Lecture 9- Attraction and Close Relationships

Spouses who get on are...

-Domestic partners -Lovers -Companions and friends -Members of one another's social networks (Huston, 2009)

The importance of other people- Main points

-Social bonding is fundamental to human existence (evolutionary advantage) -Babies are naturally oriented toward humans more than non-social objects (Walton et al., 1992) -People form social bonds easily without any special circumstances -Social bonds form even under aversive conditions

Summary

-We all have a fundamental, evolutionary need to belong and attach to others and suffer if deprived of belonging -Theories describe different forms of love, which may differ between relationships and over time -Relationships endure when social exchange is profitable, equitable, and partners are committed -Interpersonal attraction is guided by a combination of ideals, proximity, and situational factors, which allow discovery of similarity

Why does proximity influence attraction?

1. Availability (low cost of interaction) 2. Anticipation of future interaction 3... LOOK AT RECORDING

Cognitive strategies to maintain a relationship

1. Enhance your partner's virtues and downplay their faults (Murray & Holmes, 1999) 2. Change your expectations to fit more closely with what your partner has to offer (Fletcher, Simpson & Thomas, 2000) 3. Adjust your perceptions so that your partner resembles your ideal (Murray, Holmes and Griffin, 1996)

Who are we attracted to? Theories of attraction

1. Ideal characteristics (warmth-trustworthiness, vitality-attractiveness, status-resources) 2. Proximity 3. Familiarity 4. Similarity: birds of a feather flock together 5. Complementarity: opposites attract

Phases in the break-up of a relationship

1. Intrapsychic phase 2. Dyadic (two-person) phase 3. Social phase 4. Grave-dressing phase

Factor's that contribute to an ongoing relationship (Adams & Jones, 1997)

1. Personal dedication - a positive attraction to a particular partner and relationship 2. Moral commitment - a sense of obligation, social responsibility or religious duty, controlled by the person's values and moral principles 3. Constrain commitment - factors that make it costly to leave a relationship, e.g. lack of attractive alternatives; various social, financial, legal investments in the relationship (Adams & Jones, 1997)

Healthy relationships include... (Arriaga & Agnew, 2001)

1. Psychological attachment 2. A long-term orientation 3. An intention to persist (Arriaga & Agnew, 2001)

Does love endure? Relationship maintenance- Adaption

A relationship survives when partners adapt -Adjust perception of "ideal" (Campbell et al., 2001) -Partner-regulation: strategies to bring a partner closer to one's standards (Overall et al., 2006) =>Aided by commitment

Q: Which of the following 3 best describes your feelings? Hazen and Shaver, 1987

A- Secure B- Avoidant C- Anxious

A fundamental need to belong (Deprivation of belongingness and social exclusion)

Deprivation of belongingness has adverse consequences Social exclusion may be connected to the experience of physical pain (e.g., Eisenberger, Lieberman & Williams, 2003) People will go a long way to gain or restore feelings of belonging => Solitary confinement => Initiation ceremonies

Complementarity hypothesis

Do opposites attract? -Carson (1969): Complementary levels of dominance/submission attract -Dominance/submission dissimilarity linked to attraction and relationship quality (Markey & Markey, 2007) -No evidence for opposite attitudes or values

What about the situation? Emotional Arousal- Dutton & Aron (1974) The Bridge study

Dutton & Aron (1974) surveyed men after they had crossed a shaky bridge or a stable bridge

Theories of attraction- Equity model(s)

Equity model(s): -Defines relationship as equitable when the ratio of inputs to outcomes is seen to be the same by both partners

Proximity- Research (Festinger et al., 1950)

Festinger et al. (1950): Students were randomly assigned to apartments Who became friends? Neighbours and those on the same floor But stairwells increased friendship with upstairs neighbours (Functional distance: how often paths cross)

Facial symmetry and attractiveness

Fluctuating asymmetry- primarily caused by mutations, pathogens and toxins MZ twins rated as having more symmetrical faces are rated as more attractive than their co-twin Experimentally manipulated symmetrical faces rated as more attractive than unaltered faces

Facial Attractiveness

Human attractiveness evolved because of mate preference for healthy, fertile mates Facial attractiveness ratings: -High agreement in facial attractiveness ratings -Consistent across sexes, sexual orientations, ethnic groups, ages...(correlations 0.3-0.5) Average face

The belongingness hypothesis

Humans are motivated by a fundamental need to belong (Baumeister & Leary, 1995). We need: 1. Frequent, affectively pleasant or positive interactions with the same individuals... 2. That occur in a framework of long-term, stable caring and concern

Personality similarity vs. complementarity- Krueger & Caspi (1993) study

Krueger & Caspi (1993) -Women completed personality questionnaires -Rated dating profiles similar or different from own personality Ideal √ Similarity √ Complementarity X

What is love?

Love = A combination of emotions, cognitions and behaviour that can be involved in intimate relationships

Familiarity and the mere exposure effect

Mere exposure effect: repeated exposure to an object results in greater attraction to that object. Moreland & Beach (1992) -Likeability increased by attending more lectures

Does love endure? Relationship maintenance- What changes?

Over time (after 'honeymoon period'): -Passionate love settles to more companionate love -Attachment security increases -Relevance of social exchange increases (Rusbult, 1983)

Kinds of love (Passionate vs. Companionate)

Passionate or romantic love - intensely emotional state; confusion of feelings such as tenderness, sexuality, elation, pain, anxiety, relief, altruism and jealously Companionate love - feelings of friendly affection and deep attachment (Hatfield & Walster, 1981; Hatfield, 1987; Fehr, 1994)

Theories of attraction- Reinforcement-affect model

Reinforcement-affect model We like people who are around when we experience positive feelings (Byrne & Clore, 1970): -Situation -Similarity -Ideal characteristics (need satisfaction) Accounts well for friendships but not long-term relationships

Three factor theory of love Hatfield & Walster (1981)

Romantic love requires: 1. A cultural determinant that acknowledges love as a state 2. An appropriate love object 3. Emotional arousal, self labelled 'love', when thinking about or interacting with the love object

Similarity hypothesis

Similar attitudes, values, traits (e.g., Newcomb, 1961) -Validate our attitudes (reinforcement) -They will like us back (reciprocity) -Smooth interactions (less conflict) Byrne and colleagues (1965, 1971, 1974) proportion of attitudes

Matching hypothesis (Desirability levels)

Similar desirability levels (physical, intelligence, wealth) -Real-life couples rated more alike in attractiveness levels (Murstein, 1972) -Approach equal-status others to avoid rejection

Theories of attraction- Social exchange model(s)

Social exchange model(s): -Social environment is a marketplace where humans can satisfy our needs -Liking and commitment determined by cost-reward ratio

Attachment

Special dyadic relationships that provide us with comfort/protection and allow us to explore/develop -Early relationship experiences partly guide the ways in which we interact with others and form relationships throughout life -Stability in attachment style from infancy to adulthood = 64% (Waters et al., 2000) -As we grow up, relationships with peers and then romantic partners become increasingly important Important throughout the lifespan - "from cradle to grave" (Bowlby, 1969) The same attachment styles emerge in adult relationships as in infants (Hazan & Shaver, 1987) 1. Secure 2. Avoidant 3. Anxious

Evidence for social exchange and equity (Sprecher, 2001)

Sprecher (2001): -101 dating couples followed over 5 years -Satisfaction best predicted by rewards (as well as lack of alternatives and equity for men) -Commitment best predicted by amount of investment and lack of alternatives -Women's rewards, alternatives, and equity predicted break-ups

Finding a mate

Widespread belief in 'romantic destiny' -Where does the chemistry come from? -And what do people look for in a mate? Evolutionary psychology (Buss & Schmidt, 1993): what motivates mate choice is reproductive fitness =>i.e., the opportunity to produce viable offspring The qualities/characteristics people find attractive are those that signal fitness

The importance of other people- Harvard Grant Study

https://youtu.be/8KkKuTCFvzI