterns of coping that we use during difficult times. Children do not have these same tools, partly because

they are not developmentally capable of engaging in activities like journaling or talking with friends about their feelings.

Until children have learned these skills, they will make many mistakes. They will react rather than respond. They will seek to relieve stress in ways that may be unsafe to the other children in the program, like

throwing a block when frustrated. Consider this fact when working with children and provide them with the tools they need, rather than applying a blanket punishment or consequence.

Children love trying new tasks and exploring new materials. Caregivers must be on the lookout for ways

to promote competence as children take risks and try new challenges.

messages are sent through the caregiver′s words and actions. Messages about mistakes are also conveyed through

tone of voice and emotional responses.

we must work to instill in children as many

traits, attitudes, skills, and coping mechanisms as possible.

Working together makes the job easier than

trying to complete the task alone. Help children see the benefit of working together and supporting one another.

The development of character relates to the

understanding of right and wrong. It may also be referred to as morality or having strong values.

For children to cope with their emotions, they first need to develop an

understanding of what emotions are. Developing emotional literacy includes an awareness of different emotions, recognizing how they feel in their bodies, and having strategies to manage those emotions. Teaching children about feelings can be done throughout the curriculum and in the moment as emotions arise.

Imagine that a child is a train on a set of tracks. A resilient child is able to get knocked off the tracks by adverse events such as poverty or a traumatic event but finds their way back to the tracks by

using past experiences, relationships, and sense of self to find the way back in an appropriate manner.

These events can cause young children to feel

vulnerable, worried, fearful, sad, frustrated, or lonely. How children react to these situations and their ability to "bounce back" indicates their emotional competence and resilience.

Resilient children know that they can control their decisions and their actions despite

what is going on in their world. By contrast, if children have minimal exposure to making proper choices or to being in control of their destiny, they are limited in their ability to extend those skills during adversity.

Around the age of five, children begin to internalize values:

what is right for a trusted adult becomes right for them. Therefore, the caregiver′s values, virtuous or not, might be internalized by a child.

This confidence also encourages children to learn from

wrong answers, look for alternate solutions, and persist in the face of challenging tasks.