EXSC 410 Exam 2

What is the definition of forgiveness?

Exercising our free will to let go of bitterness, resentment, ill will, or any other negative feeling we are harboring toward someone or something.

Pausch gives this quote after talking about this experience with football: "_____ is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted."

Experience

Ways to deal with anger: Expressing (Controlling Anger Before It Controls You)

Expressing in an assertive (not aggressive way) is healthiest: -make clear what your needs are and how to get them met without hurting others. -not pushy or demanding -respectful of self and others

Active anger management styles: Underhanders

Passive-aggressive Gets back at someone w/o them knowing that you're getting back at them. Focuses on the cause of anger, but is indirectly hostile rather than overtly hostile.

Why is it difficult to be assertive?

People have incorrect assumptions. They may have learned as children that their perceptions, opinions, feelings, and wants were less important or less correct than those of others. They grew up doubting themselves and looking to others for validation and guidance.

What are some guiding principles on when we should plan?

Plan as often as it makes sense to. Every semester, every year, every week, every day--a mix of short, intermediate, and long-term planning.

Three steps to anger inoculation: Step 4

Prepare for real-life provocations by having well-rehearsed coping thoughts ready. Stay alert for early warning signs of anger in your body and mind. Write an anger coping plan for each provocation where you forget to use your new skills.

What does the STATE stand for?. Know which steps fall under content and under process. Be able to use the STATE steps in a dialogue as described in the Lesson. Know why each of these steps are important. Practice these steps on different events/stories, such as the examples given in the Lesson. Present the facts: "I've noticed that . . ." Tell your story: "I'm beginning to think that . . ." Ask: "Am I off here?"

Share your facts Tell your story Ask for others' paths Talk tentatively Encourage testing First three steps = content Last two steps = process

Padmasana (Vajara) Lotus

cross-legged position in which one foot is placed on the thigh w/the sole facing up and the heel close to the abdomen, while the other foot is slowly placed on the opposite thigh with the sole facing up and the heel close to the abdomen. the knees continue to be in contact w/the ground. can alternate which foot is on top and bottom to even out pressure and maintain balanced flexibility

seven-point posture body position: arms

loose in lap w/right hand on top of left hand w/both hands slightly cupped thumbs meet to form a triangle, just below the belly button

What effect can prolonged anxiety have?

Sleep problems, fatigue, irritability, poor concentration --negatively impacts performance and productivity

Better Communicator (Controlling Anger Before It Controls You)

Slow down and think through response. Listen carefully to what others are saying and take time to answer. Listen to what is underlying the anger. Don't fight back when you're criticized--listen to what's underlying the words.

Why is it important that people feel safe during a conversation? What happens when they feel threatened or unsafe?

So they can stay out of fight-or-flight mode, think rationally, and problem solve. They will either shut down or become aggressive.

Problem Solving (Controlling Anger Before It Controls You)

Sometimes problems don't have solutions --> focus on how you handle and face the problem, not finding the solution. Make a plan, check progress along the way. Give it your best, but don't punish yourself if an answer doesn't come right away. -less likely to lose patience and fall into all-or-nothing thinking

Tactile

repeated touch

What is restrictive meditation?

requires focusing on a single thought also referred to as concentrative or stabilizing

According to paragment: collaborative approach to control

you recognize that God has given you certain resources and abilities and expects you to use them, but you also recognize that you need help from a higher power. The person is responsible for doing something and seeks the help of a higher power to support and aid them.

Characteristics of meditation

concentration, awareness of the moment in your present experience, and a non-judgmental, positive attitude

WHO definition of individual wellness

A state of complete physical, mental, and social wellbeing and not merely the absence of disease or infirmity.

What words should you avoid?

"I try" "I will"

What is time?

"the point or period at which things occur"Merriam-Webster 2016

What physiological changes take place with meditation? (book)

-HR and breathing rates slow down -O2 consumption falls by 20% -blood lactate levels drop (they rise w/stress and fatigue) -skin resistance to electrical current, a sign of relaxation, increases fourfold -EEG ratings of brain-wave patterns indicate increased alpha activity, another sign of relaxation

As you plan, what are some questions that you might ask yourself to plan effectively?

-What can someone else do? -What doesn't need to be done? -What can I do more efficiently? -How am I wasting other people's time?

Using Humor (Controlling Anger Before It Controls You)

-can help defuse rage -can bring perspective -don't try to laugh off your problems; use humor to help yourself face them more constructively. -don't give into harsh, sarcastic humor -don't take yourself too seriously (i.e. imagine your colleague as an actual bag of dirt and yourself as a supreme ruler to see how ridiculous it is)

Ways to overcome procrastination (Reading & book)

-create your own deadlines -schedule your tasks -use a timer to at least start for a doable amount of time -do the biggest, ugliest project first -get something done on your to-do list -stop staring and start doing (just jump in_ -use the two-minute rule: if it will take less than two minutes to do and it's important, then do it now. -break down projects and tasks into smaller pieces -eliminate distractions *each interruption takes 6-9 minutes and then it takes about 3-4 minutes to get back on track. -stop worrying -start small -count the cost (compare the discomfort of doing it vs the cost of delay) -look for hidden rewards -confront negative beliefs -double your resistance -take responsibility for each delay (make a list of procrastination and how long it takes; add up the time and list all of the things you could have done instead) -tie a distasteful activity to an activity that you know you will do -reward yourself for doing activities that are unpleasant to you -finish things

Changing Your Environment (Controlling Anger Before It Controls You)

-give yourself a break -schedule personal time for times of the day that you know are particularly stressful

Time-wasters *identify and describe

-piles of papers: we should only touch each paper once, to throw it away or to do something with it -lots of emails: you should immediately do something with each email when you read it -TV -internet -phone interruptions -drop-in visitors -unproductive meetings -ineffective delegation of responsibilities -crises -activities that lack direction -overly ambitious goals

8 steps of assertiveness training

1) Identifying three basic interpersonal styles

What are the three steps in building a personal values statement?

1) Identifying your values 2) Prioritizing your values 3) writing a clarifying paragraph about your values

What are Abraham Maslow's hierarchy of needs? Describe each and why order is important. How do these needs impact anxiety and fear?

1) Physiological needs -breathing, food, water, sleeping, homeostasis, physical exertion 2) Safety -security, order, stability -security of body, employment, resources, morality, family safety, property 3) Love or belonging -psychological & social needs -friendship, family relationships, sexual intimacy 4) self-esteem -self-respect and respect and acceptance from others. -jobs, relationships, volunteer work, hobbies -sense of accomplishment and value 5) self-actualization -desire to achieve full potential Some needs have to be met before people can meet other needs. Fears are elicited when some basic human need is threatened.

Disney has four key values. What are they, and how do they relate to step 2?

1) Safety 2) Courtesy 3) Show 4) Efficiency If any of the two values conflict, the higher value always wins. I.e. safety always comes first.

7 aspects of individual wellness

social environmental financial physical intellectual emotional spiritual

5 aspects of spiritual wellness

1) a sense of peace, meaning, and purpose of life 2) faith and hope 3) a feeling of connectedness to others 4) compassion for others 5) participation in religious behaviors and spiritual rituals

What are the three steps to problem solving your worrying?

1) clearly define the problem 2) brainstorm solutions 3) make a contract w/yourself to follow through on solutions

Three steps to successful time management

1) create goals to help meet your values 2) set priorities based on those goals 3) plan out time to meet priorities

5 ways to de-escalate the anger emotion

1) find safety 2) take time out 3) relax 4) laugh 5) solve a problem

Sticky note method of eating an elephant

1) identify the project 2) get a pad of sticky notes 3) brainstorm all the steps it will take to complete the project 4) write each of these steps on a sticky note 5) organize them from what needs to be done first, second, etc. 6) start on sticky note one and work to the last, one at a time.

Four steps to anger inoculation

1) relaxation skills 2) coping thoughts 3) inoculation 4) real-life coping

what are the five principles that lead to effective goals? describe each

1) seek divine help 2) have clearly defined values so that we start with the end in mind 3) write down your goals 4) be SMART in goal writing 5) frequently review your goals

3 elements of a crucial conversation

1) start with "can I talk to you about something? 2) start with facts: here's what I saw, here's what I heard 3) tell them you're interpretation in a tentative way 4) ask, "did I get this right?" and listen to their perspective

What are the three things that you need to do when safety of the conversation is at risk?

1) step out of content (conversation) 2) determine what is making people feel unsafe 3) rebuild safety

Define faith?

A belief in something for which there is no proof A belief in, or commitment to, something or someone seen or unseen that helps a person realize a purpose.

When we are angry, we often do and say things that we wouldn't otherwise say and do. What causes this behavior?

A shift in blood flow in the brain--moves blood away from the prefrontal cortex and to the limbic area of the brain. This means that the area of the brain that is important for regulating emotion and behavior is not functioning well --> we are more likely to act irrationally

What is the Pareto principle? How does it relate to successful time management?

AKA the 80-20 rule 80% of the effects come from 20% of the causes 20% of our activities give us 80% of the results we want; 80% of our activities give us 20% of the results we want. If we can identify the activities that give us most of our results and successfully prioritize them, we will be successful.

Active anger management styles: Exploder

Aggressive and expresses anger in a hostile way. Yelling, screaming, violence, abuse.

Why is relaxation important in anger inoculation? -both before and during What does an elevated sympathetic nervous system do to anger?

An elevated sympathetic nervous system can provoke more angry thoughts. It's important to learn how to relax so you can call on those coping skills during an anger event.

What is anger? (Controlling Anger Before It Controls You)

An emotional state that varies in intensity from mild irritation to intense fury and rage. Accompanied by physiological changes Can be caused by both external and internal events

Three steps to anger inoculation: Step 3

Anger Inoculation Think back and write down 5 anger situations you've struggled with over the past few weeks. For each situation, identify: -your anger-triggering thoughts -any anger distortions that might be embedded in your trigger thoughts -counter-response strategies that might neutralize the distortions -one or more helpful coping thoughts, including revisiting the trigger thought to become more accurate Next, practice your new coping skills (relaxation and anger coping thoughts) while visualizing anger scenes of increasing intensity. Write 10 anger scenes of increasing intensity.

What two emotions keep us from forgiving? Why is forgiveness so important for stress management? What does forgiveness do for our stress emotions?

Anger and fear When we don't forgive, we continue to relive the stressful emotions and situation over and over again--we experience a stress response over and over again. Forgiveness frees yourself from anger and fear and increases your feelings of hope, self-efficacy, and emotional self-management.

Ways to deal with anger: Suppressing (Controlling Anger Before It Controls You)

Anger can be suppressed and then converted or redirected. Hold in anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. The aim is to inhibit or suppress your anger and convert it into more constructive behavior. Danger: anger can turn inward on yourself. Can cause: -hypertension or depression -passive-aggressive behavior -cynical and hostile personality -putting others down, criticizing everything, making cynical comments

What is the Niagara Syndrome? Who was it developed by? What does it mean?

Anthony Robbins People go with the flow on the river of life, never deciding where they want to end up. Then they find out they're five feet from Niagara Falls in a boat w/no oars and they take a fall (emotional, physical, financial, etc.)

What are the stress emotions related to fear?

Anxiety

Is anxiety bad? How much is the right amount? When is it bad?

Anxiety becomes a problem when it is triggered too frequently, is too intense, or you can't turn it off. It can be helpful when it helps you prepare for actually possible threats/dangers. Some anxiety is needed for optimal performance because it moves us to action. Too much anxiety results in an inability to cope and reduces performance.

Assertiveness training: step 7

Arriving at a Workable Compromise -when two people's interests are in direct conflict, a fair compromise that totally satisfies both parties is difficult or impossible to achieve. Instead, look for a workable compromise you both can live with, at least for a while. -try having both parties brainstorm alternatives, and then cross off ones that aren't mutually acceptable. -try asking, "what would you need from me to feel okay doing this my way?"

Assertiveness training: step 6

Assertive listening: focus your attention on the other person so you can accurately hear the speaker's opinions, feelings, and wishes. 1) Prepare 2) Listen and clarify (the other person's perspective, feelings, and wants) 3) Acknowledge

Assertiveness training: step 5

Assertive nonverbal communication 1) Maintain direct eye contact. 2) Maintain an erect body posture 3) Speak clearly, calmly, and firmly 4) Don't whine or use an apologetic or hostile tone of voice 5) Use gestures and facial expressions for emphasis that are congruent with what you have to say.

How is assertiveness different than aggression? (book/text)

Assertiveness assumes that both people's needs are equally important, while aggression assumes that your own needs are more important.

Assertiveness training: step 8

Avoiding Manipulation

Why is content of a conversation not as important as the process of a conversation in maintaining safety in a conversation?

Because process is most important in creating safety and preventing the stress response

Anger distortions

Blaming -someone else is responsible for your pain and there's nothing you can do about it Magnifying: -the tendency to take what is uncomfortable and frame it as so much worse. Global labels: -sweeping global judgments to inflame your anger -ignores the full reality of who the human being is with whom you are angry; reduces that person to a single negative term Misattribution -jumping to conclusions and mind reading -assume malicious intent -don't ask questions or get direct feedback Overgeneralization -never, always, nobody, everybody Demanding/commanding -turns personal needs or preferences into immutable laws -imposes your values and needs on others who may have different values and needs

What is the relationship between faith/hope and stress emotions?

Both faith and hope override the stress emotions of fear and anxiety

4 ways for getting people to help you reach your goals (Randy Pausch)

By telling the truth, being earnest Apologize when you screw up Focus on other people, not on yourself. Don't bail--the best of the gold is at the bottom of barrels of crap

Cognitive Restructuring (Controlling Anger Before It Controls You)

Changing the way you think. Replacing exaggerated and dramatic thoughts w/more rational ones. Remember that getting angry won't fix anything and won't make you feel better. Become aware of their demanding nature and translate their expectations into desires. -you'll feel frustration, disappointment, and hurt, but not anger, when you don't get what you want

Hardiness theory

Control Commitment Challenge Those who have greater spirituality and/or are more religious tend to be hardier. -greater commitment bc they know their life purpose -challenges are seen as part of the path -greater determination to overcome challenges

7 pieces of advice that Randy Pausch gives (the last lecture)

Decide if you're a Tigger or if you're an Eeyore. Never lose the childlike wonder Help others Loyalty is a two-way street Never give up Get a feedback loop and listen to it. When people give you feedback, cherish it and use it. Show gratitude. Don't complain, just work harder. Be good at something; it makes you valuable. Work hard. Find the best in everybody. If you wait long enough, people will show you their good side. Be prepared. Luck is where preparation meets opportunity.

Assertiveness training: step 3

Describe your problem scenes -who is involved -time and setting -what bothers you -how you deal with it -your fear of what will take place if you are assertive -your goal

Three steps to anger inoculation: Step 2

Develop Anger Coping Thoughts Thoughts have an enormous impact on anger and the ability to defuse it. Anger triggering thoughts are built on the following assumptions: 1) the belief you have been harmed and/or victimized 2) the belief that the provoking person harmed you deliberately 3) the belief that the provoking person was wrong to harm you and should have behaved differently

Why is this step important when it comes to decision making?

Once you order the values, no decision is too difficult. If there is a decision that puts two of your values in conflict with each other, you can choose what will honor your higher value.

How do you vent anger? How do you know if you're venter your anger appropriately?

Direct the venting toward the provocation (i.e. not yelling at roommates b/c you're mad at HW) Venting needs to restore a sense of control rather than cause a lack of control. -must not provoke retaliation -should be communicated safely by using "I" statements Venting should lead to a change in the behavior of the person causing your anger or a personal resolution within yourself to change.

What does the sand, rock, pebble metaphor each us about time management?

Do most important priorities first and least important things last

Why is problem solving your worry a good strategy for dealing with worrying? (hint: where does problem solving take place in the brain?)

Each time you tackle situations you're worried about, you become more confident and resilient. Each time you focus on problem solving, you become more aware of the resources you have to accomplish your goals. Engages the prefrontal cortex, stops fight-or-flight mode

What happens on both ends of the spectrum? Why/how does this make it difficult to have a successful conversation?

Either extreme makes it difficult to have a conversation. Passiveness doesn't allow for open dialogue and aggressiveness causes people to either stop talking or to also become aggressive.

compassion vs. empathy

Empathy refers to our ability to see events from another person's perspective and to feel their emotions. Compassion includes empathy but couples this emotion with the strong desire to help.

How is faith related to control?

Faith enhances feelings of safety by either exercising control or giving it up. Increasing sense of control helps to decrease stress. Being able to give a stressor that is out of your control to someone or something that you trust is stress-relieving.

Define fear and anxiety. Make sure to address imagination in the definitions.

Fear is a valid perception of present danger and is a healthy stress emotion. Allows us to know something is wrong and move us towards action. Anxiety is fear of the future. It anticipates future danger. Allows us to anticipate threats that may come up and moves us to action to deal with those threats. Moderate levels are adaptive and can improve performance.

What does it mean that many fears are not innate?

Fears are learned from repeated exposure

Define "path of action" as described in the crucial conversations text.

First, we gather evidence (see and hear) Then, we interpret the evidence and tell ourselves a story about the evidence. This alters the way we feel. Those feelings lead to action.

Tibetan word for meditation What does this word mean?

Gom to become familiar, familiarizing, habituating it's easier to feel emotions we are familiar with

Exposure models (see web and ch 13 imagery exposure)

Helps to teach yourself that whatever is causing the anxiety is not scary. Expose yourself, then wait until those anxious feelings subside and you habituate. In vivo exposure occurs within a natural setting - you experience the stressor as you would in real life. Imaginal exposure therapy uses imagery, or your imagination, to expose yourself to the stressor. Flooding: jumping into the exposure Gradual: slowly exposing yourself to greater amounts of the stressor. *important to expose yourself until the anxious feelings subside. If you run away, you have reinforced the anxious feeling.

How is hope related to stress management? How do we cultivate hope in our lives?

Hope is a cognitive process that can be learned and strengthened w/practice. Attitudes of patience, persistence, and courage help foster hope. Stress management: if you can hope for a better tomorrow, then most things are bearable today.

Process

How you say things in a crucial conversation

When we are recognizing events and situations and being candid toward them, what two important emotions do we need to demonstrate to create safety in a conversation?

Humility and love

Give some examples of the "I" messages that are good

I eat food that is healthy for my body. I am honest in what i say and do.

Assertiveness training: step 1

Identifying three basic interpersonal styles: -Aggressive: opinions, feelings, and wants are honestly stated but at the expense of someone else's feelings. -Passive: opinions, feelings, and wants are withheld altogether or expressed indirectly and only in part. -Assertive style: clearly state opinions, feelings, and wants w/o violating the rights of others.

What are the three steps in building a personal values statement? Step 1

Identifying your values

Time Management Matrix (know the four quadrants) How is this used for time management? How is it used for stress management?

Important-Urgent Important-Not Urgent Not Important-Urgent Not Important-Not Urgent

What are a few potential benefits of spirituality and religious observance to stress management?

Increased faith, hope, charity, participation in prayer and other religious rituals, meditation, scripture study, and service. Increased emphasis on family, community, and forgiveness. Improved health behaviors.

Is multitasking effective or ineffective? What is the truth about multitasking and stress?

Ineffective Our minds are quickly switching back and forth from one activity to the other, which is stressful. multitasking as a myth and trying to multitask is stressful

What is the difference between instrumental values and terminal values? Which one is best? How/Why?

Instrumental values consist primarily of personal characteristics and character traits. A way of living. Terminal values are outcome/ destination/ achievement values. Not personal characteristics or character traits, but rather they're what you become or where you'll be. Terminal values are best, but instrumental values are good when writing the clarifying statement on how you will live to achieve the terminal value.

List multiple ways of why it is important to formally define your values (4 ways)

It allows you to focus your attention on achieving the values that you hold most dear. We organize our thoughts and make decisions about how we want to live before we are confronted w/the choices. If we have a clear vision of what we want to become and where we want to be (and reflect on this vision frequently) we will achieve our most cherished dreams. It reduces stress: when what we value and what we do are in harmony, we have inner peace. More clear direction that results in a greater sense of control--feelings of control are stress reducing.

Why is procrastination a problem for stress management? What quadrant does this usually take place in (time management matrix)?

It causes stress. It takes stuff from important-not urgent to important-urgent

How does spirituality fit into overall wellness?

It is an important aspect of overall wellness; it can affect the other aspects of wellness

What is the value of time? Why is understanding the value of time helpful?

It is far more precious and limited than money. Understanding how valuable your time is leads to the desire to manage your time better. Understanding how much your time is worth (monetarily) can help you decide when to pay somebody to do things for you and how to invest your time and money.

How is formally defining your values an act of purposeful living?

It's taking charge and control of your life. Who is the person you want to become and what is the life you want to live?

Four steps to anger inoculation: Step 1

Learn to relax learn strategies for quick relief that you can use when you start to feel angry: -diaphragmatic breathing -cue-controlled relaxation Learning more general stress relief techniques is also helpful.

ABC method

Method of prioritizing to-do list A-priority: -supports a specific long-term goal -you must do this task -it is both urgent and important -there are serious consequences if you do not do the task B priority: 1) it's important, but not urgent 2) tasks you should do 3) time is what elevates a B activity to an A activity--if it's important but doesn't have a deadline, then it's likely a B activity. 4) you should never do a B task when there are A tasks left unfinished C-priority: 1) it's nice, but not important or doesn't help to meet your long-term goals 2) the consequences of not getting these tasks done are mild or nonexistent

What role does the imagination have in our reaction?

Once the stressor is experienced, the imagination can take control and replicate the experience over and over. The imagined experience can be worse than the actual experience, since it can be exaggerated and distorted.

Ways to deal with anger: Calming (Controlling Anger Before It Controls You)

Not just controlling outward behavior, but also controlling internal responses. Taking steps to lower HR, calm down, let the feelings subside.

What are the three steps in building a personal values statement? Step 2

Prioritize your values

Rational vs. irrational fears

Rational: -beneficial -produced from actual events that are threatening and require you to act for survival. Irrational: -useless -come from imagined, exaggerated, or distorted thinking. -can lead to habits of pessimistic thinking that are detrimental, self-propagating, and hard to get rid of. -the target of stress management

What role does relaxation play? (see web & ch 13 relaxation skills for general and acute tension relief)

Relaxation techniques can help diminish the stress response to allow for better treatment outcomes. Can help lower the baseline level fo anxiety. Helps to reduce the physiological stress response.

Four steps/tools to help calm down angry feelings: (Controlling Anger Before It Controls You)

Relaxation: -breathe deeply, from diaphragm -slowly repeat a calm word or phrase while breathing deeply -use imagery; visualize a relaxing experience -non-strenuous, slow yoga-like exercise can relax your muscles and make you feel calmer

Define spirituality and religiosity How are they related/different?

Religiosity: an adherence to a particular religion or set of beliefs. Spirituality: a process, a journey, and the essence of life. Reflects the transcendent relationship w/a higher power. A connectedness with this power and those around us. Helps us understand the purpose and meaning of our existence and helps us define our values. Can be religious w/o being spiritual; can be spiritual w/o being religious.

religious vs. not religious: rates of depression, anxiety, suicide, smoking, alcohol consumption, and other health behaviors

Religious: lower rates of depression and anxiety-related illness. Half of the average rate of health problems. Suicide rates 4x lower. Lower rates of smoking, alcohol consumption, and other negative health behaviors.

What are some examples of ways you can harm a conversation, both verbally and non-verbally?

Rude, harsh, or unwelcoming statements. i.e. "you are an idiot" Rolling your eyes or scowling

Violation of a rule

Rules can be explicitly expressed or they can be personal rules based on what individuals have decided are the way things should be. i.e. -slow traffic should keep to the right -people should be quiet in the library -people should say thank you -it shouldn't rain on your wedding day **notice all the "shoulds" --> cognitive distortion

Acceptance model

Running away reinforces the anxiety, because we feel better when we remove ourselves from the stressor. We learn to be afraid of the stressor rather than learning to deal with it. The more you fight against anxiety, the worse it gets. Acceptance is about learning to accept anxious thoughts and feelings and realizing that they are normal.

______ and ______ are at the heart of crucial conversations. What does this mean? Be able to apply this concept.

Safety and achieving dialogue Recognize situations and be candid with humility and love. Helps so that the fight-or-flight response doesn't kick in for the other person.

When you notice that dialogue has stopped, what should you do?

Step back and ask yourself what you have done to cause the other person to feel unsafe. You have to remedy the lack of safety before you can get back into dialogue.

What does it mean to change your worry behavior? How is this done?

Stop engaging in behaviors that are meant to help protect you from uncertainty; they keep your fear and anxiety alive bc you never learn that the thing you are afraid of isn't actually harmful. Behavioral testing: experiment w/stopping the behavior. Record feared/expected outcome and actual outcome. Eventually you learn that the feared outcomes don't happen.

Quality 5: Participation in religious behaviors and spiritual rituals How do rituals/behaviors influence the brain?

They cause a relaxation response and can reshape the brain. Prayer and meditation have the ability to mold the brain. The more we focus on something, the more it becomes part of our reality. Bc it changes the neural connections in our brains. Increased activity in the prefrontal cortex.

What is the definition of compassion?

THE EMOTIONAL DESIRE OF AN INDIVIDUAL TO HELP ALLEVIATE SOMEONE'S SUFFERING.

What reason does Pausch give for why we have brick walls in our lives?

They let us show our dedication

Assertiveness training: step 2

The assertiveness questionnaire. Addresses: -when do I behave nonassertively? -who are the people with whom I am nonassertive? -what do i want that I have been unable to achieve with nonassertive styles? -why am I hesitant to be assertive?

Why is the beginning of the conversation so important to the outcome? Be specific and use statistics

The first 30 to 60 seconds of a conversation is the most important because we go into the conversation loaded with emotion. Go into it calm, start with the facts, and recognize where you've filled in the facts with your own story.

What is assertiveness training? (Book)

The goal of assertiveness training is to increase the number and variety of situations in which assertive behavior is possible and to decrease occasions of passive collapse or hostile blowup.

Cognitive model

The relationship between our thoughts, moods and behaviors. Uses cognitive restructuring to change cognitive distortions.

Explain how the cognitive, acceptance, and exposure models are used along with relaxation for treating/preventing anxiety.

They all go hand-in-hand

How can traumatic experiences influence our behavior/reaction to future stressors?

They can create a conditioned response that influences our behavior. Response can range from caution to paralyzing fear.

What is the behavioral response to fear? How does this relate to stress reactivity?

To run away. Fear and anxiety produce the flight part of the fight-or-flight response.

What is the literal meaning of compassion?

To suffer together

Avoidance (Controlling Anger Before It Controls You)

Try avoiding what makes you angry (i.e. a child's messy room)

Timing (Controlling Anger Before It Controls You)

Try changing the times when you talk about important matters so they don't turn into arguments

What is meditation?

a formal practice of mindfulness

Mandala

a geometric figure

Three parts to emotional literacy

Understanding that: 1) It's acceptable to feel an emotion 2) It's acceptable to safely express the emotion 3) There are ways to effectively control the expression of the emotion

Quality 1: A sense of peace, meaning and purpose of life How does purpose and meaning influence stress? (You might want to refer to values, financial management and time management to supplement this answer)

Understanding the reason you are here reduces anticipatory anxiety bc you know where you're going and what you have to do to get there. Knowing your path in life --> sense of peace Understanding life's purpose --> spiritual growth --> increased feelings of control in life Knowledge of destination --> make choices on how to get there. If we know our purpose and meaning, it's easier to see how bad experiences can become more positive

Quality 3: A feeling of connectedness to others What is it about or makeup that makes social contact/connectedness so important?

We are genetically programmed to respond to gentle physical touch and soft vocalizations from others. There is an evolutionary advantage to being socially connected and involved: helps minimize the impact of tough times. Giving social support activates reward centers in our brain, improving our mood, sense of well-being, and feelings of worth

Content

What you say in a crucial conversation

What does compassion do for us physically and psychologically?

When we feel compassion, our HR slows down, we release oxytocin, and regions of our brain that are related to empathy, caregiving, and pleasure become highly active. Compassion training lowers stress hormones and increases immune function.

Don't get what we want

When we get angry, we are responding to a perceived need to have things they way we want them. Often includes thoughts such as "should," "ought," must"

Describe/define sucker's choice? Be able to identify when you are making a sucker's choice. What should you think instead

When we see things as either/or with no third option. Think of "and" as the third option. Look at it from an objective point of view and ask "what is my real motivation?" Look for a way that everybody's needs can be met so that safety can be maintained.

Define indirect exposure

When you become acquainted with the stressor through the experiences of someone else.

Define direct exposure

When you experience the stressor firsthand, or personally

Control theory primary vs secondary control

When you feel some control over a stressor, you are less affected by it. Primary control: a means by which people exercise control by changing the situation. Problem-focused. Secondary control: changing yourself. Emotion-focused. taking control by changing your attitude.

Seiza position

a kneeling position done with or w/o a band to make more comfortable on knees: can use a pillow or cushion between legs and butt, or use a seiza bench

What are the three steps in building a personal values statement? Step 3

Write clarifying paragraphs. Positive statements on what it means to live your most important values.

According to paragment: self-directed approach to control

You acknowledge God and that He has provided resources and talents for you to use, but that you, as an individual, are responsible for using these resources and effecting the outcome.

What is the utility of a time long? How is it done? How do you evaluate it?

You can evaluate how you are spending your time and whether it's in line with your values. Keep track of how you spend your time for three days. Do this every hour, or at least three times a day (at lunch, at dinner, and at bed time) Evaluate: -mark activities that are in line with your values and goals with a star -circle activities that are not in line with your values and goals -mark activities that violate your values with an X. -are some of your values and goals being neglected or ignored?

Understand why personal value statements are important (at least 3 reasons)

You can review it frequently. The more the personal vision is in your mind, the more it becomes your reality. Being able to see the end at the beginning helps us to achieve our most cherished values. Happier and more satisfied with our lives. Knowing and living with our values helps us to better manage stress. Clearly defined values help us to make better use of our time and resources. Life decisions become easier to make Added sense of control.

Assertiveness training: step 4

Your script for change: 1) Arrange a time and place to discuss your problem w/the other person 2) Define the problem situation as specifically as possible 3) Describe your feelings so the other person has a better understanding of how important the issue is to you. 4) Express what you want in one or two easy-to-understand sentences 5) Reinforce the other person to give you what you want.

Define values

a principle, standard, or quality considered worthwhile or desireable something that is worth pursuit Values are a persistent belief that a way of conducting yourself or end-state of existence is more desireable, personally or socially, than another or opposite way of conducting yourself or end-state of existence.

Nadam

a repeated sound

Mantra

a repeated word or thought

Define hope?

a spiritual practice that allows us to get through difficult times the absence of hope is darkness; being filled w/hope is light

What are time management planning basics?

a to-do list and a calendar prioritize your to-do list and then put the items in the calendar in order of imporance

Visual mantra

a visual object of focus or a picture

Results of meditation

allows the mind to rest and calm down your mind starts to become familiar with being in focus

What is a koan?

anecdotes or riddles used in meditation to ponder the inadequacy of logic and reasoning and to lead toward intuitive enlightenment these questions defy rational answers the object of a koan is to contemplate a story or question to come to enlightenment

What is mindfulness?

awareness with equanimity equanimity = mental calmness, composure, and evenness of temper, especially in a difficult situation Paying attention to purpose without judgment, or with acceptance. Being actively engaged in the moment w/o judgment. Experiencing the moment as it truly is w/o delusions.

What is anger inoculation? (book)

based on the anger management protocol developed by Jerry Deffenbacher if you progressively expose yourself to memories of more and more provocative anger situations--while using coping skills--you will learn to manage the anger response.

4th principle for effective goals

be SMART in goal writing Specific Measurable Achievable Realistic Time-bound

passive anger management styles: Self-punishers

channels anger into guilt feelings that you shouldn't be angry or you're not a good person for being upset

If you are falling asleep during meditation, what can you do?

check posture to make sure back is straight make sure head is not too far forward keep eyes half open increase light in room take a break and come back when you're less tired

Breath-counting meditation

count with the rhythm of the breath count at each exhale, repeating one to four if a sensation catches your attention, focus on it until it recedes. then return your attention to the inhale and exhale and counting

Step 3: relax

de-escalate the stress response and alter emotions to address the situation in a more rational way -take deep breaths -try mental imagery

Step 5: solve a problem

doing math problems in your head helps de-escalate the stress response starts to engage the logical mind and helps us better regulate our emotions

Step 1: find safety

find places and people who make us feel safe helps calm down and redirect blood away from limbic system

Sitting meditation

focus on breath label thoughts and move on

5th principle for effective goals

frequently review your goals put them in places where you will view them often be willing to adapt when needed find success in striving, not in achievement

According to paragment: deferring approach to control

give up control and turn the burden over to something that you trust will aid in the outcome.

chair meditation

have hips a little higher than knees - helps keep back straight don't slouch cushion under butt can help

Step 4: laugh

humor is a cognitive component that helps to engage the prefrontal cortex and change your emotions

Violation of Expectations

i.e. expectations that: -car should run properly -people should answer the phone -lines should be reasonable -drivers should be curteous

Finding Alternatives (Controlling Anger Before It Controls You)

i.e. if traffic makes you mad, find another route or take the bus

What parts of the body are involved in the seven-point posture body position? Describe each

legs arms back head eyes jaw tongue

Burmese position

less stable than lotus, but easier for beginners placing both feet on the floor in front of one another, in a cross-legged position

Ardha Padmasana Half lotus

intermediate position for beginners the right leg is placed on top of the thigh with the sole facing up and the heel close to the abdomen. the left leg is tucked under the right leg with the sole touching the right thigh. alternate which leg is on top and bottom to more evenly distribute pressure

Attitude and the role it plays in meditation. What kind of attitude should we have and why?

non-judgmental

What is contemplative or analytical meditation?

more expansive allow your mind to contemplate a specific question or concept

seven-point posture body position: back

most important part straight with spine stacked vertical like a stack of coings

Mindfulness of pain or discomfort

notice pain or discomfort and try to soften around it rather than tense up around it

Letting go of thoughts

observe and let them pass without creating a story about them

If you start to get distracted while meditating, what should you do?

observe distraction w/o getting emotionally involved and gently redirect thoughts back to your mental device may have to allow your mind to ponder and contemplate your feelings to know why it's hard to concentrate remind yourself of why you are meditating check posture reduce light in the room be patient - it takes time to train your mind practice nine-round breathing: -first three rounds of breathing, breath in through right nostril and out through the left -next three rounds involve breathing in through left and out through right -final three rounds involve breathing in and out through both nostrils

seven-point posture body position: legs

provides a foundation for your spine

1st principle for effective goals

seek divine help scripture study, prayer, contemplation, fasting, temples, communing with God. Seek inspiration as you write goals and then present them to HF.

Mantra meditation

select a word or syllable chant it silently to yourself note thoughts and sensations, then return your attention to your repetition stay aware of each repetition of each syllable

What is the difference between short, intermediate, and long-term goals? Why is it important to create an action plan for your goals?

short-term: take over 5 years to accomplish medium-term: take between 1-5 years to accomplish short-term: take from one week to less than one year The most common reason people don't attain their goals is b/c they don't have an action plan that gives them a step-by-step. W/o an action plan, your goal may seem too big and too remote.

seven-point posture body position: jaw

should be relaxed

seven-point posture body position: head

should facilitate a straight spine w/a slight forward slant

seven-point posture body position: tongue

should touch the palate just behind the upper teeth reduces saliva production and the frequency of swallowing, which can interfere w/meditation

When we have tough conversations, they usually take place on a spectrum from ______ to ______.

silence to violence (passive to aggressive)

How does impermanence relate to greed and suffering?

since all things, relationships, and experiences are impermanent, they must come to an end, and when they do there is suffering.

seven-point posture body position: eyes

slightly open and cast down closed eyes are okay, but can lead to falling asleep

Placebo theory

spiritually healthy people deal w/stress better bc of the effect that strong faith has on their mind and body.

2nd principle for effective goals

start with the end in mind goals should be a reflection of your values values set the direction for your life

Step 2: take time out

step away from the situation briefly allows the brain to calm down and engage in rational thinking -count to 10 -take a walk -get a drink of water *NOT running away so the situation remains unresolved

Why and how do delusions relate to suffering and stress? How is this related to cognitive distortions

the only ability things have to make us happy is the ability we give to them things we don't want and try to push away don't have any ability to make us unhappy. We perceive things to be good or bad when in reality, they are neither.

What does it mean to be spiritually well?

the answer is personal and involves your values and beliefs

Pranayama

the breath

What part of our internal wiring (stress response) has to do with the two items on the spectrum?

the fight or flight response leads to silence or violence in communication

According to paragment: pleading approach to control

the individual begs God to resolve the situation

Passive anger management styles: Somatizers

the martyr style people hold their feelings inside and do not express them

Greed

things we want or that we think will make us happy we think it has something inherent that will make us happy (happier) experiences, relationships, objects

How do values affect your decision making?

those w/clearly defined values are better able to make decisions they bring clarity to our life's purpose

Support theory

those who are spiritual better understand their connectedness to others and thus experience greater social support. when we help others, we activate regions of our brain that are connected to reward and well-being--helps us manage our stress social connectedness is a means of directly changing how we think and feel, which gives us greater resilience and helps change our perspective

Hatred

what we feel toward things we don't want and think having them would make us less happy we don't enjoy and don't want to experience. We push them away or try to avoid them.

What does the following quote mean for stress management? Viktor E. Frankl wrote in his book Man's Search for Meaning that "in some way, suffering ceases to be suffering at the moment it finds a meaning, such as the meaning of sacrifice"

when we can see meaning in stressors, the stressor changes and is less threatening

Define delusion

when we hold to our own constructs of reality (perceptions) instead of perceiving reality as it truly is.

How to find stable/sustainable happiness?

within ourselves and in things that are eternal

3rd principle for effective goals

write down your goals gives them form and permanency and helps you review them