chapter 5

4 elements of the I statement

-Other person's behavior -Your interpretation -Your feelings -The consequence of the others behavior has for you

Potential Sources of Misunderstanding

1. Equivocal Language 2. Relative Language 3. Static Evaluation 4.Abstractions 5. Euphenisms

The Impact of Language

1. Naming and Identity - shape the way others see us 2. Affiliation, attraction and Interest - builds and demonstrated solidarity with others. - we like people who speak by us - he sounded to white that what black people said about obama 3. Perceptions of power are shaped by language use: a) Deferential language (defer to another person) - what do you think .. tim over here b) Hedges ("kind of" "I guess") - I guess its okay - gives an impression of how confident/secure we are c) Hesitations -("uh" "well") - d) Intensifiers - SOOO e) Polite form - ( "excuse me sir", use please and thank you) - always apologize giving some else powers f) Tag - ( isn't it ? don't you think? - says were not confident) g) Disclaimers ( I probably shouldn't say...)

Abstraction Ladder

a range of more to less abstract terms describing an event or object

Language of Responsibility

It => less personally responsible ( it bothers me) But => cancelling out but your assertion (You're great, but..) I => takes responsibility We => assumes responsibility for both people You => judges another ("You didn't")

Abstractions

language that is vague and unclear

abstract language

language that is vague and unclear

Behavioural language

language that refers to specific things that people do or say

Euphenisms

pleasant substitute for blunt honesty

static language

the tendency to view people or relationships as unchanging

Relative language

words that gain their meaning through comparison

1. Equivocal Language

words, word orders, phrases, or expressions that have more than one commonly accepted definition