final exam 9 to 12?
mania
madness; passion of eros + play by ludus rules; unsure of others' love & will devise test & games to evaluate committment
true
Conflict can be beneficial for individuals and relationships.
true
In African American families headed by single women, daughters frequently exhibit greater self-reliance and self-esteem than their Caucasian counterparts.
eros, storge, and ludos.
The three primary styles of love are:
emotions
affected by words & thoughts; how we feel is affected by what we say to others & what we communicate to ourselves via self-talk
committed romantic relationships
b/t individuals who assume that they will be primary & continuing parts of each others' lives
serious violation of friendship rules
betrayal of trust
commitment
deciding to stay; maintenance, behaviors; cooperation, patience, polite; dual perspective; relationship = exclusive; idealizing/personalized communication
neglect response
denies or minimizes problems, disagreements, anger, tension, or other matters that could lead to overt conflict "It's not a big deal", doing nothing Destructive & Passive
trust
develops gradually & in degrees depends on willingness to take risks, family scripts, and individual histories
win-lose
doesn't accomplish resolution, may be viable
3 primary styles of love
eros, ludus, storge
gradual waning
falling apart
words
how fam members talk & behave towards each other; comm influences self-esteem & feelings about a relationship
thoughts
how fam think of each other & fam; shapes eotions & words
support
listening to problems, letting person know they're not alone, being available
3 orientations to conflict
lose-lose, win-lose, win-win
individuality
specific needs/goals/qualities/etc. that affect what we look for in a relationship history & attachment styles
loyalty response
staying committed to a relationship despite differences when tolerating isn't too costly Constructive & Passive
social penetration theory
we have to move beyond the surface of another to develop I-Thou relationship
middle
The ________ stages of constructive conflict is marked by what Gottman calls agenda building.
dialogue
For individuals socialized in feminine speech communities, closeness in interpersonal relationships is primarily achieved through:
false
Friends should not be expected to accept our flaws.
role-limited interaction.
Friendships generally begin with:
false
When friendships deteriorate or suffer serious violations, communication changes in unpredictable ways.
stage 2: enlarging family
children joys & problems
stage 5: launching children
children leave to live own adult lives; adjusting return as couple or smaller family
boomerang children
come back for $ reasons
storge
comfortable; based on friendship & compatibility; develops gradually; peaceful & stable
4 types of family communication patterns
consensual, pluralistic, protective, laissez-faire shape what happens in fams & how close members are
agape
constancy of storge + intense passion of eros; generous, selfless w/o expecting reciprocity
willingness to take risks
contextual; depends on who, how well you know them; trust = leap into unknown; trust begins where knowledge ends
2 key dimensions of communication that define family's comm style
conversation orientation & conformity orientation
intensifying communication
euphoria; more time spent together
win-win
everyone is satisfied
lose-lose
everyone loses; tend to avoid conflict if common outcome; may be viable
responses to conflict
exit, neglect, loyalty, voice
conformity orientation
extent to which fam members are expected to adhere to fam hierarchy & conform in beliefs
intimacy
feelings of closeness, connection, & tenderness
explorational communication
focuses on learning about each other; fish for common interests; reduces uncertainty, stabilizes as casual hookup or hang-out relationship ex. "Do you like jazz?"
commitment
intention to remain involved; a decision, not a feeling
pressures on friendship
internal tensions- within us, what we can control relational dialects- autonomy, connection, privacy, novelty) diverse communication styles- social diversity, interpretations create misunderstandings sexual attraction- friends with benefits external pressures- outside our control competing demands- diff availability via life changes personal changes- ex. marriage, children, pet(s) geographical distance- moving to new locations
cohabitation
no desire, lack of commitment, or reject marriage; "trial marriage"; often permanent
interpersonal conflict
occurs bt people in I-You/Thou relationship when they have different views/interests/goals & need to resolve them
stage 3: developing family
parent-child relationships = critical influence on children's identities; fathers spend less time than mothers
3 dimensions of romantic relationships
passion, commitment, intimacy these interlap
exit response
physically walking out or psychologically withdrawing Active & Destructive
ludus
playful; love = game; scheming, challenges, puzzles; playing & enjoying falling in love
eros
powerful, passionate; blazes to life suddenly & dramatically multiple forms of attraction
3 secondary styles of love
pragma, mania, agape
individual histories
who you are, your experience, capacity to trust
3 key elements that influence satisfaction w/ long-term relationships
words, thoughts, emotions
stage 1: establishing family
works out expectations; interaction patterns; daily routines; labels
false
Conflict is inherently negative.
false
Well over 50% of people over the age of 24 are married.
2 dimensions of trust
1- confidence that others will be dependable 2- assumes emotional responsibility
family life cycle
1- establish fam 2- enlarge fam 3- develop fam 4- encourage influence 5- launch children 6- post launch 7- retirement
true
A small self-disclosure is one way to indicate that you'd like to become friends with an acquaintance.
true
Couple satisfaction seems especially affected by equity in housework and childcare.
counterproposals
Desi and Consuela are arguing about how to spend the tax refund they received. He says they should get the car fixed; she says they should first go on a vacation; he then suggests they fix the car and use any money left to vacation; she suggests they sell the car and be rid of the problem. Desi and Consuela are engaging in which pattern of unproductive conflict?
traditionals
Don and Makiko Smith have been married for five years. They are a highly interdependent couple, are very emotionally expressive with each other, and have conventional views of marriage and family life. The Smiths would be best categorized as which of Fitzpatrick's marital types?
true
In a game called "blemish", one person pretends to complimentary but actually puts the other person down.
later
In which stage do partners typically engage in contracting?
passion
Intensely positive feelings and desires for another person
true
Intimacy is abiding affection and warm feelings for another person.
true
Marriage is occurring later in life now than it used to.
stabilized friendship
Ngoc and Nikole have been friends for many years and share a high level of trust. Their friendship is best described as being in the ________ stage.
eros
People with this love style are likely to self-disclose early in a relationship, be very sentimental, and fall in love fast:
false
Place-making is a destructive force in romantic relationships.
true
Pragma love types are more likely to use online matching services to specify their criteria for a desirable mate.
true
Social media allows parents to track and monitor their children in new ways.
false
Supporting a friend primarily involves saying nice things in order to make him or her feel better rather than giving honest opinions.
neglect
The ________ response to interpersonal conflict is both destructive and passive.
less quality and quantity of communication.
The clearest indication that a friendship is in the waning stage is:
perspective
The cycle of abuse contains all of the following EXCEPT:
true
The hypothesis that the United States is classless has been disproved by the fact that most people seek romantic partners of their own social class or above it.
true
The majority of Mediterranean cultures regard lively conflict as normal, valuable part of everyday life.
stage 4: encouraging independence
adolescence -> seek autonomy; tension b/t parents & children; children less dependent
consensual failies
high convo orientation & high conform orientation substantial depth & breadth; parents encourage children to express ideas & feelings
pluralistic families
high convo orientation, low conformity orientation open; thoughts & feelings encourages; agreement not required
traditional
highly interdependent & emotionally expressive; conventional views of marriage & family life; engage in regular contact
family scripts
how family impacted how you see yourself; was trust taught via this
conversation orientation
how open/closed comm is
separates
least prominent; according to study; highly autonomous; gives space; shares less emotionally; try to avoid conflict
high conformity orientation
little overt conflict & lines of authority are respected
protective families
low convo orientation & high conformity orientation; conflict avoided; children expected to adhere to parents' values, beliefs, & decisions
friends of the heart
make & keep in spite of time & distance
revising communication
relationship looked at more realistically; problems organized
hooking up
sex without expecting to meet again
invitational communication
signal that they're interested in interacting; relationship > content ex. "Where are you from?" "Hi I'm ______", dating/chat sites,
low conversation orientation
superficial topics discussed; no disclosure of feelings/thoughts
retirement
time to do as you please or be bored; lack identity; family may grow; medical difficulties
3 types of relationships
traditional, independent, separate
8 conflict management skills
1- attend relationship lvl of meaning, feelings, are you communicating respect, attentiveness & liking? 2- communicate supportive, descriptive, provisional, spontaneous, etc. 3- be mindful even if you disagree; show respect via paying attention 4- own feelings, thoughts, issues, via "I language" 5- check perceptions via paraphrasing 6- look for points of agreement 7- look for ways to preserve others' face; no one should feel stupid, defended, or embarrassed 8- imagine how you will feel in the future
expectations of western friendships
1- willingness to invest (time, feeling, gifts) 2- emotional closeness (via investments, comfort, bonding, etc) 3- accept positive/negative aspects of ourselves that we shouldn't have to hide from each other
substitute family
According to Braithwaite et al., which type of voluntary kin replaces biological and legal family?
regardless of whether or not they have children.
After the first few married years, most couples experience a dip in marital satisfaction:
true
Conflict is more than just having differences.
true
When people become friends, the touchstone of that stage is the assumption of continuity.
passion
Which dimension of love involves the intensely positive feelings and fervent desire for the other person?
ludus
Which kind of love sees love as a game?
Conflict is inevitable in most interpersonal relationships.
Which one of the following statements is true about conflict in relationships?
false
While men and women differ in many aspects of friendship, they tend to support their friends in the same basic ways.
3 stages of friendship deterioration
abrupt ending, gradual waning, serious violation of friendship rules
voice response
addresses conflict directly and attempts to resolve it Constructive & Active
abrupt ending
occurs via lack/decrease in investment; being pulled by forces (family, work)
high conversation orientation
openly expresses thoughts/feelings about range of topics, including personal or private
pragma
pragmatic/practical; blends planning of ludus + stable security of storge clear criteria, dismissed as unfeeling/unloving
stage 6: post launch
redefine marriage; lower satisfaction? more time spent together; maybe renewed love
friends of the road
make along the way in life; we let them go as we move in life
2 categories of why we commit
1- it is comfortable & pleasant; we value companionship, emotional support, financial assistance, practical benefits 2- avoid negative consequences that would accompany ending it; violate religious values, family disapproval, financial hardship
5 issues of identifying love style
1- most of us have combo of styles 2- not necessarily permanent; we learn how to love 3- style = part of overall interpersonal system, affected by all other aspects of relationship 4- not good or bad; it matters what fits together 5- perceived appropriateness
principles of conflict
1- natural in most western relationships 2- may be expressed overtly or covertly 3- social groups shape meaning of conflict behaviors (ex. cultural differences, social communities, feminine vs masculine) 4- can be managed well or poorly 5- can be good for relationships if managed well
interdependent
22% of couples; less conventional views; less interdependent & more emotionally expressive; engage in conflict more often; high autonomy; fewer common interests & activities; emphasizes individual fulfillment & personal happiness
false
All families follow the same seven stages of development.
Focus on the small issues and let the big ones go.
All of these statements give good advice for communicating in families EXCEPT:
true
Unrealistic expectations about spending time together is one of the greatest problems that people in long-distance romantic relationships face.
environmental spoiling
forced to be around others who differ from us
6 growth stages of relationships
individuality, invitational communication, explorational communication, intensifying communication, revising communication, committment
laissez-faire families
low convo orientation, low conformity orientation; limited connection b/t members; children independent; may not feel close bonds
development of friendship
meeting- rely on standards/social rules & roles; discover similarities; invitation to move beyond social rules fledgling friendship- moving beyond rules; private rules for interacting develop stabilized friendship- determine friendship will continue; requires support & availability
mixed marriages
mix between more than one relationship types ex. most common: seperate-traditional
low conformity orientation
more disagreement & conflict, & children are more/less likely to adhere to all of parents' beliefs & values
pileup
negative events occur in short period of time & strain family's ability to cope
