Small Talk

Do not ask closed-ended questions

A closed-ended question can be answered in a short or single-word answer. They are used to obtain facts and specific pieces of information. Examples of closed-ended questions are: "Who will you choose?" "What brand of car do you own?" "Did you speak to Bob?" "Did Susan leave with Jim?" "Who finished the cake?" Closed-ended questions bring conversations to a halt. They do not invite or encourage people to elaborate, talk about themselves, or give the questioner any detailed information.

open-ended question

An open-ended question is a question that requires a full answer, using the subject's own knowledge or feelings. These questions are objective, do not lead the person being asked, and result in an answer that requires an explanation.[1] Examples of open-ended questions include: "What happened after I left?" "Why did Jim leave before Susan?" "What did you do at work today?" "What do you think about the new season of this TV show?"

Try funneling questions

For this method, start with questions with a narrow focus, then transition to broad and open detail-type questions. This method is good if you are trying to get specific details from someone. It also works if you are trying to get someone interested in a topic, or trying to get someone to feel more confident.[6] If you are struggling to get the person to open up with broad open-ended questions, try narrowing the questions first and then make them broader after getting them into the conversation.[7] An example of this would be when talking to your kids. You might ask a question like "What happened at school today?" "Nothing" is the response. Follow-up with something like, "What writing assignments are you working on?" More than likely, this will spark a conversation.

Know the language of open-ended questions

Open-ended questions or statements begin with the following words: why, how, what, describe, explain, tell me about..., or what do you think about...

FORD

Small talk openers F - Family O - Occupation R - Recreation D - Dreams

Recognize the characteristics of open-ended questions.

Sometimes, people think they have asked open-ended questions when they have not. To successfully ask open-ended questions in conversation, be knowledgeable of the characteristics of an open-ended question. They require a person to pause, think, and reflect. Answers, typically, will not be facts, but personal feelings, opinions, or ideas about a subject. When using open-ended questions, the control of the conversation switches over to the person being asked the question, which begins an exchange between people. If the control of the conversation stays with the person asking questions, you are asking closed-ended questions. This technique makes it feel more like an interview or interrogation than a conversation.[2] Avoid questions that have the following characteristics:answers that provide factseasy to answer questionsanswers that can be given quickly and require little to no thought.[3] Questions that reflect these things are closed-ended.

follow up

Use open-ended questions as follow ups for other questions. These follow ups can be asked after open or closed-ended questions. Ask "why" and "how" to follow up and gain a lengthier answer after asking a closed-ended question. When someone has finished talking, ask them an open-ended question that refers to what they just said, or is related to what they just said. This keeps the conversation flowing in an open and engaging way.