Chapter 11- Romantic Relationships
Intimacy
"feelings of closeness, connection, and tenderness," (Wood, 2015, p. 311). It is long-lasting affection towards one another, and it is why people stay together even after the passion in their relationship is mostly or all but gone.
Commitment
"the intention and decision to remain involved in a relationship," People invests a lot of time, money, and effort into relationships, and the more they do, the more committed they are. Researchers found that people stay in committed relationship for one of two broad reasons: 1. because they find the relationship to be comfortable and pleasing, 2. and/or because they want to avoid the negative repercussions of ending the relationship. "without commitment, romantic relationships are subject to the whims of transient feelings and circumstances,"
Agape
A blend of Stage and Eros. This type love others without expectations of personal gain or return. They feel the intense passion of eros and the constancy of storage. Generous, selfless, they put the other ahead of themselves. Giving to the other is their own reward. there are no true agape lovers, but many people have agape tendencies
Intensifying
Acquaintances to close friends Hesitant, tentative, and probing - increasingly direct expressions of commitment
Stagnating
Barely communicating
Differentiating
Begin to see differences as undesirable and annoying
Integrating/Revising
Commitment and relationship with own identity Togetherness - taste, attitudes, interests align
Storge
Confortable, even-keeled kind of love based on friendship and compatibility. Tends to develop gradually and to be peaceful and stable. Grows out of common interests, values, and life goals. Don't have highs of erotic love styles, but neither do they have their fiery conflict and anger.
Avoiding
Create physical and emotional distance
Circumscribing
Decreased quality and quantity of communication with partners
Deterioration Phases
Differentiating Circumscribing Stagnating Avoiding Terminating
Terminating
End of the relationship
Main Love Styles
Eros, Storge, Ludus
Experimenting
Having conversations and learning more Role of uncertainty varies culturally
Growth Phases
Initiating Experimenting Intensifying Integrating Bonding
Mania
Maniac lovers have the passion of eros, but they play by ludic rules. Tests and games, emotion extremes, obsessive.
Initiating/Invitational
Meeting and interacting for first time Likeable, understanding, social adept - observing
3 components of romantic love (passion, commitment, and intimacy)
Passion, Commitment, and Intimacy
Ludus
Playful love. They see love as an adventure, full of challenges and puzzles, and fun, so love isn't taken seriously. Commitment is not a goal. Enjoy falling in love many times.
Eros
Powerful, passionate style of love that blazes to life suddenly and dramatically. Most intuitive, spontaneous, and fastest moving love style.
Pragma
Practical Love. It blends the calculated planning of Lulus with the stable security of Storge. They have a clear criteria for partners.
Secondary Love Styles
Pragma, Mania, Agape
Bonding/Commitment
Public ritual and formal contracts
Passion
The first dimension of romantic relationships "describes intensely positive feelings and fervent desire for another person." It is not "restricted to sexual feelings," and it can also involve "powerful emotional, spiritual, and intellectual excitement." Passion is less central to our experience of love than the other two dimensions. It is what can start a relationship, but it isn't what keeps it together.