Life: Self

Power questions

What am I happy about? What am I excited about? What am I proud about? What am I grateful about? How could I improve my life today?

inhibition

Servo-mechanism equivalent to excessive criticism or overcorrects.

anti-multitasking exercise

* Eliminate bad habit of multitasking * Begin by doing simple things one at a time. * Practice focusing on doing one task at a time * First on less complicated tasks, you will slowly develop self-control * Then will be able to do the same when you are required to focus on more important tasks.

concentration sprinting

* Ability to focus is improved by constant concentration practice. * Set a timer for 7 minutes * Aim is to work non-stop with maximum focus on the task at hand for 7 minutes * You should not stop until the time is up * Avoid all the distractions that come your way * If you are distracted, you should try to come back to the task as soon as possible * Your aim is to get as much things done in the time period. * should take a 3-minute break and start the timer again after your break. * continue to do this exercise, your focus will improve * When that happens, increase the time to 15 minutes. * You will soon be able to work without becoming distracted for hours.

positive motivation

* Ability to motivate themselves to pursue relentless training routines. * Set apart those at the very top of competitive pursuits from others of roughly equal ability is the degree to which * Beginning early in life, they can pursue an arduous practice routine for years and years.

Excellence

* Always strive for excellence but never strive for perfection. * Focus on being the best that you can be and constantly learn from the mistakes that you make.

bring value

* Bring Value to Marketplace * Bring your skills, not your needs * We get paid for the value that we bring to other people's lives, not what we want or think we need. * The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday. * Your goal should be to become irreplaceable, and to become so good at what they do that people can't ignore them. * Learn to work harder on yourself than you do on your job. * Time is more valuable than money. * Most people try to turn everyone they meet into a client or prospect before ever adding value or getting to know them. * When you do things for others before yourself and you are always looking to add value to others lives, you will naturally stand out. * This is it. Invest in yourself to add value to others. * Add value to others and you will stand out.

ideal life

* Create a vision and never let the environment, other people's beliefs, or the limits of what has been done in the past shape your decisions. * Create the perfect vision for your life and read it once every morning. * Focus on it and let you creative mechanism (subconscious) bring it to real life. *Dream Board* * Place all the things you are trying to achieve. * Declaration of your dream in a place where you can see them. * This will help you focus on your dream. * Write your long-term and short-term goals that are related to your dreams. * Remind yourself why it is important. * Write Down Your Goals

low-information diet

* Cultivating Selective Ignorance * Information consumes the attention of its recipients. * Wealth of information creates a poverty of attention. * Problems, as a rule, solve themselves or disappear if you remove yourself as an information bottleneck and empower others. * Just as modern man consumes both too many calories and calories of no nutritional value * Increased output necessitates decreased input. * Most information is time-consuming, negative, irrelevant to your goals, and outside of your influence.

Parkinson's Law

* Dictates that a task will swell in importance and complexity in relation to the time allotted for its completion. * Two synergistic approaches for increasing productivity that are inversions of each other: * Limit tasks to the important to shorten work time (80/20). * Shorten work time to limit tasks to the important (Parkinson's Law). • 80/20 PRINCIPLE and Parkinson's Law are the two cornerstone concepts * Most inputs are useless and time is wasted in proportion to the amount that is available. * Do not multi-task. I'm going to tell you what you already know. * Use Parkinson's Law on a Macro and Micro Level. * Shorten schedules and deadlines to necessitate focused action

breaking a bad habits

* Dig deep and find out the real answers why (Self-awareness) * It could be because you are afraid to start the task. * Research the causes of your bad habits and look for possible solutions. * Override bad habits with beneficial ones.

distractions

* Distractions are anything that prevents the start-to-finish completion of a critical task * Time wasters are the easiest to eliminate and deflect. * It is a matter of limiting access and funneling all communication toward immediate action. * Take note of the amount of time that your focus has been diverted (journal). * Use your notes to develop a plan on how to avoid these distractions. * Minds are programmed to become interested in unfamiliar and fast moving objects

multi-tasking

* Effective when at least one of the tasks can be done automatically, like walking when talking. * We have develop the habits of constant task switching and multitasking. * These habits weaken our ability to focus on one thing for an extended period of time. * Minimize the effects of attention residue, you should try to avoid leaving tasks unfinished.

essentialism

* Elimination of non-essentials * Almost everything is noise * Relentless pursuit of less but better * Living by design, not by default * Too many choices * If you don't prioritize your life, someone else will

optimal experience

* Enjoyment appears at the boundary between boredom and anxiety * When the challenges are just balanced with the person's capacity to act. * A Challenging Activity That Requires Skills * Could not be done without the appropriate skills. * Require the investment of psychic energy * With trivial goals, success in it does not provide enjoyment. * People enjoy exercising control in difficult situations * It is not possible to experience a feeling of control unless one is willing to give up the safety of protective routines.

self-management

* Fifteen or sixteen waking hours. * It is impossible to have maximum focus in all these hours. * Our mind is not prepared to work at one hundred percent capacity all the time. * To avoid too much stress, we should only focus on truly important tasks. * Prepare your mind for the mental challenge that they require. * Important tasks require energy, attention. * Manage Energy, not Time * Management is discipline

gamification

* Find a task that you need to do * Set the amount of time for working on it. * Every time you are interrupted by something, add one point and note the amount of time that you have been distracted. * In your second attempt, your aim is to decrease your score and/or the amount of time you were distracted. * If you are no longer distracted for the entire 10 minutes, you should increase the working duration to 20 minutes. * You could create your own private game with different rewards. * Using gamification increases your motivation to increase your focus

one task at a time

* Finish the Current Task Before Moving To Another One * Downside of rapid switching between tasks * previous task tends to linger in our thoughts. * lingering thoughts are taking some of our attention. * Psychologists call these lingering thoughts attention residue. * distraction it creates is even greater when the previous task is unfinished.

undone tasks

* Finish the Current Task Before Moving To Another One * Previous task tends to linger in our thoughts. * Lingering thoughts are taking some of our attention. * Psychologists call these lingering thoughts attention residue. * Distraction it creates is even greater when the previous task is unfinished. * A child is distracted after playing a video game * cares a lot about the game or if he is addicted to it * harder time avoiding these lingering thoughts.

habits trump inspiration.

* Focus on shifting habits, gaining better perspective * Interrupting bad thought patterns instead of simply focusing on inspiration or what makes us feel good. * Inspiration is needed to create consistent action, but your habits are ultimately going to define your success or failure. * I've realized that the biggest inspiration of all is seeing progress and results which comes from daily habits. * If you don't make a definite decision to break habits and replace them with more intelligent ones it's nearly impossible to change.

be happy

* Happiness Lies in the Present, Not in the Future * Common cause of unhappiness is attempting to live their lives on the deferred payment plan. *Happy-Thoughts* He made a daily practice of "calling up pleasant ideas and memories" and believed that this helped him in his work. *pencil study* * You don't just smile because you're happy. You're happy because you smile. * Pulling up on top lip, Relaxes his jaw, Engage the muscles under the eye, pinching gaze *Physical leads to emotional* * don't just stand confidently because you are confident. You feel confident because of how you're standing. * Chest out, Shoulders back, Head up * Uncross your arms, open, wide * Take up space * Reveal your palms

emotional hope

* Hope made all the difference. * Hope was a better predictor of their first-semester grades than were their scores on the SAT, * Believing you have both the will and the way to accomplish your goals, whatever they may be. * Hope means that one will not give in to overwhelming anxiety, defeatist attitude, depression in the face of difficult challenges or setbacks.

focusing on growth and learning

* How do you continue to reach new heights in your life and business? * Once they reach a certain level, they stop growing. * This is one of the main reasons 95% of people aren't performing at a higher level. * Continual Growth and Learning, and becoming the best at what you do. * My learning didn't stop when I became successful. * The 5% are relentless students who learn, study, and invest in themselves constantly. * Your level of success will seldom exceed your level of personal development. * Stay humble, but never lose your hunger.

control of consciousness determines the quality of life

* How we feel about ourselves depends directly on how the mind filters and interprets everyday experiences. * Only direct control of moment-by-moment experiences can we overcome the obstacles to fulfillment. * We are controlled from the outside as long as we obey the socially conditioned stimulus-response patterns that exploit our biological inclinations * The burden of social controls automatically falls way when finding enjoy and meaning in the ongoing stream of experience. * Power returns to the person when rewards are no longer relegated to outside forces.

Character over Opinions

* I care more about my character than the opinions of others. * Some people hate the idea of anyone thinking negatively of them. * So they sabotage themselves. * Anything to protect themselves from the poor opinion of strangers. * The only way to avoid that vitriol is to disappear. * Everyone who has made a serious positive impact on the world has had to stand out in some way. * Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are.

remove distractions

* Identify the task you need to do and the place where you will do it. * List the common environmental distractions you expect to find in the place. * List internal distractions such as pain, sleepiness, fatigue, etc. * Create an action plan for each distraction you listed. Your response to the distraction must bring your attention back to the task at hand.

Momentum

* If you find yourself in this heighten focus state, you should ride the momentum and keep working. * Never sacrifice your body's welfare for more productivity. * Hydrate, Fatigue is a sign of needing rest. * Manage fatigue is by managing your energy level and scheduling your rests strategically.

expectations

* If you want to increase you level of success in life, you have to raise your standards * Billionaires EXPECT to be rich. Someone with high self esteem EXPECT to be respected and loved.

flow in attention

* Information enters consciousness either because we intend to focus attention on it * Attention is our most important tool in the task of improving the quality of experience. * We create ourselves by how we invest this energy. * Memories, thoughts, and feelings are all shaped by how we use it.. * Consciousness is not a strictly linear system, but one in which circular causality obtains. * Attention shapes the self, and is in turn shaped by it. * It is relatively easy to bring order to the mind for short stretches of time; any realistic goal can accomplish this. * But it is much more difficult to extend this state of being through the entirety of life. * If goals are well chosen, and if we have the courage to abide by them despite opposition, * We shall be so focused on the actions and events around us that we won't have the time to be unhappy

consistent energy and motivation

* Inner Drive * You must consistently improve * Emotional intelligence *Philosophy on how success is achieved* * Perspective * How you view yourself. * Your mindset *Commitment to consistency gives a competitive edge* * Lack of consistency is the subtle, but great stealer of dreams and desires. * I saw progress and felt my mind growing * There is nothing that brings you energy and confidence like progressing towards your goals. * I started feeling more Consistent Energy and Motivation.

Happiness is not something that happens

* It does not depend on outside events, but, rather, on how we interpret them * Yet we cannot reach happiness by consciously searching for it. * Optimal experience is thus something that we make happen. * The universe was not designed with the comfort of human beings in mind. * The universe is not hostile nor yet is it friendly, It is simply indifferent.

we assign meaning

* We assign meaning to everything, both living and non-living. * It is way for our brains to understand things because without this we would not have a framework to define things. * If you believe you are right, or you believe you are wrong, you're right.

Unrealistic Is Easier Than the Realistic

* It's lonely at the top. * Ninety-nine percent of people in the world are convinced they are incapable of achieving great things, * The level of competition is thus fiercest for realistic goals * paradoxically making them the most time and energy-consuming. * Having an unusually large goal is an adrenaline infusion that provides the endurance to overcome the inevitable trials and tribulations that go along with any goal. * Realistic goals are uninspiring and will only fuel you through the first or second problem.

power of now

* LIFE IS AVAILABLE ONLY IN THE PRESENT MOMENT. * Yet every second spent worrying about a past or future moment distracts us from what is important in the here and now. * Essentialist is to tune into the present * I worked on each item on the "what is essential now" list one at a time. * Without thinking about the other * By the time I went to sleep I had not only done all the things that needed to be executed at that moment, but I had executed them better and faster, because I was focused.

beneficial habits

* List all the habits you want to have in your life. * You should make sure that they are all beneficial to your life goals. * Develop your self-discipline by building morale-boosting habits * Try writing in a journal or try sleeping before 11 pm for a whole month * Start a habit that doesn't require a lot of self-discipline * You should start by doing level-1 habits for one month

Improve the quality of life

* Making external conditions match our goals. * Change how we experience external conditions to make them fit our goals better. * To gain personal control over the quality of experience one needs to learn how to build enjoyment into what happens day in, day out.

flow in education

* Mastery in a craft or skill is spurred on by the experience of flow, that the motivation to get better and better * Painters must want to paint above all else. * A craft, profession, or art, so too with learning. * Students who achieve up to the level of their academic potential and beyond are more often drawn to study because it puts them in flow. * Harvard psychologist who developed the theory of multiple intelligences, sees flow, and the positive states that typify it, as part of the healthiest way to teach children,

meditate regularly

* Meditation aims to remove the clutter of thought from the mind. * It trains you to maximize your control over your brain. * Meditation and prayers work in improving your concentration by training your mind to focus on one thing.

duplicated the action of others

* Mimic Whose you want to emulate * Copy others who you want to follow * Listen To Those Who Have Done It * I'm sick and tired of hearing from all these 'experts' who tell us what to do, but haven't produced results in their own life.

Belief in yourself

* One way that you can develop your belief in yourself is through the use of positive affirmations. Some examples of positive affirmations include: * The goal is to feel what you are saying and not just repeat the words mindlessly. * I sometimes put affirmations or quotes on post-it notes and hang them on my computer monitor as reminders. * Visualize your success. Keep a success journal. Read something inspiring every day. Eat healthy and exercise regularly. Get a good night's sleep. Replace self-limiting thoughts with positive ones. Reduce your exposure to television and other sources of negative media. Associate with positive people. * One of the keys to succeeding in anything is simply the belief that you can and will succeed. * positive affirmations

optimism

* Optimists tend to respond actively, hopefully, formulating a plan of action, or seeking out help * Expectation that things will turn out all right in life, despite setbacks and frustrations. * People who are optimistic see a failure as due to something that can be changed so that they can succeed next time around * One source of a positive or negative outlook may well be inborn temperament; * Optimism and hope—like helplessness and despair—can be learned.

production vs production capacity

* P = Saw the tree (doing) * PC = Sharpen the saw (getting ready) * Spend time sharpening the saw * spend some time reviewing process (how to do things) instead of just doing to make the process better and the job easier.

principles

* Principles don't get mad, are not emotional, they are changeless. * Don't change with our circumstances, environment, or our emotions. * Guide your life with principles so you don't get tossed around my life's stimulus.

be proactive

* Proactive people are driven by principles and are responsible for our own lives * Not controlled (but can be influenced) by impulses or emotions. * They don't wait for something to happen * Solutions to problems, not problem themselves * Behavior is a function of decisions, not conditions. * They act, and they are not acted upon * Two Creations * The first is mental the second is physical. * You are either a product of your first creation(proactive) or someone else. * Stop asking for opinions and start proposing solutions.

improve your attention span

* Record of how long you can resist standing up from your work and doing something that isn't really important. * Record the thing, event, or person who interrupted your work. * Your first recorded time will be your baseline. * Measure * Turn it into a game * Get Enough Hours of Sleep at Night * Divide Large Tasks into Smaller Tasks * Alternate Difficult Tasks with Easy Ones * Take Breaks where you do absolutely nothing * Only take breaks when it is necessary * Too many breaks effect on your productivity.

meditate steps

* Sit in a room with minimal distractions around him or her. * All you have to do is to remain still in a sitting position while keeping your focus on your breathing. * Beginners are made to count their breathing from one to ten * As you become more accustomed to the practice, you should try to increase the duration. * Stray thoughts * Acknowledging that they exist and letting them pass. * Don't dwell in a thought. * Have a small notebook to can take note of these thoughts before you forget them.

flow

* State of self-forgetfulness, the opposite of rumination and worry: * Emotional intelligence at its best * Ecstatic state to such a point that you feel as though you almost don't exist. * Athletes know this state of grace as "*the zone*," where excellence becomes effortless * Attention becomes so focused that people are aware only of the narrow range of perception related to the immediate task, * The quality of attention in flow is relaxed yet highly focused. * Losing track of time and space. * Entry to this zone can also occur when people find a task they are skilled at, and engage in it at a level that slightly taxes their ability. * If there is too little demand on them, people are bored. * If there is too much for them to handle, they get anxious.

design a routine

* The Essentialist designs a routine that makes achieving what you have identified as essential the default position * Routine is one of the most powerful tools for removing obstacles. * Without routine, the pull of nonessential distractions will overpower us. * We won't have to expend precious energy every day prioritizing everything. * The mechanism by which routine enables difficult things to become easy. * Highly creative people use strict routines to free up their minds. * Mix up your routines when things get boring * Tackle your routines one by one

emotional mood

* The intellectual benefits of a good laugh are most striking when it comes to solving a problem that demands a creative solution. * People in good moods have a perceptual bias that leads them to be more expansive and positive in their thinking. * Being in a foul mood biases memory in a negative direction, * Emotions out of control impede the intellect.

first step

* The most difficult thing is the decision to act, the rest is merely tenacity. * Life is all about taking that first step. * Actually making the decision to finally act upon a thought is what will see success. * The only way to fully succeed in life is to think first and then act. * The rest will fall into place.

be different

* The most successful people our world has ever seen have built legacies staying true to themselves. * you can get a head start by looking at what everybody else is doing and do the opposite. * The more people do something, the less valuable it is. * You get reprimanded and disciplined if you speak up, act out, or try to be 'different' in school. * In entrepreneurship and business, it's a great way to separate yourself from the herd. * You're conditioned to accept normal based on society's already corrupted definition of wealth, and because of it, normal itself - is corrupted.

Persistence

* The normal reaction to tasks that overwhelm us, either because we cannot see how we can ever finish them, or because the level of difficulty is way beyond us, is frustration. Frustration breeds procrastination and welcomes distractions. * Tasks are difficult at the beginning, but improve with more work

passion

* The only thing you will ever need to be great is that little spark * That little voice within that says you are great. * Hold on to it, trust it, and put your faith in it. * Lack of emotion causes lack of progress and lack of motivation. *Whatever your passion may be, make sure that you incorporate it into your daily life. * No Greatness Without A Passion To Be Great

unconscious thought theory

* The parts of our brain supporting conscious thought represent only a small fraction of our neuronal horsepower. * When it comes to complex tasks, therefore, our conscious attention can help intake and understand only a limited amount of information at a time. * Other parts of our brain, however, that operate below the level of conscious attention, are able to dedicate a lot more resources to processing these tasks: even though we don't always realize this is going on. * After an hour of this blind processing I decided to step back and try to summarize what I understood so far. * As I wrote, I discovered to my surprise that I actually understood way more than I expected. * My short summary stretched into a longer digression on the problem. * But somehow during my frustrated slog from one step to the next, another part of my mind was dutifully collecting and organizing the pieces * Work which didn't become apparent until I tried to write down what I knew. (Creative mechanism)

flow in complexity

* The result of two broad psychological processes *Differentiation (movement toward uniqueness)* * Implies a movement toward uniqueness, toward separating oneself from others. *Integration* * Integration refers to its opposite: a union with other people, with ideas and entities beyond the self. * After each episode of flow a person becomes more of a unique individual, less predictable, possessed of rarer skills. * The self becomes complex as a result of experiencing flow. * Flow is important both because it makes the present instant more enjoyable * It builds the self-confidence that allows us to develop skills * Make significant contributions to humankind. * Surmounting difficulty is the crucible that forms character

impulse control

* There is perhaps no psychological skill more fundamental than resisting impulse. * It is the root of all emotional self-control * All emotions, by their very nature, lead to one or another impulse to act. * Emotional skills such as impulse control and accurately reading a social situation can be learned.

control our subjective reality

* Those who take the trouble to gain mastery over what happens in consciousness do live a happier life. * A person can make himself happy, or miserable just by changing the contents of consciousness. * Regardless of what is actually happening outside

excess become the opposite

* Too much, too many, and too often of what you want becomes what you don't want. * Lifestyle Design is thus not interested in creating an excess of idle time, which is poisonous. * Positive use of free time, defined simply as doing what you want as opposed to what you feel obligated to do. * Money Alone Is Not the Solution. * Relative income uses two variables: the dollar and time, usually hours.

Pareto's Law 80/20

* Vilfredo Pareto was a wily and controversial economist-cum-sociologist who lived from 1848 to 1923. * Eighty percent of Pareto's garden peas were produced by 20% of the peapods he had planted, * 80% of the outputs result from 20% of the inputs. * 80% of the consequences flow from 20% of the causes. * 80% of the results come from 20% of the effort and time. * 80% of company profits come from 20% of the products and customers. * 80% of all stock market gains are realized by 20% of the investors and 20% of an individual portfolio. * Being overwhelmed is often as unproductive as doing nothing, and is far more unpleasant. * Being selective, doing less, is the path of the productive. * Focus on the important few and ignore the rest.

focus on gratitude

* When you are grateful fear disappears and abundance appears. * Focus on filling your mind with gratitude. * Stay focused on the good things versus focusing on negativity and you will feel your motivation, happiness, and energy increase. * Gratefulness is key to living a life of abundance. * Without it, you will always want more and more and more and more and more things to fill the never-ending hole inside.

priorities

* Where focus goes, energy flows. * Focus on what makes you happier and more productive. Become aware of that. * You have only time for 3-5 priorities * Either HELL YEAH! Or No

impeccable integrity

* You build a conviction that you have impeccable integrity by living with impeccable integrity. * You follow through on the things you say you are going to do. * You only make commitments you will keep. * You represent yourself honestly to everyone. * You cut out lying. • Even the little white lies. • Even the lies of omission.

review goals

* You need to tell your mind what your goal is. * Do this morning and night, so that your mind knows what it is that you want to achieve. * I must learn chapter one and chapter two of my homework. That's a specific goal. * That's all your mind needs in order to process information. * Then carry on as normal, thinking positive thoughts. * You need to be able to visualize to help you to learn.

concentrate on yourself

* set your standards high and work towards making it happen. * Only you have the power, not your environment. • Your income right now is a result of your standards, it is not the industry, it is not the economy.

SMART goals

*(S)pecific* * The more specific your goal, the more likely you will be to accomplish it. * Who is involved? What exactly do I want to accomplish? When will it be finished by? Where will I accomplish it? Why is it important to me? *(M)easurable* * How will I know when I have accomplished my goal? * Post your goals where you can see them every day *(A)ttainable* * If we don't believe we can achieve a goal, we won't be motivated to put in the required time and effort. * If the goal isn't a challenge, we run the risk of not being motivated to work toward something that is too easy. *(R)elevant* * Must know our WHY, and it must be personal. * It is not a goal that someone else wants for us. * (T)ime-bound* * Gives us a sense of urgency and helps us stay motivated. * A goal without a time limit runs the risk of becoming a wish that we will get to someday. * Copy someone who has already achieved the results

cause and effect

*Actions can have complicated effects * Actions can have undesired effect without knowing the cause of what one is acting on * Risk = hazard + outrage * Conventional wisdom is often wrong. * Incentives are the cornerstone of modern life * Dramatic effects often have distant, even subtle, causes.

meaning of life

*Cultivating Purpose* Find a unifying purpose that justifies the things they do day in, day out *Forging Resolve* Gives direction to one's efforts, but it does not necessarily make life easier. No goal can have much effect unless taken seriously. *Distinguish Authenticity* There are simply too many goals competing for prominence. Too many incompatible goals struggle to marshal psychic energy toward their own ends. It does not matter what the choice is, as long as it is an expression of what the person genuinely feels and believes. *Inauthentic projects* are those a person chooses because they are what she feels ought to be done, because they are what everybody else is doing, and therefore there is no alternative.*

lifestyle design

*DEALI* *Definition* * Turns misguided common sense upside down * Introduces the rules and objectives of the new game. * It replaces self-defeating assumptions and explains concepts such as relative wealth and eustress. * Explains the overall lifestyle design recipe before we add the three ingredients. *Elimination* * kills the obsolete notion of time management once and for all. * Increase your per-hour results ten times or more with counterintuitive NR(New Rich) techniques * cultivating selective ignorance * developing a low-information diet * ignoring the unimportant. * First ingredient of luxury lifestyle design: time *Automation* * puts cash flow on autopilot using geographic arbitrage, outsourcing, and rules of non-decision. * From bracketing to the routines of ultrasuccessful NR, it's all here. * Second ingredient of luxury lifestyle design: income. *Liberation* * Is the mobile manifesto for the globally inclined. * The concept of mini-retirements is introduced, * Liberation is not about cheap travel; * Breaking the bonds that confine you to a single location. * Final ingredient for luxury lifestyle design: mobility. *Implement* * It is necessary to create freedom of location before you cut your work hours by 80%.

essentialism process

*Explore / Choose* * There is evidence that humans learn helplessness * when we surrender our right to choose *Eliminate / Discern* * Unimportance of Practically Everything * Doing less (but thinking more) will actually produce better outcomes? * Distinguishes the vital few from the trivial many * Saying yes to any opportunity by definition requires saying no to several others. * Freedom of Setting Boundaries * But without limits, we eventually become spread so thin that getting anything done becomes virtually impossible. * boundaries are empowering and source of liberation * What is the "slowest hiker" in your job or your life? * Produce More by Removing More *Execute* * Power of Small Wins * Progress is the most effective human motivation * Really get essential things done we need to start small and build momentum. * There is power in steadiness and repetition. * Visually Reward Progress

circle Of influence

*Focus on your Circle of Influence not Circle of Concern* * The *Circle of Concern* is filled with the have's: "I'll be happy when I have my house paid off." * Reactive people, on the other hand, focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern. * They focus on the weakness of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have no control. * By saying I'm not responsible, I make myself a powerless victim; I immobilize myself in a negative situation. * Proactive people focus their efforts in the *Circle of Influence*. * They work on the things they can do something about. * The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their Circle of Influence to increase. * The Circle of Influence is filled with the be's—I can be more patient, be wise, be loving. * The proactive approach is to change from the inside-out: to be different, and by being different, to effect positive change in what's out there * Once I elevated my peer group, my standards and results followed.

organize your mind

*Metacognition* * Concentration is a problem solving skill * self-awareness achieve from metacognition will guide you to develop strategies to make your concentration improve. * you should constantly observe how you deal with problems in your mind. * ability of being aware of how you mind works or higher-level cognition. *Hypercognition* * self-monitoring, self-representation, and self-regulation processes *Types of metacognitive* * Person knowledge: (declarative knowledge) which is understanding one's own capabilities * Task knowledge (procedural knowledge) which is how one perceives the difficulty of a task which is the content, length, and the type of assignment * Strategic knowledge (conditional knowledge) which is one's own capability for using strategies to learn information. Young children are not particularly good at this. * Concentration is a learning and problem solving skill. You should constantly observe how you deal with problems in your mind. Key is to obverse by measuring and keeping track on it (data). * When you become distracted, make a note it, use your notes to develop a plan on how to solve it. Measure it and track your progress.

self-renewal

*Physical* * Caring for the body *Mental* * Development comes from study * Quality not quantity of information digested * Proactive people educate themselves *Social / Emotional* * Normal everyday interactions - deposits *Spiritual* * Prayer, meditation on scriptures

effective management

*Putting first things first*. * day-by-day, moment-by-moment

eight major components of enjoyment

*When people reflect on how it feels when their experience is most positive, they mention at least one, and often all, of the following.* * First, the experience usually occurs when we confront tasks we have a chance of completing. * Second, we must be able to concentrate on what we are doing. * Third and fourth, the concentration is usually possible because the task undertaken has clear goals and provides immediate feedback. * Fifth, one acts with a deep but effortless involvement that removes from awareness the worries and frustrations of everyday life. * Sixth, enjoyable experiences allow people to exercise a sense of control over their actions. * Seventh, concern for the self disappears, yet paradoxically the sense of self emerges stronger after the flow experience is over. * Finally, the sense of the duration of time is altered; hours pass by in minutes, and minutes can stretch out to seem like hours. * The combination of all these elements causes a sense of deep enjoyment that is so rewarding people feel that expending a great deal of energy is worthwhile simply to be able to feel it.

personal direction

*You need a map in your hands, something that reminds you of the direction you want to go.* * Put First Things First * Decide what is really important * You Are The Programmer * Create You own Paradigms / Program * Centered around principles not things that can change / emotions * Begin with end in mind * What do you want to be known for * What do you want on you tombstone.

observation drill

After you have left a place, such as a restaurant or shop, stop and see how much of it you can recall and describe in copious, exacting detail. This will automatically slow yourself down and be more mindful

Powers Of Observation

Being able to seeing people, events, and places around us. Helps us understand others, learn faster.

quadrant time management

QI: Important & Urgent (Firefighter) QII: Important & Not Urgent (Spend time, prevent fires in QI and QIV) QIII: Not Important & Urgent QIV: Not Important & Not Urgent (Eliminate)

self-consciousness

Really others' consciousness. When you become too consciously concerned about what others think, it creates inhibition. Truth be told, we tend to believe other people think about us far more than they ever actually do.

empathy

The capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within the other person's frame of reference. Builds on self-awareness, using the same tools we look at ourselves.

mindfulness

The psychological process of bringing one's attention to the internal and external experiences occurring in the present moment, which can be developed through the practice of meditation and other training.

be responsible

Whatever happens, take responsibility

negative feedback

When you are wrong, you are off course, you need to take corrective action to get back on the beam or modify your response. Change the course of forward action, not to stop it altogether. If the mechanism is too sensitive the servo-mechanism overcorrects. Performs exaggerated lateral zig-zags or stop all forward progress altogether.

actual self

necessarily imperfect. Throughout life it is always moving toward an ideal goal, but never arriving. It is important that we learn to accept this Actual Self, with all its imperfections,.

be mindful

*Train your mind.* Mindfulness is the habit of consciously paying attention to what is going on around you. *Practice being mindful during your routine activities.* For example, pay attention to each step as you make your morning coffee. *Be brief.* Your mind actually works better in short bursts of activity, so keep your practice sessions short. *Try meditation.* Meditating can be very beneficial for your brain.

what if questions

*What if questions control most people's lives.* * Since the stakes are so high, you play it safe.* * You take no risks. You try not to be seen.* * You purposely inhibit your ability to stand out. * You rarely, if ever, fail because you rarely, if ever, extend yourself beyond your comfort zone. *Take Risks*

self-acceptance

Accepting and coming to terms with ourselves now, just as we are, with all our faults, weaknesses, shortcomings, errors, as well as our assets and strengths. Success or genuine happiness is only possible with it. You are not your mistakes.

symptoms of inhibition

Excessive carefulness leads to inhibition and anxiety. Includes shyness, timidity, self-consciousness, hostility, feelings of excessive guilt, insomnia, nervousness, irritability, inability to get along with others.

inhibition to disinhibition

If you are among the millions who suffer unhappiness and failure because of inhibition, You need to practice being less careful, less concerned, less conscientious.

willpower

It's a muscle or a skill. Like the muscles in your arms or legs, and it gets tired as it works harder, so there's less power left over for other things. It also gets strong the more we use it. "When you learn to force yourself to practice for an hour or run fifteen laps, you start building self-regulatory strength.

confidence

Self-confidence is all about ensuring your interior self that your exterior self has value. Confidence is built on an experience of success. It is literally true that success breeds success. * The only security you have is the confidence in yourself and your ability to make things happen. * When you start to gain clarity; your Confidence follows. * If you don't have confidence, you will always find a way to lose. * Obsession is the hallmark of genius * Be obsessed about the few things that can really move your life and business forward. * Don't try to be great at fifty things.

power to choose

We have the freedom (Only true Freedom) to decide how to respond to stimulus *Change your state to change your mood* * Recognize why you are in the mood you are in and understand how and why you feel this way. * Decide on the mood you actually want to be in and visualize being in that mood. * What actions you can take to bring on a more positive state of mind. *Create your own scripts* * We can learn to condition our minds, bodies, and emotions to link pain or pleasure to whatever we choose *It is your decisions, and not your conditions, that determine your destiny* * You can use your story, or your story can use you. * Don't let your past affect your present or your future. * Use your past correctly by learning from it and then by moving on from it..

self-absorbed

We miss blatant and random clues that reveal the truth. Egocentricity also mutes intuitive ("gut") feelings that would other wise be heard, but unfortunately get ignored.

your opinion matters most of all

You can succeed no matter what others' doubts may be, as long as you are not controlled by them. It is only when your cheering section's bleachers are devoid of the one true believer who matters most—yourself—that you are in truly dire straits.

automatic success mechanism

a built-in guidance system or goal-striving device...to help achieve its goal.

self-awareness - emotion

* Ability to monitor feelings from moment to moment is crucial to psychological insight and self-understanding. * An inability to notice our true feelings leaves us at their mercy. * People with greater certainty about their feelings are better pilots of their lives * Ability to think or look at our thoughts, mood, mental state, paradigms, yourself. * Much of emotional life is unconscious * Emotions are created by motions

social analysis

* Able to detect and have insights about people's feelings, motives, and concerns. * To balance being true to oneself with social skills, using them with integrity.

Advantages of Disadvantages

* Advantages can become disadvantages * Some pretend to be rich, yet have nothing; * Disadvantages can become Advantages * Others pretend to be poor, yet have great wealth. Proverbs 13:7 * With hard work, that disadvantage will be a strength for those who persevere * Never give up

self-awareness drill

* All you need to do is record your thoughts in a journal of some sort. * Spend 5 to 10 minutes writing whatever comes to your mind. * No matter how crazy or negative the thought may be, just write it down. * Do not edit or censor yourself. * Write without stopping for about 5 minutes. * Once you are done, re-read everything you wrote. * Pay attention to the types of thoughts you wrote down. * Do they reflect a negative attitude? * choose at least one sentence that you think might be able to be re-written to sound more optimistic. * Re-write this sentence at the bottom of the page. * Directly below it, write a new version of the sentence that sounds at least slightly more positive.

emotional rage

* Anger is never without a reason, but seldom a good one. - Benjamin Franklin * Anger is energizing and the hardest to control * Ways of intervening. * Defusing or Distract * Cooling off, getting away from the situation and add breathing and muscle relaxation * Ventilation not a good method

emotional anxiety

* Anxiety undermines the intellect. * Worry is the nub of anxiety's damaging effect on mental performance of all kind. * Studying too hard in preparation can sabotage success (too much anxiety)

Freeing Your Creative Machinery

* Be intensely interested(burning desire) in solving a particular problem or securing an answer. * When the stress of trying to force the answer through conscious thought is turned off, * the servo-mechanism is liberated to function as an Automatic Success Mechanism, and often does just that. * Once a decision is made, focus on supporting it, not second-guessing it. * Strive for greater decisiveness and finality in small matters, * As soon as you make a decision, take all information (pros, cons, etc) and put it into a locked box*

emotional self-mastery

* Being able to withstand the emotional storms that the buffeting of fortune brings rather than being passion's slave * Every feeling has its value and significance. * The goal is balance, not emotional suppression *Managing emotions* * Handling feelings so they are appropriate is an ability that builds on self-awareness. * Capacity to soothe oneself, to shake off rampant anxiety, gloom, or irritability—and the consequences of failure at this basic emotional skill. *Motivating oneself* * Emotional self-control, delaying gratification and stifling impulsiveness, underlies accomplishment of every sort. * People who have this skill tend to be more highly productive and effective in whatever they undertake.

self-awareness

* Being aware of how your mind works * What distracts you from focusing * What are your consistent emotions, do they control you? * We are not are thoughts, feelings, moods. * We can evaluate them and see if they are what we want. * We can't understand how other see and feel about others until we understand how we see and feel about yourself. * Ability to think about your thought process, mood, mental state. * Decide if you like it or want to change.

automatic success mechanism - trial and error

* By making a trial, missing the mark, consciously remembering the degree of error, and making correction on the next trial—until finally a "hit," or successful attempt is accomplished. The successful reaction pattern is then remembered, or recalled, and "imitated" on future trials. * As soon as the error has been recognized as such, and correction of course made, it is equally important that the error be consciously forgotten, and that the successful attempt remembered and dwelt upon. * If we consciously dwell on the error or consciously feel guilty about the error and keep berating ourselves because of it, then—unwittingly—we make the error or failure itself the "goal" that is consciously held in imagination and memory

habits - chunking

* Can manage at most seven bits of information * That the shortest time it takes to discriminate between one set of bits and another is about 1/18 of a second. * The nervous system has become adept at "*chunking*" bits of information * Learned how to compress and streamline information through symbolic means, language, math, abstract concepts, and stylized narratives.

automatic success mechanism - clearly see the target

* Decide What You Want—Not What You Don't Want * Let Your Automatic Success Mechanism Take Care of the Details * A Strong Mental Picture Can Pull You Toward Success Even When You Have No Logical Argument for It * Your creative "success mechanism" within you takes over and does the job much better than you could do it by conscious effort or willpower. * Finding Your Best Self * You must "see" yourself in a new role. * Our aim is to find the real self. * Actually, there is no such thing as a superiority complex.

social chameleons

* Don't mind in the least saying one thing and doing another, if that will win them social approval. * Popularity won at the cost of one's true satisfaction.

disinhibition drills

* Don't wonder in advance what you are going to say. * Just open your mouth and say it. * Improvise as you go along. * Don't plan (take no thought for tomorrow). * Don't think before you act. Act and correct your actions as you go along. * Make a habit of speaking louder than usual.(Loud talk in itself is a powerful disinhibitor.) * Big arm movements and placement

meaning of an event

* Each memory creates in a person a separate meaning, a reason why one holds onto the memory. * Framing can lend different meaning to past events. * Meaning is incredibly subjective. * One can alter one's interior map, one's internal representation.

overcome victim mentality

* Everything is hard before it is easy. * Do you think of yourself as a victim, as someone with little or no control or power where you feel sorry for yourself and the whole world is against you? * The victim mentality can be pretty beneficial in the short term and for instant gratification. * When you feel like the victim and like someone else is wrong and you are right then that can lead to pleasurable feelings. * When you feel like the victim and like someone else is wrong and you are right then that can lead to pleasurable feelings. * Ask yourself what the long-term consequences of this will be. * Replace the victim thinking with something more helpful. * Gratitude. After that initial pain is gone "Does someone on the planet have it worse than me right now?" * Learn and take action. What is one thing I can learn from this situation?

swish patterns

* Get the picture that represents the habit or situation you would like to change. * Picture of the person you would like to be. * Change the visual intensity (brightness, size, distance, etc.) for the most "real" or most positive Kinesthetic. * Bring back the old picture, now step into the picture, fully associated. * Now insert in the lower left hand corner, a small, dark picture of the desired state. * Simultaneously, * have picture of current state rapidly shrink and recede to a distant point * While dark picture explodes(fast) into view. * This can be accompanied by either an internal or external swish sound, not necessary * Repeat

Neuro-linguistic programming

* Human beings do not live in the world; instead, they live in their own ideas of it: their own models of it. * One can completely alter one's initial programming *Can change* * What we focus on (what we think is important) * How we view reality (past and persent) * maps of ourself and the world * Produce better generalizations * Values, Beliefs, Attitudes, Memories, Decisions

cognitive re-framing

* Human beings have the awesome ability to take any experience of their lives and create a meaning that * Reframing is a way of viewing and experiencing events, ideas, concepts and emotions to find more positive alternatives. * Learn About Basic Cognitive Errors * Develop Mental Awareness * Challenge Your Conclusions * Replace Faulty Beliefs

take action

* If there's no action, you haven't truly decided * Taking constant action regardless of the outcome; * Lots of people know what to do, but few people actually do what they know. * Don't keep consuming information * No matter how many mistakes you make or how slow you progress, you're still way ahead of everyone who isn't trying. * Knowledge and firsthand experience makes you powerful; it connects the dots in your brain. * choose what you want to learn about and stick to one program

dehypnotize yourself from false beliefs

* Is this belief based on an actual fact or on an assumption—or a false conclusion? * Why should I continue to act and feel as if this were true if there is no good reason to believe it? * Can you see that you have cheated yourself and sold yourself short * You are going to use "goal pictures," held in your imagination and let your automatic mechanism realize those goals for you. * Generate enough emotion or deep feeling, and your new thoughts and ideas will cancel negative ones.

power poses

* It has more to do with how people portray themselves to us * Sit / Stand Tall no Slouching * Body changes are mind * our minds and change our behavior * our behavior can change our outcomes * Power: being big, stand of straight take up space with arms * Fake it until you become it

limbic system or mammalian brain

* It is responsible for more complex brain functions such as regulation of the immune and hormone systems, sexuality, mood, feelings, and emotions. The limbic system also controls an important part of our long-term memory storage. * The amygdala is our emotional control center. One of its jobs is to analyze incoming information for emotional significance and determine if it should initiate a freeze, flight, or fight response. * Goodbye learning, hello panic. Learning is virtually impossible in this state. Positive emotions such as joy, fun, and excitement are, therefore, extremely important to the learning process. * One of the jobs of the amygdala is to attach these emotional post-it notes to memories. The stronger the emotion, the stronger the memory. This is why emotionally rich events, that occurred many years ago, are remembered in much greater detail than mundane events that happened recently * The fact that the limbic system controls both emotions and long-term memory storage has an important implication for learning. Things that involve strong emotions are very well remembered. * Limbic System: Amygdala, Emotional hijacking, Emergency, Panic

self-awareness - environment

* It's never the environment; it's never the events of our lives, but the meaning we attach to the events * How we interpret them - that shapes who we are today and who we'll become tomorrow.

never give up

* Life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment. * Why would the universe want to give you something that you were not willing to really work towards?

keystone habit

* Making your bed every morning is correlated with better productivity * a greater sense of well-being, and stronger skills at sticking with a budget. * But somehow those initial shifts start chain reactions that help other good habits take hold. * The habits that matter most are the ones that, when they start to shift, dislodge and remake other patterns. * A key habit that when changed, allows us to change other habits

paradigms

* Maps of how we view things in life. * We are conditioned to respond a certain way * Environmental: world around you * Genetic: DNA * Psychic: parents, childhood

emotional intelligence

* Observe, Identify, Control your own emotions and those around you * Abilities such as being able to motivate oneself and persist in the face of frustrations * To control impulse and delay gratification * To regulate one's moods and keep distress from swamping the ability to think * To empathize and to hope. * EQ better factor for success than IQ

two brain speeds - fast

* Operates involuntary, automatically, intuitively and effortlessly, * when we drive a car, read a facial expression or respond to our name * Heuristics are not always accurate (gullible) * Path of least resistance (Laziness) * Thinking fast will remind us to buy groceries, thinking slow will enable us to write a list of the items we need to buy. * Can estimate their product quickly * Plausible story over a probable story * Subconscious thought confused by causality * Creates stories to aid in decision making * Operates without effort Influenced by heuristics

emotional melancholy

* People are most inventive when it comes to trying to escape the blues. * Bereavement is useful; full-blown depression is not. * People who get depressed easily tend to create very strong networks of association between these thoughts, * Depressing thoughts are automatic, intruding on one's state of mind unbidden. *Stop the cycle* * Aerobic exercise is effective for mild depression and bad moods. Too much and it becomes less effective. * Relaxation techniques, which put the body into a low-arousal state, work well for anxiety * Constructive approach to mood-lifting is engineering a small triumph or easy success: *Cognitive refraining* * One of the most potent and, outside therapy, little used antidotes to depression is seeing things differently, or cognitive refraining

nonverbal communication

* People's emotions are rarely put into words, far more often they are expressed through other cues. * tone of voice * gesture * facial expression * Emotional truth is in how he says something rather than in what he says.

real success is success with self

* Practice acting boldly and with courage in regard to little things. * Be willing to make a few mistakes to suffer a little pain to get what you want * You Are What You Believe * Stop carrying around a mental picture of yourself as a person less capable than others * Seat Goals according to those beliefs * *Celebrate your victories small or large* * recognize and build on your strengths continually remind yourself that you are not your mistakes.

you are what you believe you are

* See the very best of every situation in the proper context. * You trust your own abilities and feel in control of your life—to a point * You understand that you cannot do everything * Your abilities limit you from certain actions.

Build an adequate self-image

* See yourself acting and reacting appropriately, successfully, ideally. builds new "memories" or stored data into your midbrain and central nervous system. * Your present inadequate feeling and doing are automatic and spontaneous, because of the memories, real and imagined you have built into your automatic mechanism * Take pad and pen and write out a brief outline or description of the mental movie you intend to construct * Play, edit, and replay your movie in your mind. (30min per day) * Gradually "massage" your movie so that its "star" (you) performs exactly as you desire, and achieves the experience and results you desire. * When movie is what you want, play and enjoy that movie repeatedly without change.

Social Intelligence - dominant partner

* Setting the emotional tone of an interaction is, in a sense, a sign of dominance at a deep and intimate level * It means driving the emotional state of the other person. * Dominant partners talk more, while the subordinate partner watches the other's face more

social newcomers

* Simply watch for a time, then join in very tentatively at first, being more assertive only in very cautious steps. * Popular children spend time observing the group to understand what's going on before entering in then do something that shows they accept it. * They wait to have their status in the group confirmed before taking initiative in suggesting what the group should do. * Two cardinal sins that almost always lead to rejection are trying to take the lead too soon and being out of synch with the frame of reference.dsad

power body language

* Stand up. Tall. Chest out, shoulders back. Breathe slowly and smile. * One is actually unable to feel sad or dejected with this pose. * Negative physiology maintains negative emotional states*

initiative and persisting

* Stay committed to your decisions, but stay flexible in your approach * Focus all of our resources on mastering a single area of our lives. * Pick just one thing and put ALL my energy into this. * Most people fail in life because they major in minor things * The only limit to your impact is your imagination and commitment

solution-oriented therapy

* Taking control of your emotions and self-image without probing your past for root causes is Solution-Oriented Therapy * Ideas Are Changed Not by "Will," but by Other Ideas

reframing

* Understand the ways in which you describe the event you wish to refrain. * Fully Associate to the Problem Relating to the Meaning. * Place yourself specifically at the heart of the moment. * Understand what you felt like in that moment, and understand why you want that feeling to go away. * Actively swoop this memory away and replace it with the one in which you were learning something—not failing at something.* * Repeat until the memory holds new meaning * Create a polar opposite frame in which to hold a different meaning.

adopt new behaviors

*These behaviors must affirm your belief in yourself* * Creating a Bond Between Action and Belief Your current perception of yourself is your belief-structure. * Action-oriented * Ready to charge signals to your brain that you have worth, that you have value * Your actions can actually alter your beliefs.

mental success mechanism drill

* Ten or fifteen minutes every day * Taking that mental picture from a vague idea, add * Create colored vision that occurs to you exactly the same way whenever called upon. (writing, drawing, pictures, magazines, etc) * By providing your Automatic Success Mechanism with a clear, precisely detailed, vividly imagined, and perfectly communicated " *TRUST* * Think in terms of the end result, and the means will often take care of themselves *RELAX* *All servo-mechanisms achieve a goal by negative feedback, by going forward, making mistakes, and immediately correcting (not overcorrecting) course. *LEARN* *Skill learning of is accomplished by trial and error, mentally correcting until you achieve a successful motion and by forgetting the past errors and remembering successful ones *DO* *You must learn to trust your creative mechanism to do its work by not becoming too concerned or too anxious *Moreover, its nature is to operate spontaneously according to the present need. * You must act as if it is there, and it will come through. * Comes into operation as you act and as you place a demand on it by your actions. *See yourself in your imagination taking positive, aggressive, intelligent action toward solving a problem or reaching a goal. * We can choose our own thoughts and even choose our own self-image

3 Brains

* The Brain Stem or Reptilian Brain * The Limbic System or Mammalian Brain * The Neocortex or Thinking Brain

interpersonal intelligence

* The ability to understand other people: what motivates them, how they work, how to work cooperatively with them.

take risks

* The goal is not to avoid failure. * No matter what the outcome, life will go on. * Everything will be okay * Realizing this gives you license to fail. * Which gives you license to try. * Which is something most people never do. * Most people stick with the comfortable option * You'll regret the chances you didn't take more than the ones you did

Stop criticizing yourself

* The inhibited person indulges in self-critical analysis continually. * Stop tearing yourself apart. * Useful and beneficial feedback works subconsciously, spontaneously, and automatically. * Conscious self-criticism, self-analysis, and introspection is good and useful if undertaken perhaps once a year.

information we receive

* The initial two million pieces pass through filters (through our senses) *Deletion* * Actively omit pieces to allow selective attention to focus on what is important(we decide that). *Distortion* * We actually distort one's experience of reality, thus living, in a sense, in an imaginary world. * Works within bounds of distortion to understand the environment *Generalization* * One brings an overarching conclusion from just one or two experiences. * This can be both a bad and good thing (can produce phobias).

neocortex or thinking brain

* The neocortex, or thinking brain, is the part of the brain that makes us most human. It is the home of all our higher intelligences. It is responsible for critical thinking, reasoning, language, and our ability to conceive abstractly. * Three parts are the visual cortex, the auditory cortex, and the somatosensory cortex. * The fact that different kinds of memories are stored in different parts of the brain means that anything we learn will be stored more deeply if we learn it using multiple senses.

self image

* The way in which we see ourselves and what we are capable of. * Each of us carries within us a mental blueprint or picture of ourselves * Human beings always act and feel and perform in accordance with what they imagine to be true about themselves and their environment. * It is literally impossible to really think positively about a particular situation, as long as you hold a negative concept of self. * People are literally hypnotized by their own self-images.

emotional worry

* The worrying mind spins on in an endless loop of low-grade melodrama * Worry is a rehearsal of what might go wrong and how to deal with it * The first step is self-awareness * Stop worrying by shifting attention away. * Catching the worrisome episodes as near their beginning as possible * Apply relaxation methods the moment they recognize the worry beginning (practice daily)

your past does not equal your future

* Things do not have meaning. * We assign meaning to everything * You can CHOOSE the meaning to everything that happens to you in the future.

two brain speeds - slow

* Thinks very slow, this is System * Problem solving, reasoning and deliberating * In charge of doubting and unbelieving * Doesn't jump to conclusions * Requires mental effort to evaluate those heuristics and can cause errors. (many skip slow thinking) * Because thinking slow takes so much effort we have evolved to think fast where we can. * How hard it works determines its accuracy * Required to get the exact number * People who are more anxious will use System 2 * Slow conscious thought Considers judgments, choices and rationalizes emotions

brain stem or reptilian brain

* This is the part of the brain that is responsible for survival and basic vital life functions. The brain stem controls autonomic bodily functions, such as breathing, heart rate, and blood pressure. * When reptilian brain takes over, and we have very little access to our higher brain functions, such as reasoning and critical thinking. * First, we tend to freeze, then flee, and finally fight, if there are no other options. While this was a great strategy thousands of years ago, it's not so great now. * If you have ever gone blank during a quiz or exam, it is most likely because you became anxious or stressed for some reason and then literally could not think clearly.

Build Yourself a Quiet Room in Your Mind

* To be practiced for at least 30 minutes daily * Relax, Seat yourself comfortably in an easy chair or lie down on your back. * Consciously "let go" the various muscle groups as much as possible without making too much of an effort of it. * You can stop frowning,let your forehead relax, ease up a little on the tension in your jaws. Relax your body. (Min 5) * Mental Picture, just go back in memory to some relaxing and pleasant scene from your past. Remember with 5 senses. The more detail the better. * Daily practice will bring these mental pictures or memories clearer and clearer. * Make it safe place in your head, add detail

intrapersonal intelligence

* Turned inward to form an accurate model of oneself and to be able to use that model to operate effectively in life.

energy to solutions

*Take that energy and focus it on the solution.* * Identify your problems, but give your power and energy to solutions. * Surmounting difficulty is the crucible that forms character. * Difficult things don't have to be avoided but rather seen as an obstacle that you have to overcome

problems

* We are like a problem-seeking turret. * When we see a problem, we only make it bigger and bigger in our minds. * Focusing on problems and enlarging them comes naturally. * Without problems we would not grow. * Be brave and accept these gifts that come your way. * It is important to recognize them and identify them. * Don't give your power and energy to them because this will only increase them. * A chief cause of unhappiness is taking things personally that are not personal at all. * Your opinion can add to unhappy events * Life is a series of problems.

basic fears

* We are not good enough * Our _needs won't be met * Worry about what others will think. *Focus on where you want to go, not on what you fear*

social intelligence - physically attunement

* We unconsciously imitate the emotions we see displayed by someone else * How awkward or comfortable you feel with someone is at some level physical. * You need to have compatible timing, to coordinate your movements, to feel comfortable. * Synchrony reflects the depth of engagement between the partners; * If you're highly engaged, your moods begin to mesh, whether positive or negative.

step out of the comfort zone

* When trying new things, taking risks, and succeeding or failing without an existential crisis, people notice. * You appear unshakeable. * You are undaunted by the fear of failure that controls their lives. * People flock to this self-assuredness.

confidence flow

* When we first begin any undertaking, we have little confidence (no experience) *It doesn't matter how many times you have failed in the past. * What matters is the successful attempt, remembered, reinforced, and dwelt on. * Important technique is to form the habit of remembering past successes and forgetting failures.

anchoring

* When you anchor something, you associate one, completely different thing, with a specific experience. * In Pavlov's dogs' case, they associated the ringing bell with the experience of eating and feeling nourished. * You can squeeze your ear and think about how happy you were over and over. * After a while, when you squeeze your ear, you'll feel that happiness once again without even trying. * You can actually alter your current mood by traveling, via your anchor, to a different state of mind.

control worry

* When you worry you first picture an undesirable future outcome or goal very vividly in your imagination. * We are worriers because we practice worrying until we become adept at it * We habitually indulge in negative imagery out of the past and in anticipating the future. * Use it to worry about your success instead of negative imagery

mental pictures

* Your nervous system cannot tell the difference between an imagined experience and a "real" one. * Your nervous system reacts appropriately to what you think or imagine to be true. * Mental pictures offer us an opportunity to practice new traits and attitudes, which otherwise we could not do. * Mental practice is as powerful as actual practice. * Your options in this visualization are limited only by your imagination.

how creative mechanism works

* automatically steer you in the right direction to achieve certain goals * Two General Types of Servo-Mechanisms (1) where the target, goal, or "answer" is known and the objective is to reach it or accomplish it; (2) where the target or "answer" is not known and the objective is to discover or locate it. * self-guided torpedo or the interceptor missile * Small changes to feedback (failures) * must "know" the target* * When "you" select the goal and trigger it into action, an automatic mechanism takes over.* * The "hopper" to your success mechanism can handle only one job at a time.

focus only on the here and now

* evaluate progress, and construct plans * consciously practice the habit of "taking no anxious thought for tomorrow" * creative mechanism cannot function or work tomorrow—or even a minute from now * Your creative mechanism will react appropriately in the now if you pay attention to what is happening now * You will have a far more enjoyable life and be a far more effective individual if you learn to mentally s-l-o-w yourself down enough to savor your experiences.

Conquering Fear - NO FEAR

*(N)ever Give Up* *(O)bstacles into Opportunities* * They are there to see who really wants it. * Turning obstacles into opportunities, however, requires facing a fear. * (F)ocus on the process, not the product.* * We can't predict the future; we can only get ready for the unpredictable. *R(E)-Focus* * If you show me someone who can let go of mistakes and refocus, I'll show you someone who is mentally tough. * Perfectionism is just another word for insanity. *(A)ttitude* * The brain is a muscle; the more we work on our attitude and how we view events, the better we become at viewing events as challenges rather than threats. *(R)espond, Don't React* * We are our vision or our circumstance. * When we respond, however, it is devoid of emotion. * Anger, control, and fear are all reactions, most of which we have little control over. * It is more important to focus on how we respond. Can we bounce back?

creative mechanism - goals

*A torpedo* * You supply the goal by thinking, in terms of end results (present possibility). which activates the mechanism * The possibility of the goal must be seen so clearly that it becomes real to your brain and nervous system. * The goals it works on are up to you. * Whatever you focus or dwell on * It is very important that the automatic mechanism be given true facts concerning the environment.(Solution-Oriented Therapy) * . Ignore Past Failures and Forge Ahead

self-acceptance drill

*Apply these three principles everyday* * Take time to relax and destress. * Make notes, even written notes, of your accomplishments and progress toward your goals. * A written "success diary" is a very simple tool for building a stronger self-image. *Create a visualization* * A mental picture or two to call up and assist you when confronted by unjust criticism, "catty" remarks, or other attacks on your self-image. * Give Yourself a Spiritual Facelift * Emotional scars must be "cut out," or eradicated.

habit components

*Belief* * For habits to permanently change, people must believe that change is feasible. *Craving* * This turns into a craving as our mind anticipates the reward, we expect it * Cravings are what drive habits. * Figure out how to spark a craving makes creating a new habit easier. *Cue* * To change a habit, you must keep the old cue, and deliver the old reward, but insert a new routine. *Routine* * If you use the same cue, and provide the same reward, you can shift the routine and change the habit. * How it works: use the same cue. provide the same reward. change the routine. *Reward* * Over time, this loop—cue, routine, reward; cue, routine, reward—becomes more and more automatic.

NLP(Neuro-Linguistic Programming) Strategy - DUCI

*Detect* * When one observes another person who finds consistent success. * One can analyze that person's particular strategies on his road to his goal. *Utilize* * One can steal that successful person's strategy, assimilating it to one's needs. * One can replicate the successful persons' intricate strategy, thus producing similar outcomes. * One does not have to proceed through trial and error; instead, one can simply copy and reach one's goal much sooner.* *Change* * One can alter the initial utilization of another person's strategy in order to create more effect with regards to one's goals.* * Another person's strategy is not always suited for one's complete, personal goal.* *Install* * One can actually create new strategies in one's self in order to excel in a world of peers.* * One can assist one's peers to create personalized strategies, thus pushing along goodwill and blossoming strategy.*

healthy self-image

*Do not bruise easily* * We do not cure a sick or weak ego by beating it down, undermining it, or making it even weaker through self-abnegation or trying to become selfless. * The cure for self-centeredness, self-concern, "egotism" and all the ills that go with it is the development of a healthy, strong ego by building up self-esteem. * When a person has adequate self-esteem, little slights offer no threat at all; they are simply passed over and ignored. * When you habitually personalize every slight, every overheard conversation, even things you read or hear in media, you reveal a thin-skinned self-image with the weakest of immunities..

habit process

*Identify The Routine* * To understand your own habits, you need to identify the components of your loops. *Experiment With Rewards* * Rewards are powerful because they satisfy cravings. * To figure out which cravings are driving particular habits, it's useful to experiment with different rewards. * As you test four or five different rewards, you can use an old trick to look for patterns * After each activity, jot down on a piece of paper the first three things that come to mind when you get back to your desk. * First, it forces a momentary awareness of what you are thinking or feeling. * writing down a few words helps in later recalling what you were thinking at that moment. * Once you've figured out the routine and the reward, what remains is identifying the cue. *Isolate The Cue* * Experiments have shown that almost all habitual cues fit into one of five categories: * Location, Time * Emotional state * Other people Immediately preceding action *Have A Plan* * you've identified the reward driving your behavior, the cue triggering it, and the routine itself * you can begin to shift the behavior. * You can change to a better routine by planning for the cue and choosing a behavior that delivers the reward you are craving. * we need to begin making choices again. * And the easiest way to do this, according to study after study, is to have a plan.

subconscious

*Our Creative Mechanism* * does not "think out" all its errors in advance, and attempt to correct them in advance. * It must act first, start moving toward the goal, then correct any errors that may occur. * Automatic Success Mechanism or Failure Mechanism (goal-striving mechanism)* * It is conscious thinking that is the "control knob" of your unconscious machine. * Sometimes this "stored data" can remain in control long after any truth or usefulness has evaporated. * Will work to achieve goals of success and happiness, or unhappiness and failure. * Think of the solution you want to find, and given time, your subconscious will find it * When this solution is served up to your consciousness at unexpected moments

visualization on success

*Play with the idea of complete and inevitable success* * Don't force yourself * Worry about the the positive goal instead of the undesirable goal * Just suppose such and such a thing happens, over and over to yourself. * Next, comes mental imagery.* * As pictures become more and more real to you, appropriate feelings begin to manifest themselves

anchoring -RACE

*Recall* * Recall a past experience(vivid, emotional). * One must completely convince one's self that one is living in that moment. *Anchor* * Retain it by associating the positive memory and feeling with a certain, incredibly unique stimulus. * This stimulus can come in any form: it can be rooted in visual, kinesthetic, or auditory exchanges. * An example comes in the form of pinching one's self lightly on the elbow or tucking one's thumb inside one's fist. * Any little action works for the stimulus.* *Change* * When one sets the anchor to align with the happy, positive emotion, one must change one's state.* * One must think of something completely unrelated. * Ask the question * "What shoe did I put on first this morning?" or * "What did I have for dinner last night?" and allow one's self to answer it.* * After one has linked the emotion and the stimulus, the line must be broken so as not to associate anything else with the unique stimulus.* *Evoke* * Test out one's stimulus and its affect on one's emotions. * Bring one's stimulus to attention and make sure that the desired emotions fold from this stimulus. *Tips* * Make the anchor as strong as possible * Linked with an incredibly intense * Release the stimulus before emotion falls away * The stimulus must retain complete unique qualities

remove automatic negative thoughts

*Recognition* * Automatic thoughts are created without reason and not realistic to surrounding world. *Confront* * challenge these automatic thoughts. * Past does not equal future * Jumping to conclusions / exaggeration. * Focusing on negative instead of positive *Substitute* * substitute rational responses for your automatic thoughts. *Create Your Own Self-Portrait* * Alter your reality from this Self-Inventory * Take a self-inventory and imagine your very best self. * Change the meaning of the past by bringing new ideas down your neural pathways. * You can train your brain to remember only the made-up understanding of an event rather than the past, actual event.

emotions with relationships

*Recognizing emotions in others* * People who are empathic are more attuned to the subtle social signals that indicate what others need or want. *Handling relationships in others* * Skill in managing emotions in others. * Abilities that undergird popularity, leadership, and interpersonal effectiveness. * Underlying basis for our level of ability is, no doubt, neural, but as we will see, the brain is remarkably plastic, constantly learning. * Lapses in emotional skills can be remedied:

failure

*Success is buried on the other side of rejection * I believe life is constantly testing us for our level of commitment * You'll never be successful if you are afraid of rejection. * So don't let rejection stop you from doing what you want to do, just keep doing it and it will finally pay off. * All my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy. * Now when something does not work, I simply realize that this is not the result that I wanted and I CAN change that by doing something else.