Chapter 11- Romantic Relationships

Intimacy

"feelings of closeness, connection, and tenderness," (Wood, 2015, p. 311). It is long-lasting affection towards one another, and it is why people stay together even after the passion in their relationship is mostly or all but gone.

Commitment

"the intention and decision to remain involved in a relationship," People invests a lot of time, money, and effort into relationships, and the more they do, the more committed they are. Researchers found that people stay in committed relationship for one of two broad reasons: 1. because they find the relationship to be comfortable and pleasing, 2. and/or because they want to avoid the negative repercussions of ending the relationship. "without commitment, romantic relationships are subject to the whims of transient feelings and circumstances,"

Agape

A blend of Stage and Eros. This type love others without expectations of personal gain or return. They feel the intense passion of eros and the constancy of storage. Generous, selfless, they put the other ahead of themselves. Giving to the other is their own reward. there are no true agape lovers, but many people have agape tendencies

Intensifying

Acquaintances to close friends Hesitant, tentative, and probing - increasingly direct expressions of commitment

Stagnating

Barely communicating

Differentiating

Begin to see differences as undesirable and annoying

Integrating/Revising

Commitment and relationship with own identity Togetherness - taste, attitudes, interests align

Storge

Confortable, even-keeled kind of love based on friendship and compatibility. Tends to develop gradually and to be peaceful and stable. Grows out of common interests, values, and life goals. Don't have highs of erotic love styles, but neither do they have their fiery conflict and anger.

Avoiding

Create physical and emotional distance

Circumscribing

Decreased quality and quantity of communication with partners

Deterioration Phases

Differentiating Circumscribing Stagnating Avoiding Terminating

Terminating

End of the relationship

Main Love Styles

Eros, Storge, Ludus

Experimenting

Having conversations and learning more Role of uncertainty varies culturally

Growth Phases

Initiating Experimenting Intensifying Integrating Bonding

Mania

Maniac lovers have the passion of eros, but they play by ludic rules. Tests and games, emotion extremes, obsessive.

Initiating/Invitational

Meeting and interacting for first time Likeable, understanding, social adept - observing

3 components of romantic love (passion, commitment, and intimacy)

Passion, Commitment, and Intimacy

Ludus

Playful love. They see love as an adventure, full of challenges and puzzles, and fun, so love isn't taken seriously. Commitment is not a goal. Enjoy falling in love many times.

Eros

Powerful, passionate style of love that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically. Most intuitive, spontaneous, and fastest moving love style.

Pragma

Practical Love. It blends the calculated planning of Lulus with the stable security of Storge. They have a clear criteria for partners.

Secondary Love Styles

Pragma, Mania, Agape

Bonding/Commitment

Public ritual and formal contracts

Passion

The first dimension of romantic relationships "describes intensely positive feelings and fervent desire for another person." It is not "restricted to sexual feelings," and it can also involve "powerful emotional, spiritual, and intellectual excitement." Passion is less central to our experience of love than the other two dimensions. It is what can start a relationship, but it isn't what keeps it together.