final exam 9 to 12?

mania

madness; passion of eros + play by ludus rules; unsure of others' love & will devise test & games to evaluate committment

true

Conflict can be beneficial for individuals and relationships.​

true

In African American families headed by single women, daughters frequently exhibit greater self-reliance and self-esteem than their Caucasian counterparts.​

​eros, storge, and ludos.

The three primary styles of love are:​

emotions

affected by words & thoughts; how we feel is affected by what we say to others & what we communicate to ourselves via self-talk

committed romantic relationships

b/t individuals who assume that they will be primary & continuing parts of each others' lives

serious violation of friendship rules

betrayal of trust

commitment

deciding to stay; maintenance, behaviors; cooperation, patience, polite; dual perspective; relationship = exclusive; idealizing/personalized communication

neglect response

denies or minimizes problems, disagreements, anger, tension, or other matters that could lead to overt conflict "It's not a big deal", doing nothing Destructive & Passive

trust

develops gradually & in degrees depends on willingness to take risks, family scripts, and individual histories

win-lose

doesn't accomplish resolution, may be viable

3 primary styles of love

eros, ludus, storge

gradual waning

falling apart

words

how fam members talk & behave towards each other; comm influences self-esteem & feelings about a relationship

thoughts

how fam think of each other & fam; shapes eotions & words

support

listening to problems, letting person know they're not alone, being available

3 orientations to conflict

lose-lose, win-lose, win-win

individuality

specific needs/goals/qualities/etc. that affect what we look for in a relationship history & attachment styles

loyalty response

staying committed to a relationship despite differences when tolerating isn't too costly Constructive & Passive

social penetration theory

we have to move beyond the surface of another to develop I-Thou relationship

middle

​The ________ stages of constructive conflict is marked by what Gottman calls agenda building.

dialogue

For individuals socialized in feminine speech communities, closeness in interpersonal relationships is primarily achieved through:

false

Friends should not be expected to accept our flaws.​

​role-limited interaction.

Friendships generally begin with:​

false

When friendships deteriorate or suffer serious violations, communication changes in unpredictable ways.​

stage 2: enlarging family

children joys & problems

stage 5: launching children

children leave to live own adult lives; adjusting return as couple or smaller family

boomerang children

come back for $ reasons

storge

comfortable; based on friendship & compatibility; develops gradually; peaceful & stable

4 types of family communication patterns

consensual, pluralistic, protective, laissez-faire shape what happens in fams & how close members are

agape

constancy of storge + intense passion of eros; generous, selfless w/o expecting reciprocity

willingness to take risks

contextual; depends on who, how well you know them; trust = leap into unknown; trust begins where knowledge ends

2 key dimensions of communication that define family's comm style

conversation orientation & conformity orientation

intensifying communication

euphoria; more time spent together

win-win

everyone is satisfied

lose-lose

everyone loses; tend to avoid conflict if common outcome; may be viable

responses to conflict

exit, neglect, loyalty, voice

conformity orientation

extent to which fam members are expected to adhere to fam hierarchy & conform in beliefs

intimacy

feelings of closeness, connection, & tenderness

explorational communication

focuses on learning about each other; fish for common interests; reduces uncertainty, stabilizes as casual hookup or hang-out relationship ex. "Do you like jazz?"

commitment

intention to remain involved; a decision, not a feeling

pressures on friendship

internal tensions- within us, what we can control relational dialects- autonomy, connection, privacy, novelty) diverse communication styles- social diversity, interpretations create misunderstandings sexual attraction- friends with benefits external pressures- outside our control competing demands- diff availability via life changes personal changes- ex. marriage, children, pet(s) geographical distance- moving to new locations

cohabitation

no desire, lack of commitment, or reject marriage; "trial marriage"; often permanent

interpersonal conflict

occurs bt people in I-You/Thou relationship when they have different views/interests/goals & need to resolve them

stage 3: developing family

parent-child relationships = critical influence on children's identities; fathers spend less time than mothers

3 dimensions of romantic relationships

passion, commitment, intimacy these interlap

exit response

physically walking out or psychologically withdrawing Active & Destructive

ludus

playful; love = game; scheming, challenges, puzzles; playing & enjoying falling in love

eros

powerful, passionate; blazes to life suddenly & dramatically multiple forms of attraction

3 secondary styles of love

pragma, mania, agape

individual histories

who you are, your experience, capacity to trust

3 key elements that influence satisfaction w/ long-term relationships

words, thoughts, emotions

stage 1: establishing family

works out expectations; interaction patterns; daily routines; labels

false

​Conflict is inherently negative.

false

​Well over 50% of people over the age of 24 are married.

2 dimensions of trust

1- confidence that others will be dependable 2- assumes emotional responsibility

family life cycle

1- establish fam 2- enlarge fam 3- develop fam 4- encourage influence 5- launch children 6- post launch 7- retirement

true

A small self-disclosure is one way to indicate that you'd like to become friends with an acquaintance.​

true

Couple satisfaction seems especially affected by equity in housework and childcare.​

​counterproposals

Desi and Consuela are arguing about how to spend the tax refund they received. He says they should get the car fixed; she says they should first go on a vacation; he then suggests they fix the car and use any money left to vacation; she suggests they sell the car and be rid of the problem. Desi and Consuela are engaging in which pattern of unproductive conflict?

traditionals

Don and Makiko Smith have been married for five years. They are a highly interdependent couple, are very emotionally expressive with each other, and have conventional views of marriage and family life. The Smiths would be best categorized as which of Fitzpatrick's marital types?​

true

In a game called "blemish", one person pretends to complimentary but actually puts the other person down.​

later

In which stage do partners typically engage in contracting?​

passion

Intensely positive feelings and desires for another person

true

Intimacy is abiding affection and warm feelings for another person.​

true

Marriage is occurring later in life now than it used to.​

​stabilized friendship

Ngoc and Nikole have been friends for many years and share a high level of trust. Their friendship is best described as being in the ________ stage.​

eros

People with this love style are likely to self-disclose early in a relationship, be very sentimental, and fall in love fast:

false

Place-making is a destructive force in romantic relationships.​

true

Pragma love types are more likely to use online matching services to specify their criteria for a desirable mate.​

true

Social media allows parents to track and monitor their children in new ways.​

false

Supporting a friend primarily involves saying nice things in order to make him or her feel better rather than giving honest opinions.​

neglect

The ________ response to interpersonal conflict is both destructive and passive.​

​less quality and quantity of communication.

The clearest indication that a friendship is in the waning stage is:​

perspective

The cycle of abuse contains all of the following EXCEPT:​

true

The hypothesis that the United States is classless has been disproved by the fact that most people seek romantic partners of their own social class or above it.​

true

The majority of Mediterranean cultures regard lively conflict as normal, valuable part of everyday life.​

stage 4: encouraging independence

adolescence -> seek autonomy; tension b/t parents & children; children less dependent

consensual failies

high convo orientation & high conform orientation substantial depth & breadth; parents encourage children to express ideas & feelings

pluralistic families

high convo orientation, low conformity orientation open; thoughts & feelings encourages; agreement not required

traditional

highly interdependent & emotionally expressive; conventional views of marriage & family life; engage in regular contact

family scripts

how family impacted how you see yourself; was trust taught via this

conversation orientation

how open/closed comm is

separates

least prominent; according to study; highly autonomous; gives space; shares less emotionally; try to avoid conflict

high conformity orientation

little overt conflict & lines of authority are respected

protective families

low convo orientation & high conformity orientation; conflict avoided; children expected to adhere to parents' values, beliefs, & decisions

friends of the heart

make & keep in spite of time & distance

revising communication

relationship looked at more realistically; problems organized

hooking up

sex without expecting to meet again

invitational communication

signal that they're interested in interacting; relationship > content ex. "Where are you from?" "Hi I'm ______", dating/chat sites,

low conversation orientation

superficial topics discussed; no disclosure of feelings/thoughts

retirement

time to do as you please or be bored; lack identity; family may grow; medical difficulties

3 types of relationships

traditional, independent, separate

8 conflict management skills

1- attend relationship lvl of meaning, feelings, are you communicating respect, attentiveness & liking? 2- communicate supportive, descriptive, provisional, spontaneous, etc. 3- be mindful even if you disagree; show respect via paying attention 4- own feelings, thoughts, issues, via "I language" 5- check perceptions via paraphrasing 6- look for points of agreement 7- look for ways to preserve others' face; no one should feel stupid, defended, or embarrassed 8- imagine how you will feel in the future

expectations of western friendships

1- willingness to invest (time, feeling, gifts) 2- emotional closeness (via investments, comfort, bonding, etc) 3- accept positive/negative aspects of ourselves that we shouldn't have to hide from each other

substitute family

According to Braithwaite et al., which type of voluntary kin replaces biological and legal family?

​regardless of whether or not they have children.

After the first few married years, most couples experience a dip in marital satisfaction:​

true

Conflict is more than just having differences.​

true

When people become friends, the touchstone of that stage is the assumption of continuity.​

passion

Which dimension of love involves the intensely positive feelings and fervent desire for the other person?​

ludus

Which kind of love sees love as a game?​

Conflict is inevitable in most interpersonal relationships.​

Which one of the following statements is true about conflict in relationships?​

false

While men and women differ in many aspects of friendship, they tend to support their friends in the same basic ways.​

3 stages of friendship deterioration

abrupt ending, gradual waning, serious violation of friendship rules

voice response

addresses conflict directly and attempts to resolve it Constructive & Active

abrupt ending

occurs via lack/decrease in investment; being pulled by forces (family, work)

high conversation orientation

openly expresses thoughts/feelings about range of topics, including personal or private

pragma

pragmatic/practical; blends planning of ludus + stable security of storge clear criteria, dismissed as unfeeling/unloving

stage 6: post launch

redefine marriage; lower satisfaction? more time spent together; maybe renewed love

friends of the road

make along the way in life; we let them go as we move in life

2 categories of why we commit

1- it is comfortable & pleasant; we value companionship, emotional support, financial assistance, practical benefits 2- avoid negative consequences that would accompany ending it; violate religious values, family disapproval, financial hardship

5 issues of identifying love style

1- most of us have combo of styles 2- not necessarily permanent; we learn how to love 3- style = part of overall interpersonal system, affected by all other aspects of relationship 4- not good or bad; it matters what fits together 5- perceived appropriateness

principles of conflict

1- natural in most western relationships 2- may be expressed overtly or covertly 3- social groups shape meaning of conflict behaviors (ex. cultural differences, social communities, feminine vs masculine) 4- can be managed well or poorly 5- can be good for relationships if managed well

interdependent

22% of couples; less conventional views; less interdependent & more emotionally expressive; engage in conflict more often; high autonomy; fewer common interests & activities; emphasizes individual fulfillment & personal happiness

false

All families follow the same seven stages of development.​

​Focus on the small issues and let the big ones go.

All of these statements give good advice for communicating in families EXCEPT:

true

Unrealistic expectations about spending time together is one of the greatest problems that people in long-distance romantic relationships face.​

environmental spoiling

forced to be around others who differ from us

6 growth stages of relationships

individuality, invitational communication, explorational communication, intensifying communication, revising communication, committment

laissez-faire families

low convo orientation, low conformity orientation; limited connection b/t members; children independent; may not feel close bonds

development of friendship

meeting- rely on standards/social rules & roles; discover similarities; invitation to move beyond social rules fledgling friendship- moving beyond rules; private rules for interacting develop stabilized friendship- determine friendship will continue; requires support & availability

mixed marriages

mix between more than one relationship types ex. most common: seperate-traditional

low conformity orientation

more disagreement & conflict, & children are more/less likely to adhere to all of parents' beliefs & values

pileup

negative events occur in short period of time & strain family's ability to cope