Interpersonal Communication test 2

Types of Feedback

(1) positive-negative (you pay a compliment or criticize someone); (2) person focused-message focused ("You're sweet," "You have a great smile" or "Can you repeat that number?" "Your argument is a good one"); (3) immediate-delayed; (4) low monitored-high monitored (that is, spontaneous and open or guarded and strategic); (5) and supportive-critical.

Facial management techniques

(1) to intensify - Ex: to exaggerate your surprise when friends throw you a party... to make your friends feel better (2) to deintensify - Ex: to cover up your own joy in the presence of a friend... who didn't receive such good news (3) to neutralize - Ex: to cover up your sadness... to keep from depressing others (4) to mask - Ex: to express happiness... to cover up your disappointment at not receiving the gift you expected (5) to simulate - Ex: to express an emotion... that you don't feel

Civil Inattention (p121)

-the eyes, sociologist Erving Goffman observed in Interaction Ritual (1967), are "great intruders." when you avoid eye contact or avert your glance, you allow others to maintain their privacy. You probably do this when you see a couple arguing in the street or on a bus. You turn your eyes away, as if to say, " I don't mean to intrude; I respect you privacy." Hoffman refers to this behavior as civil inattention.

Adaptors Page 115

Adaptors are a subconscious body gesture that we use to satisfy some need. There are three different sorts of adaptors that are categorized based on their focus, direction, or target. 1. Self-Adaptors: an unconscious body gesture we do to satisfy a bodily need. Includes scratching your head, licking your lips, or sneezing, for instance. 2. Alter-Adaptors: body movements you make when dealing with other human interactions. Examples include crossing your arms over and turning your body slightly away when someone who makes you uncomfortable approaches you. 3. Object-Adaptors: movements that occur directly to another object. Examples include when you are fidgeting and start piercing pieces of paper with your pencil, scratching a sticker off of a surface, or clicking a ballpoint pen.

Static Evaluation Page 106

An orientation that fails to recognize that the world is constantly changing; an attitude that sees people and events as fixed rather than as ever changing. -Thinking of someone in the same way despite changing actions or situations

Assertiveness (Pages 92-93):

Assertive people operate with an "I win, you win" philosophy; they assume that both parties can gain something from an interpersonal interaction, even from a confrontation. Assertive people are more positive and score lower on measures of hopelessness than do nonassertive people. Keep in mind that assertiveness is not always the most desirable response. Assertive people are assertive when they want to be, but they can be nonassertive if the situation calls for it. For example, you might wish to be nonassertive in a situation in which assertiveness might emotionally hurt the other person. Steps to communicate assertively: 1) Describe the problem 2) State how the problem affects you 3) Propose solutions that are workable 4) Confirm understanding

Cowboy Syndrome Page 180

Characterizes the closed and unexpressive male.He never shows any of the softer emotions. He would never cry, experience fear, or feel sorry for himself.

Confirmation / Disconfirmation (Chp. 4, p. 94)

Confirm: communication pattern where you not only acknowledge the presence of the other person, but also indicate your acceptance of the person, of their definition of self, and of your relationship as defined or viewed by them Ex: In a discussion with friends, one gives input and you voice your agreement with it. Disconfirmation: communication pattern where you ignore a person's presence and that person's communications - in other words, you are saying that the person and what they have to say are not worth serious attention, or attention at all Ex: In a professor's class, they ignore a student's input in the discussion, and wave it off as not useful, and/or not significant Apology (Chp. 8, p. 215): expressions of regret or sorrow for having said or done something you most likely shouldn't have done; a way to alleviate a situation in which you did wrong Ex: You accidentally spill something on your friend's carpet. So you apologize to show regret and remorse for the situation, which also translates to them that it wasn't intentional.

The Principle of Politeness (p197-198)

Conversation is expected (at least in many cases) to follow the principle of politeness. Six maxims of politeness have been identified by linguist Geoffrey Leech (1983) and seem to encompass a great deal of what we commonly think of as conversational politeness. The maxim of tact -helps to maintain the other's negative face. Tact in your conversation would mean that you do not impose on others or challenge their right to do as they wish. The maxim of generosity -helps to confirm the other person's importance, the importance of the person's time, insight, or talent, for example. The maxim of approbation -refers to praising someone or complimenting the person in some way and minimizing any expression of criticism or disapproval. The maxi of modesty -minimizes any praise or compliments you might receive. At the same time, you might praise and compliment the other person. The maxim of agreement -refers to your seeking out areas of agreement and expressing them and at the same time avoiding and not expressing disagreements. The maxim of sympathy -refers to the expression of understanding sympathy, empathy, supportiveness, and the like, for the other person.

Emotional Display Rules (Chapter 7) pg175-176

Display rules govern what is and what is not permissible emotional communication. Even within U.S. culture, there are differences. For example, in one study, Americans classified themselves into four categories: Caucasian, African American , Asian and Hispanic/Latino. Different cultures teach different rules for the display of emotions, here are a few examples: (1) Caucasians found the expression of contempt more appropriate than did Asians; (2) African Americans and Hispanics felt that showing disgust was less appropriate than did Caucasians; (3) Hispanics rated public displays of emotion as less appropriate than did Caucasians; and (4) Caucasians rated the expression of fear as more appropriate than did Hispanics. Woman talk more about feelings and emotions and use communication for emotional expression more than men do. Woman are also more likely to express socially acceptable emotions than men. In an extensive survey of emotions in the workplace, women were found to cry more than men Women feel worse after crying then men

Dyssemia

Dyssemia is a condition where someone isn't able to read and interpret nonverbal messages, or effectively communicate nonverbal messages -characterized often by inappropriate emotional communication

Emotional Blackmail

Emotional Blackmail - Although you may at first think of emotional expression as honest reflections of what a person is feeling, emotions can be and often are used strategically. One frequent emotional strategy is emotional blackmail where there is a clear threat if the other person doesn't comply: "If you don't do as i say, you'll never see the kids again. If you see that person again, I'll kill myself." Sometimes the threat is never really stated but somehow you know that if your romantic breakup is not friendly, your social media contacts will all hear about it. This strategy often creates resentment and perhaps a desire to retaliate - neither of which is good for a relationship. (page 177).

Gender and Emotional Display

Emotional display refers to expressing emotions and interpreting the emotions of others in light of the cultural rules dictating what is and what isn't "appropriate". One such factor is that of gender. Men and women seem to have different display rules for what is/isn't appropriate.

Emotional contagion (p. 178-179)

Emotions pass from one person to another Interacting with happy people is likely to increase your own happiness, and interacting with depressed people is likely to increase your own level of depression Process You see the emotions of others You mimic the emotions you see Your mimicking leads you to feel the emotions

Feedforward-Page 193

Feedforward is a is a preview of the top you want to discuss that gives the other person a general idea of what to expect. Example: "Did you watch the Cubs game last night?"

Handling the Grief-stricken (chpt 7, p. 193-4)

Handling grief-sticken people properly is a difficult but common and necessary skill. Everyone handles emotions due to loss differently and there are several steps you can take to properly console a person. It is not helpful or appropriate to use phrases like "I know how you feel" or to pressure people into situations which are uncomfortable. To avoid that, you must: 1. confirm the other person and the person's emotions. 2. Give the person permission to grieve 3. Avoid trying to focus on the bright side 4. Encourage the person to express feelings and talk about the loss (note: offer, but do not force) 5. Be especially sensitive to leave taking cues. Some people may prefer to be alone. 6. Let the person know you care and are available. Express empathy and the ability for you to feel, to some extent, the emotions they are encoding either vocally or physically. Even following some or all of these steps may not be appreciated. Use experiences to learn and know that grieving is very personal and individual process so always have situational awareness.

Haptics

Haptics: Communication by touch. Touch may communicate at least five major meanings: Emotions: Support, appreciation, attraction, trust, and affection. Playfulness: Touch can lighten an interaction. Control: Touch can be used to ask for compliance when asking someone to do something. Touch can also communicate status and dominance, as the higher status person initiates touch. Ritual: Touch exists as a ritual in every day interactions such as shaking hands to say hello or goodbye. Task-related: Touch is associated with a performance of a function such as checking someone's forehead for a fever. Page 123-125

High-context cultures and messages

In these cultures, much of the information is in the context of the message or in what each person already knows from previous experiences. The meaning of the message is encoded through nonverbal movements, such as facial and eye movements. This communication is often indirect.

Low-context cultures and messages

In these cultures, the information is made explicit and communication is direct. The meaning of the message is encoded in verbal form and the words are more important than the context.

Indiscrimination-Page 104

Indiscrimination is synonymous with stereotyping. Indiscrimination is the tendency to group together classes of individuals, objects or events and fail to see that each is unique. Example: "He's lazy and stupid just like the rest of them!"

Meaning

Meaning depends not only on the packaging of a message (the combined verbal and nonverbal elements) but also on the interaction of these messages and the receiver's own thoughts and feelings. Meanings are created rather than received and can be perceived differently by individuals (a message can be seen as controlling by one person and a simple request by another).

Monochronism/polychronism

Monochronism- those who prefer to complete one task at a time. These people value punctuality and keeping to schedules. They view one event at a time. Monochrotic cultures- US, Germany, Switzerland Polychronism- More flexible about time schedules. They value maintaining social relationships more than accomplishing tasks. They view time in a holistic manner (many things happening at once. Pg 140-141

Resisting pressure to self-disclose (Page 208)

Nevertheless, there are occasions when you do not want to disclose and you're still being pressured, and you need to say something. Here are a few suggestions: • Don't be pushed. Although there may be certain legal or ethical reasons for disclosing, generally, if you don't want to disclose, you don't have to. Don't be pushed into disclosing because others are doing it or because you're asked to. • Be assertive in your refusal to disclose. Say, very directly, "I'd rather not talk about that now" or "Now is not the time for this type of discussion." • Delay a decision. If you don't want to say no directly but still don't want to disclose, delay the decision. Say something like, "That's pretty personal; let me think about that before I make a fool of myself" or "This isn't really a good time (or place) to talk about this; I'll get back to you and we'll talk." • Be indirect and move to another topic. Avoid the question and change the subject. This is a polite way of saying, "I'm not talking about it," and may be the preferred choice in certain situations. Most often people will get the hint and understand your refusal to disclose.

Onymous messages

Onymous messages: "signed" messages - The author of the message is clearly identified - textbooks, news-related editorials, face to face communication, or phone - you can respond directly to the speaker/ writer and voice your opinions - pgs. 87-88

Paralanguage-Chapter 5 Page 126

Paralanguage is the vocal but nonverbal dimension of speech that emphasizes the manner in which one says something over the actual words. The meaning of someone talking is influenced by rate, volume, and pitch of the speaker. Interestingly, paralanguage dominates persuasion, as it is documented that those who talk faster are seen as more persuasive (see infomercials).

Phatic Communication- Chapter 8 page 192

Phatic communication is defined as a message that helps to establish a connection between two people and opens up the channel for more meaningful interaction. This term is part of the opening process to communication and an example is saying "Hi how are you?" However, not all forms of phatic openings are verbal, as a handshake can take the place of a verbalized greeting.

Territoriality- the possessive reaction to an area or to particular objects P.131

Primary territories- (home), areas you may call your own. ex) room or desk Secondary territories- don't belong to you but that you have occupied. Ex) your classroom seat Public territories- areas opened to all people and used by everyone but owned by a person or organization. Ex) restaurant, mall Some people use markers to indicate pseudo- ownership or appropriation of someone else's space or of a public territory for their own use—like graffiti. Central Markers- items you place in a territory to reserve it for you. Ex) coffee cup on a table, sweater over a library chair Boundary Markers- set of boundaries that divide your territory from that of others. Ex) armrests separating chairs, fences, bar placed between your groceries and the persons behind you Ear Markers- term taken from the practice of branding animals on their ears—they are identifying marks that indicate your possession of a territory or object. Ex) trademarks nameplates and monograms

Principles of emotions

Principles of emotions: Pg. 171-179 Emotions occur in stages: A: An event occurs which causes you to experience emotion which causes you to respond physiologically B: An event occurs which causes you to respond physiologically which causes you to experience and emotion C: an event occurs which causes you to respond physiologically, you interpret this stimulation and decide what emotion you are feeling, you then identify this emotion Emotions May be primary or blended: Primary emotions: joy, trust, fear, surprise, sadness, disgust, anger, and anticipation Blended emotions: combinations of primary emotions Emotions involve both body and Mind Body: physical reactions to emotion. Can be visible and invisible. Examples are, blush of embarrassment, palms sweating due to nervousness. People use physical reactions to judge emotions Mind: your emotional experience depends on your evaluation of what you experience. Evaluations of what is happening have influence on your emotions - your emotional response is to your evaluation of the situation more than it is to the actual situation. Emotions are influenced by a variety of Factors Culture: the cultural context you were raised or are living in gives the framework for your interpretation and response to emotions. Gender: Men and women experience emotions similarly - difference are in the way emotions are expressed. Have different gender display rules - what is and is not appropriate to express. Personality: the emotions you feel, to what extent you feel them, and how you express them is dependant on your personality. Extroverted people express emotions more openly while introverted people are less likely to express emotion Relationships: relationships can increase or decrease stress Emotional Expression Uses Multiple Channels: Emotions are encoded verbally and nonverbaly. WOrds and gestures and facial expressions help to communicate them. You decode using the same verbal and nonverbal cues. Text-based messages don't have verbal and nonverbal cues to substitutes are provided. Words to describe the nonverbals that would be present and emoticons. Emotional Expression is Governed by Display Rules Emotional display rules are what dictate what is and what is not acceptable in communication. Varies with each culture, gender, age, or any other defining category. Emotions May be adaptive or Maladaptive Adaptive: emotions can help you adjust to situations Maladaptive: emotions may get in the way of adjusting. Your emotions can lead you to catastrophize a situation which is to make a problem small and turn it into something huge. Emotions can be used strategically Strategic emotionality: control the situation and someone else with the expression of your emotions. Emotional blackmail: an emotional strategy that involves threatening a person using the influence of your emotions Emotions have Consequences Revealing or withholding emotions can result in consequences. Revealing can develop or strain relationships Withholding can establish boundaries or strain relationships Emotions are Contagious Emotional Contagion: emotions are passed from one person to another. People with strong emotions can easily pass their emotions to group Happens through process: 1: percieve emotional expression of someone else 2: Mimic, maybe unconsciously 3: The feedback you get creates a replication of the other person's feelings Can occur online Emotional Appeals: example of emotional contagion. Used by fundraising companies. Appeal to the emotions of guilt to produce donations. Follow emotional display Rules

Types of deceptive messages (pg 89-90)

Pro-social: to benefit the person lied to or lied about; not considered impolite; helps people/in line with social norms Self-enhancement: to make yourself look good (omission, exaggeration) Selfish: to protect yourself (often at the expense of others) Antisocial: to harm others (eg. spreading rumors)

Theories About Space (ch. 5, pg. 133)

Protection Theory You establish a body buffer zone around yourself as protection against unwanted touching or attack. When you feel that you may be attacked, your body buffer zone increases because you want more space around you. When you're feeling protected, your buffer zone becomes smaller. Equilibrium Theory Intimacy and interpersonal distance vary together. The greater your intimacy with a person, the closer the distance to them. The lower the intimacy, the greater the distance from them. Expectancy Violations Theory Assumes you have expectancies for the distance people are to maintain in their conversations. When these expectations are violated, you try to explain to yourself why this violation occurred, bringing into focus the nature of your relationship.

Proxemic Distances

Proxemic Distances: distances we maintain between each other in our interactions. There are four different types: intimate, personal, social, and public distances. Personal distance allows you to stay protected and untouched by others by keeping a distance of 18 inches to about 4 feet. Social distance differs because here you lose the visual detail you had at the personal distance. This can range from 4 to 12 feet. Public distance ranges from 12 to more than 25 feet distance and can happen on a public bus or train. This term can be found on pages 130-131.

Proxemics

Proxemics is the study of the communicative function of space. It studies how people unconsciously structure their space. Space in proxemics specifically refers to the distance between people in their interactions, the organization of space in homes and offices, and the design of cities. Proxemics maintains distances that are comfortable and appropriate to the situation and to the relationship with the other person. There are four proxemic distances: personal distance: your personal bubble, ranges between 18 inches and 4 feet social distance: ranges from 4 to 12 feet public distance: ranges from 12 to more than 25 feet territoriality: the possessive reaction to an area or to particular objects

Spiral of Silence- (pg 128-129)

Spiral of Silence (theory): you're more likely to voice agreement than disagreement -when a controversial issue arises, you estimate opinions of others and figure out which views are popular and which are not -estimate rewards and punishments you would get from expressing popular or unpopular opinion --> use estimates to determine which opinion you will express -more likely to voice opinions when you agree with the majority

Connotative/denotative (p. 83)

The denotation of a word is its objective definition The connotation is its subjective or emotional meaning The denotative meaning of a message is universally understood (i.e. nod of the head) The connotative meaning of a message is extremely personal and expresses your feelings rather than objective information (i.e. winking)

Home field advantage

The increased power that comes from being in your own territory. When you operate in your own primary territory, you have an interpersonal advantage. They 1) initiate conversations 2) fill in silences 3) assume relaxed and comfortable postures 4) maintain their positions with greater conviction. Because the territorial owner is dominant, you stand a better chance of getting your raise, having your point accepted, or getting a contract resolved in your favor if you're in your own territory rather than in someone else's. (Pg. 131)

Extensional Orientation

The tendency to look first the actual people, objects, and events and then at the labels — a tendency to be guided by what you see happening rather than by the way something or someone is talked about or labeled Respond to behaviors first, look for labels second

Intensional Orientation

The tendency to view people, objects, and events in terms of how they're talked about or labeled rather than in terms of how they actually exist. occurs when on acts as if the words and labels are more imprint than the things they represent When one sees an individual through their schemata instead of on the basis of their specific behaviors Example: If someone acts as if the map is more important than the territory

Ventilation Hypothesis

The ventilation hypothesis posits that expressing emotions allow you to ventilate your negative feelings and this action has a positive effect on your physical health, your mental well-being, and even your interpersonal relationships. In essence, if we fail to express our anger, our bottled-up emotions will eventually reach a breaking point and explode. The ventilation hypotheses suggests that a controlled release of emotions is the best approach. (pg. 208 - note that I am using the international edition of the book and this page number may differ from your own.)

Pupil Dilation

There are many studies that show that humans are more attracted to people with dilated pupils. In addition, one's pupils dilate when he or she sees someone attractive. This occurs because pupil size indicated a person's level of interest and emotional arousal. (Page 121-122)

Small talk

This is noncontroversial talk that serves as a polite way of introducing yourself or your topic. This type of talk is very short in duration, and is often used as a politeness strategy. An example of small talk would be sitting next to someone on the plane and discussing the weather and/or the destination. For small talk, it is important to stress similarities, be sensitive to leave-taking cues, be polite, and answer questions with elaboration.

6 most important facts that influence whether or not you disclose

Who you are: Extroverts self-disclose more than introverts. Those with high self-esteem self-disclose more than those with lower self-esteem. Your culture: Different cultures view self-disclosure differently People in the US self-disclose more than people from other nations such as Germany and Great Britain. In Japan, it's considered undesirable for colleagues to reveal personal information Your gender: Women generally disclose more than men BUT men disclose more in initial encounters. Your listeners: You only disclose to people you like, trust, and love because you disclose on the basis of the support you receive. You are more likely to disclose to people closer to your age Dyadic effect — you are more likely to disclose when the other person discloses to you Your topic: One is more likely to disclose about some tips than others more likely to disclose information about your job and or hobbies than about your sex life or financial situation More likely to disclose favorable information than unfavorable information Your media: The channel through which you communicate also influences your disclosures Some people disclose more in face-to-face situations, while others may disclose more though text Many people disclose too much information through social media. Social media has created a culture where sharing is not only normal but expected.

Artifactual Communication

page 132-135 Artifactual communication is when messages consist of "objects that are made by human hands." There are a few types of artifactual communication the book specifies: Space Decoration refers to the look of a room or space. Architecture, interior design and personal decorations all might play a role. Color Communication refers to the connotations surrounding certain color choices and how individuals choose to express them. Clothing and Body Adornment can be considered a cultural display to represent certain messages.

Positive/negative face

positive face—the desire to be viewed positively by others, to be thought of favorably negative face—the desire to be autonomous, to have the right to do as we wish

Maxims of Cooperation-P.196-197

principles that speakers and listeners in the US and in many cultures follow in conversation—can be easily recognized from your own experiences The Maxim of Quantity- give as much information needed in order to understand the full meaning. When people violate this maxim you often think, "get to the point; so what happened?" Frequently violated in emails Ex) chain emails- send people information they don't really want or need, large attachments that take time to download The Maxim of Quality- say what you know or assume to be true, and do not say what you know to be false. People who violate are normally lying, exaggerating, or minimizing major problems, which causes people to wonder if what the individual is saying is true or fabricated The Maxim of Relation- talk about what is relative to the conversation. If you are talking about Pat and Chris and then say, "money causes all sorts of relationship problems," it is assumed that your comment is somehow related to Pat and Chris. This principle is frequently violated by speakers who frequently say irrelevant comments, which cause you to wonder how these comments are related to the discussion The Maxim of Manner- be clear, avoid ambiguities, be relatively brief, and organize you thought into a meaningful sequence. Use terms that the listener understands and clarify what they might not. Modify your language when speaking to certain people, for example children

Catastrophizing

taking a problem even a minor one, and making it a catastrophe

Types of Excuses (ch. 8, pg. 214)

"I didn't do it." Using this excuse, you deny that you have done what you're being accused of. You may then bring up an alibi to prove you couldn't have done it, or accuse another person of doing it. "It wasn't so bad." Using this excuse, you admit to doing it but claim the offense was not so bad or offer a justification of the behavior. "Yes, but..." Using this excuse, you claim that extenuating circumstances accounted for the behavior, for example, that you weren't in control of yourself at the time or that you didn't intend to do what you did.