Conflict and Communication Ch 5

when avoidance is useful

1. open communication is not an integral part of the system 2. one does not want to invest the energy to work through the conflict to reach agreement 3. the costs of confrontation are too high 4. one simply hasn't learned how to engage in collaborative conflict management

explanations for voilence

1. violent responses are learned 2. culture that insists men are right 3. lack of communication skills

3 conflict styles

Avoiding, Dominating, Compromising

Avoiding a conflict

Does not prevent it. Conflict occurs when parties have th perception of incompatible goals, regardless of the style they choose to use in responding to this perception.

dominating

a dominating, competitive, or "power over" style is characterized by aggressive and uncooperative behavior - pursuing your own concerns at the expense of another. try to gain power by direct confrontation, by trying to win the argument without adjusting to the others goals and desires

postponement

a tactic works best when several conditions are present. the emotional content of the conflict needs to be acknowledged while other issues are deferred to a later time.

compromise

an intermediate style resulting in some gains and some losses for each party. it is moderately assertive and cooperative. Give a little and get a little. it requires trade-offs and exchanges. people avoid it because something valuable has to be given up.

violence

any verbal or physical strategy that attempts to convince, control, or compel others to your point of view. almost 20% of people report suffering a violent episode in the prior year of their romantic relationship

advantages of avoidance

can supply time to think of some other response to the conflict, since some people cant think on their feet. can also keep one from harm if there may be a negative response

Avoidance

characterized by denial of the conflict, changing and avoiding topics, being noncommittal, and joking rather than dealing with the conflict. The avoider my sidestep the issue by changing the topic or simply withdrawing from dealing with the issue

integrating or collaborating

demands the most constructive engagement of any conflict style. shows a high level of concern for one's own goals, the goals of others and the successful solution of the problem. and enhancement of the relationship. Ends when both parties are reasonably satisfied.

disadvantages

dominating responses can harm the relationship. tends to be either you are against me or with me mentality

verbal aggressiveness and verbal abuse

forms of communication violence. using character attacks, insults, ridicule, and profanity.

bullying

is ongoing, persistent badgering, harassment and psychological terrorizing that demoralizes, dehumanizes, and isolates

disadvantages of obliging

obliging can foster an undertone of competitiveness if people develop a pattern of showing each other how nice they can be.

disadvantages of integrating

one can become imprisoned in it. can be used to manipulate

conflict styles

patterned response, or clusters of behavior, that peole use in conflict

obliging

same as accommodation. person does not assert individual needs but prefers a cooperative and harmonizing approach. the individual sets aside his or her concerns in favor of pleasing the other people involved.

being stuck

stuck in a personal style because of early family experiences and gender identity

assertive vs. aggressive

tactics can be employed in an assertive rather than aggressive way, but usually aggression creeps in. assertive people enhance the self, work toward achieving desired goals, and are expressive.

patterns of voilence

tenet 1. physical aggression is almost always preceded by verbal aggression. tenet 2:intimate violence is usually reciprocal 3.women and children suffer many more injuries 4. victims of abuse are in no-win situations 5 perpetrators and victims have discrepant narratives about violence

interaction dynamics

the interlocking interaction of two or more people determines the outcome of the conflict. the outcome is the joint product of both choices, not the result of some inherent personality trait.

stonewalling and avoidance

two different approaches - stonewalling is a hostile tactic

advantages of dominating

useful when one has to take quick, decisive action, such as in an emergency. can be used to demonstrate to the other party the importance of the issue.

advantages of integrating

works well to find a collaborative solution that will satisfy both parties. it generates new ideas, shows respect for the other party, and gains commitment to the solution from both parties.

the avoid/criticize loop

you avoid bringing up an issue to people directly and spend time talking about them to others. quite common in professional circles and the business world