Conflict management com4462 Study Guide

List ways to effectively control your anger and express it in constructive ways

* use your S-TLC skills * Use "I" messages *try to avoid raising your voice Keep your body language as open as you can by leaning forward and using nonverbal indicators to show you are listening *keep conflict focused on 1 issue, & don't add add'l issues to the conflict, it will make you angrier. *calming our emotional reaction, we can choose how we respond to anger expressed by others. p. 195

Apply at least 2 different creative methods to the analysis of a particular conflict you are experiencing

**Preparation stage: all previous learning as well as ay information you gather to address the problem at hand. **Incubation stage-period of thinking about the problem- giving it time to shape and form. **illumination stage: occurs when a particular idea finally appears in response to the problem. **verification stage: allows you to test whether the creative response you have come upon truly works. p92

Explain the steps in the violence and chilling effect cycles. p109

1 person in a relationship withholds grievances from the other, usually due to fear of alienating the other person or fear of the other person's severe reaction. Includes element of fear. Steps: ** prelude to conflict may include a history of messages from the feared partner that suggested ending the relationship, or a history of highly charged responses to relatively small conflicts. perceived by fearful partner as a negative effect. **when a triggering event is perceived, fearful partner must consider whether the conflict is worth the effort it may take to deal with it. generally decides its not. ** conflict is not dealt with. **unresolved grievances leads to a decrease in a commitment in the relationship. **after several cycles of unresolved conflicts and decreased commitment, partner may simple cycle out of the relationship altogether. p116

Identify the three most common communication approaches to the study of interpersonal violence p117

1. Communicator Personality Trait- members of the relationship are viewed as individual communicators, each with personality traits. CPT is tied to a particular setoff beliefs (dogmatist, closed minded person unwilling to consider other sets of beliefs) Verbally abusive personality, intends to dominate, hostile. They insult, poke fun at people etc. 2. Communication cognitions- consists of beliefs, perceptions, attributions, violent prone dispositions. 3. Communication interaction -Escalating antagonism between person A and person B. p118-120

List and describe the steps of mediation 254

1. INTAKE PROCESS- one or both disputants seek mediation, or a mediator talks them into it 2. OPENING STATEMENT- mediator bring the disputants together, provides a list of rules that govern the mediation, and makes an opening statement 3. DESCRIBE DISPUTE- next, each person is asked to take a few minuets to describe the dispute rom his point of view w/o interruption. 4. COMMON GROUND - mediator finds common ground on which to build agreement. 5. FINAL AGREEMENT - mediator writes up he final agreement. 6. CLOSE OF MEDIATION- mediator ends the mediation. p254-256

List the 6 steps in constructive confrontation

1. Preparation: Identify your problems/needs/issues. 2. Arrange for a time and place to meet and talk. 3. Interpersonal confrontation: Talk to the other person about your problem. 4. Consider your partner's point of view: Listen, empathize, and respond with understanding. 5. Resolve the problem: Make a mutually satisfying agreement. 6. Follow Up on the solution: Set a time limit for reevaluation. p84

confrontation steps

1. Preparation: Identify your problems/needs/issues. 2. Arrange for a time and place to meet and talk. 3. Interpersonal confrontation: Talk to the other person about your problem. 4. Consider your partner's point of view: Listen, empathize, and respond with understanding. 5. Resolve the problem: Make a mutually satisfying agreement. 6. Follow Up on the solution: Set a time limit for reevaluation. p84

Three types of Informal roles:

1. Task Roles-help the group or organization achieve instrumental goals, maintenance roles that facilitate relationship goals such as communication and resolution of conflict, or disruptive roles that keep the group from achieving its task.

working on the management of conflict by

1. look for factors that might strengthen positive attitudes towards alternatives to the conflict. Ex. alt. that are less costly and painful. 2. recognize the factors that create pain for the participants in the current situation. realize that continuing with status quo increases pain and suffering 3. look for factors that make destructive conflict less attractive and peace more so. p309

Describe the 3 primary considerations that should influence your choice of a conflict communication option. ch2

1. occasion 2. other person 3. your needs p49-50

Steps towards forgiveness and reconciliation:

1. the account and the apology 2. acceptance of account and apology or its absence 3. forgiveness may or may not be communicated 4. transforming the relationship, if desired 5. actions that confirm forgiveness and reconciliation p213-214

Describe the role played by an imbalance of power in conflict situation and explain how to equalize power.134

141

Describe the role played by competition in a conflict situation and explain how to encourage cooperation 134

141

groupthink

149

Abilene Paradox

149 while people disagree with the decision being made (along with others) they do not voice their opinion and just go along with the decision.

Describe six ways to generate more options p232

232 generating more options helps find mutual satisfactory solutions. 1. Brainstorming-process that requires you, the other party, and anyone else you can involve in the process to list all possible solutions, irrespective of their initial feasibility. works when everyone feels free to say whatever comes to mind. 2. focus on interests rather than positions - shift perspective from their position to their interests. Interests and positions? positions as final part of an I-Statement (the goal part of the statement-what you want). usually one can take only one position. the "Interest" , think of it as needs that are satisfied by a number of different positions because they function at a more abstract or higher level. 3. Cost Cutting - 4. Compensation-occurs when Party A provides something of value *often monetary* to Party B to make up for losses caused by A's behavior or that result from A's demands. 5. Prioritizing-(sometimes referred to as logrolling) is a process in which each can have items 1 and 2 on your list if I can have the top two items on my list. 6. Base Decisions on Objective Criteria-guidelines we apply across a variety of situations to ensure fairness. p. 234-236

Compare and contrast three conflict situations using the repair sequence: 1 where you offer an account, 1 where you make a concession, and another where you offer an apology 157

Compare /Contrast: 1. account compare: an explanation for behavior when questioned. When a person is challenged on an issue and must respond. Accounts serve as important function, they explain how people interpret the situation at hand. May take the form of EXCUSES Contrast: choose to offer justification - which diminishes the meaning of the offense rather than diffuse it. 2. concession compare: admits offender's guilt and offer restitution. often done in combo with excuses or apologies 3. apology -admissions of blameworthiness or regret on part of the offender. p168

Explain why violence is not a fact of life.

Conflict is inevitable but violence is a choice. Notion of choice applies to interpersonal violence in 2 ways. First, when we turn to violence or others use violence against us, people are using force to prevent others' freedom of choice. Second, notion of choice should help us realize that we need not turn violent in the first place. p122.

Distinguish relational transgressions from other types of problematic situations p204

Core rules of the relationship are violated, leaving high emotional residues. Core relational rules define our expectations about the way we should behave toward others as well as the way they should behave toward us. Every relationship has its rules that can't be violated w/o calling the relationship itself into question. this is why relational transgressions are so difficult to forgive. the violator has abused loved one or cheated on romantic partners and lied to them or to friends. they committed acts that produce highly emotional residue where people experience lingering emotional, cognitive, and behavioral response to the memory of the transgression. following relational transgressions, conflicting partners may become consumed with un-forgiveness and the desire to seek revenge. p219

Explain what it means to take a creative approach to resolving conflicts **four stages in creative process.

Creative approach is a process of making sense of some problem in a new way. Can develop mutually satisfying outcomes in conflict situations when you and the other party approach your conflicts creatively. p92

Describe the role played by defensive behaviors in a conflict situation and explain how to engage and encourage supportive behaviors 146 DEFENSIVE VS. SUPPORTIVE CLIMATES Tab. 6.1 p146 Defensiveness Arises from: evaluation, control, strategy, neutrality, superiority, certainty Supportiveness Arises from: description, problem orientation, spontaneity, empathy, equality, provisionalism p147

Defensive behaviors - consist of evaluation, control, strategy, neutrality, superiority, and certainty Supportive behaviors - involve non-judgmental description, problem orientation, spontaneity, empathy, equality, and provisionalism. In defensive behavior - the person receiving the defense feels threatened, attacked, harmful climate, instead of supportive encouraging non hostile and open. p146 Evaluation: praise and blame Control refers to attempts to dominate another's behavior, problem orientation focus on issue rather preserving ones' power over another strategy - motives and agendas, spontaneity is straightforward, unplanned, captures spirit of the moment neutrality refers to lack of concern for welfare of others, while empathy involves taking interest in others Superiority means "pulling rank" on others, equality - expresses a desire to cooperate & invites participation Certainty appears dogmatic because it referes to statements to consist of "all or "every" such as "you always do that to me", provisionalism - suggest tentativeness, a desire to one's judgment until all the facts are in.

Explain how the concept of defensive behavior differs from that of power imbalance

Defensive behaviors are associate with anyone whether in positions of authority or not. Consistent with feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, fear, or uncertainty that make one turn defensive in a threatening situation. Defensive behavior sometimes associated with people in positions of power, such as evaluation *criticizing, control *being dominating, neutrality *lacking interest in subordinate's problems, and superiority *pulling rank, defensive behaviors may appear irrespective of power. They are more consistently associated with feelings of inadequacy, insecurity, fear, or uncertainty that make one turn defensive in a threatening situation. p152

Explain which relational transgressions are hardest to forgives 202

Each relationship has its core rules that cannot be violated without calling the relationship itself into question. Violaters have abused loved ones or cheated on romantic partners and lied to them or to friends. committed acts that produce highly emotional residues where people experience lingering emotional, cognitive, and behavioral responses to the memory of the transgression.

Correctly create a four part I-statement p90 Example: FS: I feel annoyed. PB: When I have to put gas in the car when you use it. CS: Because I end up having to take the time to get gas. GS: I'd like for you to get gas when you use my car.

Effective I-Statements, I feel...when I...because I (think,believe)...I'd like (want,wish)... Table 4.3 p.90 1. Feelings Statement: description of your feelings (sad, angry, neglected, surprised). Important to link our feelings to situations. 2. Problematic behavior statement: description of the offensive, selfish, incorrect behavior (the other saying something insulting, nasty, leaving clothes all over the room, forgetting important date) 3. Consequences Statement: description of consequences problematic behavior has for you or others (you can lose friends, parents get angry, wastes your time) Why you want the other person to change his or her behavior? (because...) 4. Goal Statement: description of what you want specifically (one may want the other to appear on time) It states what you want. (demand, require and or else). p91

I-statements

Effective I-Statements, I feel...when I...because I (think,believe)...I'd like (want,wish)... Table 4.3 p.90 1. Feelings Statement: description of your feelings (sad, angry, neglected, surprised). Important to link our feelings to situations. 2. Problematic behavior statement: description of the offensive, selfish, incorrect behavior (the other saying something insulting, nasty, leaving clothes all over the room, forgetting important date) 3. Consequences Statement: description of consequences problematic behavior has for you or others (you can lose friends, parents get angry, wastes your time) Why you want the other person to change his or her behavior? (because...) 4. Goal Statement: description of what you want specifically (one may want the other to appear on time) It states what you want. (demand, require and or else). p91

Distinguish between competitive and cooperative negotiation and explain when each approach is most appropriate226

Ex: when buying products from strangers competitive negotiation is an exchange in which one starts high, concedes slowly, exaggerates the value of one's concessions, conceals information, argues forcefully, and outwaits the other. but with family, friends, romantic partners, and work colleagues, its best to see the situation as cooperative. Cooperative negotiation is an integrative form that combines formal bargaining techniques with many skills taught earlier in the book based on basic interpersonal communication skills such as "effective listening, assertiveness, supportive communication, and collaboration".. In these cases, skilled conflict managers strive for a win-win outcome. Such out-comes are more likely to occur when the parties trust each other and the situation is one in which mutually satisfactory outcomes are possible, even though the parties may not know that at the outset.

Distinguish forgiveness from forgetting and reconciliation 209

Forgiveness Reconciliation is a behavioral process in which we take actions to restore a relationship or create a new one following forgiveness. Once we forgive the other for the relational transgression, we do not have to reconcile unless we want to. We may wish to forgive at a distance & not communicate our forgiveness to the transgressor, or we may decide that we wish to reestablish a relationship or create a new one, so we choose to reconcile. p208 1column Forgiveness is a cognitive process that consists of letting go of feelings of revenge and desires to retaliate, reconciliation is a behavioral process in which we take actions to restore a relationship or create a new one. p. 209 2 column bottom (working through forgiveness & reconciliation)

Explain the advantages of forgiveness and reconciliation following relational transgressions p206

Forgiveness is linked to both mental & physical benefits. Teaching people about forgiveness and training them in "forgiveness strategies" helped... 1. increase recovery from divorce (restoring positive feeling about oneself, etc) 2. decreased feelings of guilt, and decreased feelings of depression and anxiety. 3. forgiveness intervention has been effective in reducing depression and anxiety, raising self esteem and feelings of hope & lowering depression and anxiety for incest survivors. 4. physical benefits - sleep better, pain threshold is better, blood pressure lowers

Describe the difference between formal and informal mediation

Formal -offers a practical application of many skills taught in undergraduate interpersonal communication and conflict management courses.

developmental stages a workgroup moves through

Forming phase-tremendous amount of unfamiliarity w/group members and what they bring o it creates some conflicts over expectations. Stroming phase-occurs as people begin to feel some identification with the group but don't feel a sense of unity around its purpose. norming stage phases - a sense of unity emerges as members begin to replicate functions and group norms become observable performing phase-conflict serve to focus individuals on accomploishing team goals and reaching consensus. At this point, there are clear expectaitions regarding problem-solving behaviors that are focused on goal attainment final phase of group development is... termination-individuals may not agree over when a task ends, who may be let go, and when the group should stop meeting. UNLESS the team can effectively manage conflict in all phases, the sum of the conflicts may be greater than the team's capacity to be effective. 288

Explain the difference between positive face and autonomous face p160

Positive face is our belief that we are likable and worthy of other's respect. positive face management occurs when we work to get other people to like and respect us. Autonomous face is that part of us that wants some independence, privacy, recognition for our contributions, or time alone. alone time face: p160

Determine whether you are anger-in, anger-out, or anger-controlling

anger in-don't express the anger to the person that has upset them. avoiders and accommodators or people suffering from the chilling effect cycle. hard time admitting they are angry. passive aggressive p190 ventilation approach, - vent their anger to others. p190 anger out-quick to express their anger vocally or physically to the person who upsets them. automatic reactions, quick to criticize, blame, accuse, minor aggressive acts like bickering, verbal abuse, physical aggression, force, violence. anger controllers - assertive individuals who don't let their feeling control how they respond in conflict situations. still get it off their chests but do it in more constructive ways. think positively about conflict and try techniques to better manage it. collaborate and work together, compromise, manage anger by expressing it effectively (before, during, and after interacting w/others. p 192-193

Describe work-life conflict

between one's personal life and the demands of work exist in two directions: the outside responsibility may interfere with one's job performance, or the job may interfere with one's adequately managing a responsibility outside of work. p282 3 conflicts may arise from interference of work and life demands: CONFLICT DUE TO TIME LIMTATIONS - hyperstres. learn to say no, prioritize one's schedule, ask for more flexibility. CONFLICTS DUE TO INTERFERENCE BETWEEN ROLES AT WORK AND HOME - put limitations (no ans of email/txts on days off or weekend CONFLICTS THAT ARISE WHEN BEHAVIORS PPROPRIATE TO ONE ROLE CARRY OVER TO ANOTHER WHERE THAY ARE NOT APPROPRIATE. - inappropriate context, occasion, behavior What can be done? flex-account policies, personal leave day to count as sick days offer employees options for better balancing demands of work, flexibility of working hours, vacation time elder care etc. supportive coworkers

applying Theory to conflicts

both critical and ripeness theory suggest some methods for dealing w/conflict over intractable issues. success can be achieved by approaching someone who is other - different - in ways that are honoring to that person and in using communication that is non violent in nature. p309 Hitler's worldview-legitimate...

Explain an intractable issue using critical theory

conflict manager examines his own assumptions about the conflict. where do his sympathies lie? how do his values impact the way the conflict is viewed? plus, look for ways in which people are allowed access to the expression of their ideas on the conflict. Does 1 groups have more right to efine theconflict than the other group? author argues that media coverage crowds demonstrating with respect to a particular issue often can frame public reaction to them. Negative terms (riot) rather tthan neutrally (demonstration) or positively (people power) p. 308

Civility

constituted by an attitude of respect toward others manifested in our behavior toward them; p21

Describe diversity-based conflict 280

culture, ethnic I.D., and race have powerful influence on what we believe and how we behave. When people with different heritages find that these difference clash, we have diversity-based conflict. working world is becoming more diverse, different attitude and practices come into conflict with one another. . conflict from perceived differences between group members may result in negative effects; on the other hand, those difference may enhance the information and perspective available to group members. p 281

Explain an intractable issue using ripeness theory

definition: the theory is a means of accounting for and addressing intractable issues. As is name, this theory focuses on rieness, a condition that is linked to one side's decision to negotiate with the other in a conflict. proponents of the theory argue that, when conflict particpants realize that the path they are following produces PAIN, they look for ways to reduce the pain. if less painful alt. is found, the parties seek the alt. out. RIPENESS -- occurs when participants in a conflict realize that they are involved in a MUTUALLY HURTING STALEMATE) p309

confrontation

interpersonal conflict communication process in which the parties call attention to problems or issues as they occur between them and express their feelings, beliefs, and wants to one another. p84 Because of the potential benefits, need to know how to confront others about conflicts that eat away our relationships. p84 There are six confrontation process. p84

relationship issues

involves rules, norms, and boundaries that partners have tacitly or overly agreed on. (a friend who decides to change the friendship to romantic one but the other is caught off guard and want to remain friends. p30

process ex: of NOT a process view: happy couple divorced person ex-convict *suggests people do not change

is dynamic, ongoing, and continuous (not static, at rest, or fixed) evolutionary in nature viewing objects, people, events, and social situations as process mean that we understand processes have... ** stages or phases of development through growth and deterioration ** consist of continual change over time **have ingredients that interact *affect 1 another* that may or may not lead to the next stage ** they represent some outcome, stage, or state of being (like a pic or a single frame in a film) p11

Explain the role of alcohol and jealousy in the escalation of violence p124

jealousy and alcohol abuse are viewed as contribute in factors to common couple violence. p124

compromising

middle of the road approach, making sure that no one totally wins or loses. parties are settling for a workable solution rather than finding a totally mutually satisfying solution. p. 42

Adversely affect relationships

mismanaged conflicts may do this. meaning, conflicts can make people feel uncomfortable when together, dissatisfied with their partners, lead them to desire change. p5

Explain the role of face and face saving in conflict p157

mutual cooperation involved in projecting face is a principle of interaction that is taken for granted. being able to create and sustain an identity for oneself as well as helping the other person to create and maintain an identity for himself is a fundamental component of communication competence. p158

uncertainty theory p.62

occur at two levels. 1. conflict created uncertainty within the relationship in which it occurs (romantic, partners, contemplate what happened and how they are supposed to relate to each other & exists in different degrees within the particular conflict process itself. UNCERTAINTY-occurs when we have insufficient info to understand another's motives, goals, or behaviors or when we do not know the reasons for another's actions. p63

Interpersonal conflicts

occur with people who are important to us and who we expect to continue seeing or working with in the future. p4

Conditional Reconciliation

occurs when the transgressor communicates some level of regret for the offense and offers an apology. p212

productive conflict distinguished from destructive conflict

on the basis of mutually favorable or unfavorable outcomes. we need to say more about the idea of outcomes, or the results people are seeking to achieve when they engage in conflict. p17

Productive conflict different from destructive

p.16 on the basis of mutually favorable or unfavorable outcomes. we need to say more about the idea of outcomes of other results people seeing achieve when they engage in conflict.

psychodynamic theory

people experience conflict because of the tension arising from their intrapersonal (internal, psychological, emotional, and mental) states. p57

Define worldview and explain its importance

refers to the way 1 interprets the world based on how they were socialized at home, their place of worship, and school. here in America, we can say it's what it means to be an American. p298, 300 it's a composite of all the cultural values, beliefs, and rituals you hold which assists you both in describing what you see & in prescribing what you should do. It's IMPORTANCE: worldviews drive our behavior. bc of their take-for-granted nature, they undeliiiiintratable sues& drivetem by blndin he participants to seing the wolrd in an alternative way. (WACO-branch davidians) differing worldviews leads to conflicts- example: Q: what is a human being? A: person 1-a human being is a divinely created organism reflecting the image of God. A: person 2- human being is a highly evolved animal. ****** Q: what is evil? A: person 1-failing to do God's will. A: person 2-treating oneself and others badly p301

Processual reconciliation

takes place as the offender attempts to remedy the harm done. if reconciliation is desired, the offended person may communicate her forgiveness to the transgressor. p212

Conflicts over tangible issues

tangible resources are physical and observable. Because tangible resources are often scarce, conflict involving such issues take more than basic interpersonal communication skills to resolve, they must be NEGOTIATED. when confronted over a tangible resource, skilled negotiators follow the "MINIMAX" principle to MINIMIZE THEIR LOSSES and MAXIMIZE THEIR GAINS. They start bargaining at a point above their aspiration level but also have a resistance point in mind.. Conflict manager considers his BATNA( which is initially the status quo point) as a standard by which to measure the value of offers from others. Usually make some kind of concessions, so it pays to set a goal higher than one thinks possible to attain. that way if you make concessions, more likely elicit cooperative behavior from the other party than those who make no concessions.

Define mediation and contrast it with the other ADR's

the act or process of mediating between parties, as to effect an agreement or reconciliation. Alternative to dispute resolutions which is like those who are in prison, use their fists and not the heads, there is ADR's: Alternative Dispute Resolutions 1.arbitration-neutral 3rd party considers both sides of dispute and makes a decision. 2.adjudication-neutral judge and jury in the legal system hear attorneys who prosecute or defend people and decide a case 3. ombudsperson - 1 who cuts through the red tape on behalf of individuals who feel abused by the larger system in which they work, study, or seek support 4. Conciliation-neutral 3rd party practices "shuttle diplomacy" by traveling back and forth between conflicting parties who are unable to meet for variety of reasons. 5. Mediation- neutral 3rd party facilitates communication between the conflicting parties so that they may work out their own mutually acceptable agreement. p249

Explain the concept of embrace

the will to give ourselves to others and "welcome" them, to readjust our identities to make space for them...prior to any judgment about others. Thewill to embrace precedes any "truth" aboutothers and any construction of their "justice". p. 311.

instrumental goals

those that require the opponent to "remove a specific obstacle blocking completion of a task" ex: if you want a professor to change a grade you received while not infringing on the professor's power. p80

linear model of communication

using words, sender, receiver, channel, noise, and feedback (phone, IM, email, txt) emphasizies "accuracy" Linear point of view, focus is on the end result, meaning getting the other to change his or her mind or behavior to coincide with our position p9 linear point of view-persuading, controlling, dominating the other

attribution theory

what cause others to blame you for problems? an attribution is an inference or assumption made about the causes of our own or another's behavior. theory states that people act as they do in conflict situations because of the inferences they make about others based on their behavior. p61 internally motivated-because they want to externally motivated- because they are pressured to by others. internal attributions- I can say you acted that way because you are evil, cheat, intended to cheat m. external attributions-I approve of what you did, I chalk it up to run of luck, God, your parents, and so on. Ex: I might credit your spouse for your success at your job. p61

comparison level for alternatives (CLalt)

when the 3rd party enters the picture. may lead the person to examine the relationship & perceive inequity in it, creating conflict p67

behavioral issues

which concern specific and individual actions we can observe such as the way we handle money, time, space etc. p31

competitive negotiations

231

cooperative negotiations

231

List some specific techniques for dealing constructively with hyperstress and distress

Tackling difficult tasks first. then reward yourself anticipating stress-rehearse it first to avoid overreacting. clean your living area or reorganize your work space, get a new job help others, throw a party or diner for friends, volunteering at a charity.181

relational goals

involve attempts to gain power and to establish trust as the relationship between those in the conflict is established. p80

identity goals

how those in the conflict situation view each other. p80

Define BATNA and fractionation. p229

in addition to learning about minimax principle, BATNA *Best Alternative to a Negotiation Agreement), initially batna is your status quo. Batna may change during negotiation but you want it to be better than the status quo point. p230

social exchange theory

states that people evaluate their interpersonal relationship in terms of their value, created by costs and rewards. p66

Processual reconciliation

takes place as the offender attempts to remedy the harm done

vertical thinking

p94

entry point

p95

Ripeness is based on two core motives:

pain and opportunities to escape from pain p309

Explain the difference between nationalism and patriotism

patriotism is "love for one's country" as it is and a willingness to defend it against foreign aggression. Citizens should be patriotic. Nationalism is "love of one's nation...once it has exterminated all its enemies, become totally unified, and achieved its grand purpose of world-historical destiny" a nationalist not only wants world dominance, but believe that his nation is the only one suited to such dominance bc the nationalist think it is to the benefit of everyone. so, nationalism fuels false beliefs and intractable issues. p302

status quo point

position the person occupied before entering the negotiation situation p229

Identify 4 types of stress p178

1. Eustress-good stress short-term stress that encourages us to take more seriously and expend more energy on important activities. Ex: hitters stepping up to the plate 2. hypostress- underload. start feeling anxious bc we/re bored or unchallenged by our situation. solved by being productive 3. hyperstress- overload, pile up of responsibilities. experienced by teachers and students. 4. distress -when we lose control over a situation and the source of the stress is unclear to the individual. related to anxiety, may cause us to suppress real issues. p 178

prioritizing (logrolling)

236 process in which each side grants to the other those issues objects that the other gives top priority.

commonalities

238

control the process

239

Explain key principles that describe how conflicts develop according to each theory

72

Identify the type of conflict explained by each theory

72

List 3 general ways and 3 specific techniques you can use to support another's face during interaction in a conflict situation. 164

Ask: Do I try to make the other..... *feel important? *look good to other people? *think that they are winning? *feel secure? *believe that I am honest and trustworthy? Can support in general way by what we do and what we say. More specifically, specific traits or characteristics the other person perceives of themselves and point out the ones you have in common or support. EX: you like to fish? well so do I. p164

Identify at least three preventative strategies you can use to avoid threatening the other person's face in a conflict situation

Before:-committing loss of face, people may take steps to prevent it. During: - interaction, they can go a step farther by supporting the other's face in general or specific ways. After: - if a threat to face is made, they can use corrective face management , using constructive responses to loss of face in a conflict situationa. p162

corrective face management

p165

Demonstrate how one should manage or resolve interpersonal conflicts according to each theory p60

p72

Distinguish between hyperstress and distress p178

Distress is more encompassing than others. Relates more to our woldview. Type A - (too controlling, workaholic etc.) makes us appear unpleasant to others, contribute to proness which is due to distress and occurs when people take themselves too seriously, don't enjoy what they are doing, fail to see the humor in their everyday life. Unhappy, fear of failure Hyperstress-too many tasks and responsibilities. p178

List the 3 solutions for developing a more playful attitude

Eating sensibly, getting enough sleep, living a balanced life, engaging in relaxing activities, spending time with good friends, saying "no" to requests you really can't take on. avoid self-medication through nicotine, alcohol, drugs - keep stress at a minimum.

Describe the steps 1 must take to forgive FORGIVENESS OCCURS:

Forgiveness is a cognitive process that consists of "letting go of feelings" of revenge and desires to retaliate. Key Stages that the process goes through are 1 . hurt- 2. hate 3. healing 4. and coming together. (psychological, mental, & emotional sense) you might cognitively forgive another w/o behaviorally reconciling. when a person lets go of his or her feelings of revenge and need for retaliation, changes his thoughts about the transgression and the transgressor. Starts with anger over a transgression and moves toward transforming the meaning of the event. p. 206

Explain how anger can negatively affect a conflict situation

Get even or seek revenge

minimax principle

In negotiation, people try to minimize their losses and maximize their gain. p229

Describe the factors that contribute to violence in the workplace. p126

Intimate partner violence that spills over into the workplace and sexual harassment that occurs between employees. both types of incidents may be due to paternal violence, based on coercion and control, or common couple violence, based more on temporary situations where 1 drank too much or became jealous.

Lucifer Effect

Is a condition that occurs when people are not encouraged to stop and think about what is happening and engage in conflict when they realize they are veering off into dangerous territory. don't get carried away. p150

Explain the ABC model, differentiate between positive and negative beliefs, and apply the model to a conflict situation

MODEL: A-activating event or the stressor B-beliefs or our relevant thoughts C-consequences or effect and reaction to the stressor "A" - produces the stress (hyperstress) approaching calamity, wrestling important decisions. EX: anticipated life event: graduation unexpected life event: death or loss of job or too much happening at once. nn to make tough decisions: should I marry, divorce, go to grad school "B" - change your thoughts or the way you look at something. to reduce stress? changing thoughts about an event can reduce stress. some things are more difficult than others. If you expect the worst it will happen. that the negative belief. "C" - we experience stress internally and behaviorally. biochemically, hyperstress cycle is in 3 stages. 1-alarm - heart beats faster fight/flight 2-resistance-blood releases hormones, affect us physically and emotionally 3-stress is not relieved, experience exhaustion. p180-182

Describe the role of the mediator Value of Mediation:

Mediation- neutral 3rd party facilitates communication between the conflicting parties so that they may work out their own mutually acceptable agreement 1. mediation restores communication and helps to normalize relations. 2. Mediation allows for full participation by the conflicting parties. 3. Mediation has a high success rate. p249

Describe workplace bullying

Person who want to control, dominate, and abuse others. a frequent, enduring abusive interaction distinguished by targets'-bullied workers' - inability to defend themselves. . p285

Explain the 3 factors you should consider when choosing among the 5 conflict communication options

REFER below to communication considerations defined 1. occasion 2. other person 3. your needs p49-50

Briefly explain the S-TLC SYSTEM FOR DEALING WITH CONFLICT SITUATIONS

S- stopping: taking time out p78 1. exit temporarily to calm yourself, tell the other person you are not abandoning them 2. drink something before responding 3. count backwards from 100 4. change the problematic topic for a while to allow time for the air to clear. T- thinking about the conflict - means that you consider its cause & possible outcomes before you take action. L- listen before you say anything- p80 C-

Explain why social conflicts are often intractable

Social conflict are often intractable because they have a fine line of non resolution. Usually the best resolution is to try and work together or live along side one another. The parties involved have a strong sense of righteousness with their cause. They have a strong sense of right and wrong or what is good and bad. they also may have worldview differences due to their difference in cultural backgrounds. These are causes for the division and conflict. They may turn for the worse and become violent, as history has shown.

Identify the "primary emotion" that is being interpreted as anger.

Stress can lead to anger, which is a strong feeling of displeasure, a synonym for antagonism and rage. different from feeling hurt or irritated. Perceived loss of control. Primary emotion is "FEAR" that occurs when our personal security is threatened. others say its a coverup for loss of self-esteem and sadness. anger protects us; admitting our fear or disappointment may make us feel vulnerable. find the underlying fear and deal with it. p195

List several ways that conflicting parties can covert a potentially competitive negotiation into cooperative one 226

They do this by separating people from the problem, making concessions, seeking commonalities, talking cooperation, consulting before acting, communicating frequently, controlling the process (not the outcome), thinking positively, and engaging in fractionation. p236

Offering concessions

a person make a concession when he or she grants something highly valued to the other person w/o asking anything in return or drops a demand on the other. . They are more likely to elicit cooperative behavior from the other than are those who make demands or who make no concessions at all. p237

blaming

act of blaming is a characteristic of negative conflict behaviors and is often associated with verbal and physical abuse, increases likelihood of escalating conflict. p62.

ADR's

alternative dispute resolutions

repression

another defense mechanism that occurs when we try not to think about our situation p57

Define intractable issue p296 Intractable issues have increased as more companies outsourced their manufacturing to other countries, more companies become transnational (int'l in scope) & as more fed. laws have forced companies to diversify their workforce.

cannot be resolved by communication and negotiation techniques alone bc they involve different and conflicting values, beliefs, and rituals. Most difficult to resolve. also referred to as social conflicts, societal conflicts, and moral conflicts, intractable issues are FUELED BY DISTRUST AND DISLIKE OF OTHER GROUPS. p297 they are self-perpetuating and difficult to bring to any kind of resolution. What makes them different? it's central or lies at the core of our worldview to be explained below. conflicting parties become entrenched in the discussion of who is right and who is wrong. p297 Why do they exist? men & women see the world differently as do contemporary republicans and democrats, arabs and Christians, younger and older citizens, rich and poor, east and west, educated and uneducated..

List strategies you can use to manage diversity-based conflict, deal with work-life conflict and combat bullying in the workplace 280

communication options should be employed for diversity based conflicts. Not competitive conflict escalation and passive - aggressive communication but avoiding/accommodating is a good decision when dealing with conflicts. Work life conflict - Refer to information above. Bullying - Civility is a way of acknowledging others, thinking the best of others, listening, being inclusive, speaking kindly, accepting others, respecting their boundaries, accepting personal responsibility, apologizing when appropriate. Also, reverse discourse- encompasses several tactics of responding to the bully through communicative means. turning the insult around and treat it as if it was a compliment.. avoiding bully and talking with the lawyer. 286

Process goals

concern the way they want to interact together

triggering event

conflict stimulus is a behavior that the parties in the conflict point to as the issue, problem, or focal point of the conflict. ex: saying something upsetting, doing something offensive, or not doing something 1 is expecting p13

core relational rules

define our expectations about the way we should behave toward others as well as the way they should behave toward us

core relational views

define our expectations about the way we should behave toward others as well as the way they should behave toward us. Each relationship has its core rules that cannot be violated w/o calling the relationship itself into question.

Tansactional model of communication-

emphasizes managing or coordinating. 10

nonviolent communications

extends the notion of civility we presented in chapter 1, that it takes seriously the notion that words shape our worlds that it's acceptable to commit physical violence against others, as in making good on our verbal threats to hurt others., non-violent communication makes observations, states needs and makes requests not demands. How is it used?consider agreeingto disagree, if difference in cultural values is indicative of an interpersonal relationship. p. 312

List some of the likely sources of distress in people's lives

finances, work, home, overachievers, workaholics fear of failure p178

information processing perspective

focusing on process goals is most effective for a workgroup

Explain how hyperstress and distress affect your communication behavior in a conflict situations

frustration & anger and overblown conflict-occurs when people get carried away and exaggerate a conflict, generally using a relatively unimportant issue as a focal point. p 178

group-based hatred

fuels the notion that an in-group is right, good, and holy and the out-group is wrong, bad, evil. p306

critical theory

is a complex approach to understanding situations, which analyzes power relations between the participants in an effort to uncover oppression, exploitation and injustice. practitioners of critical theory are orientated towards social justice outcomes, changing that cause people to live in dehumanizing ways Core definition: is the assumption that the distribution of power in a society creates and perpetuates instances of oppression and injustice in societies. p307

comparison level (CL)

is a standard with which people determine how satisfactory or attractive a relationship is. If rewards exceed the costs, then the CL raises bc a person considers the relationship satisfying. pg 67 ex: in an interpersonal relationship, a person might think that although he has fun w/another person, waiting for that person to show is costly enough. p67

Negotiations

is defined as a particular type of conflict management-one characterized by an exchange of proposals and counter proposal as a means of reaching a satisfactory settlement.

Define assertiveness and explain its role in the confrontation process.

is defined as the ability to speak up for one's interest, concerns, or rights in a way that doesn't interfere with the interest or infringes on the rights of others. p82 means also, one must allow others to communicate their own feelings, beliefs, desires. *Assertive communication behaviorgives others a change to improve the situation p83 You have the right to: change your mind ask others to listen to your ideas be listened to and taken seriously p83

language of cooperation

is we-based. recognize that others often want the same as you do. trick is to recognize those goals you both have in common and draw attention to them. "we both want this" p238

Define interpersonal violence p111

it occurs when a person imposes his will (wants, needs, or desires) on a friend, romantic partner, family member, or work colleague through verbal or physical INTIMIDATION. Violence has a physical, emotional, and mental effects. p111

Describe the sources of conflict in the workplace

may be late, sleeping in job, asking for time off, sick always, causes conflicts (attribution theory - boss may think they are unmotivated, can't be trusted, taking advantage of the system) while in reality employee may be under severe external pressures, some of which we describe from lost income etc. p282

Conditional reconciliation 212

may occur when the transgressor communicates some level of regret for the offense and offers an apology

3 communication considerations

occasion, the other person, your needs

differentiation phase

or ongoing interaction pattern occurs when the participants use constructive or destructive strategies and tactics, presenting both sides of the story, moving back and forth, and escalating and de-escalating the conflict. this is the stage the conflict becomes obvious. the revelation of differences is the 4th stage in the interpersonal conflict process. p13

lateral thinking

p 95

Describe the role that climate plays in general in conflict situations 134

psychological atmosphere impacting a conflict, to these opposing concepts: imbalance of power versus equity, competition vs. cooperation, distrust vs. trust, defensive vs. supportive behavior, groupthink vs. individual decision making p134

accommodating

quickly give in. smoothing over conflicts, obliging others and making no waves. p34

identity goal

refers to the way that person want to see himself.

Define tangible conflict issues and explain why negotiation is needed to resolve such issues 226 -240 Issue in Conflict Table 10.1 P228 Tangible vs. Intangible

tangible resources are physical and observable. Because tangible resources are often scarce, conflict involving such issues take more than basic interpersonal communication skills to resolve, they must be NEGOTIATED. when confronted over a tangible resource, skilled negotiators follow the "MINIMAX" principle to MINIMIZE THEIR LOSSES and MAXIMIZE THEIR GAINS. They start bargaining at a point above their aspiration level but also have a resistance point in mind.. Conflict manager considers his BATNA( which is initially the status quo point) as a standard by which to measure the value of offers from others. Usually make some kind of concessions, so it pays to set a goal higher than one thinks possible to attain. that way if you make concessions, more likely elicit cooperative behavior from

Explain why people are violent p110

two theories- culture of violence theory & general aggression model. p110 Culture of Violence theory-argues that in large societies like in the US, people from subgroups that develop values and norms justifying the use of physical force that exceeds the level that the larger culture might tolerate. EX: gang violence -occurs due to subgroups that have come to see violence as the primary alternative when faced w/an opponent. General Aggression Model-adds to the prelude stage of conflict process by calling attention to the inclination of the participants who later engage in conflict. Argument is that violence is chosen or not chosen, based on the way the following factors interact: personal and situation variables. Basically says if you practice self control, can increase the ability to resist engaging in violent acts against others. p110-111.

values

what we hold dear, ranging from something of economic value, through sentiment value to values we might die for (freedom)

false conflict

when @ least 1 person in an interdependent relationship thinks there is a conflict but after talking, finds out there is not conflict p65

Explain the assumption behind negotiation in which people try to minimize their losses and maximize their gains 226

when confronted over a tangible resource, skilled negotiators follow the "MINIMAX" principle to MINIMIZE THEIR LOSSES and MAXIMIZE THEIR GAINS. batna...

Explain when a third party should intervene as a mediator 262

when there is a dispute that the two parties are unable to resolve on the own. mediator's are unbiased 3rd party who facilitate communication between the conflicting parties so that the conflicting arties can work out their own agreement. Mediators keep confidential everything said in the mediation, maintain an open mind, demonstrate effective communication, encourage cooperation while discouraging competition, encourage parties to communicate with each other and create their own agreement.

Conflicts over intangible issues

which are emotions, mental, and psychological assets, and are not limited by nature. These issues are often resolved through *interpersonal communication*.

Identify the sources of hyperstress in your life

work, school

Explain ho groupthink leads to mismanage conflict

wrapped up in goals that they neglect the conflict. no resolution.

Conflict

2 or more competing responses to a single event, differences between and among individuals, mutual hostility between individuals or groups or a problem needing resolution. p4

homeostasis

system maintains itself in pursuit of a goal p.71

six hats

p96

holistic

the system (family, team, organization, society etc.) is key, not the individual. p71

attribution error

when I try to blame it on someone else. Don't want to take the credit for it because it was nasty. Opposite if I think it was great and want to take the credit. p 63

3 common dysfunction conflict cycles:

1. confrontation avoidance/accommodation cycle 2. competitive conflict escalation cycle 3. passive-aggressive cycle KEY IMPORTANCE: issues NOT RESOLVED in these dysfunctional cycles, stem large part from NEGATIVE attitudes people have about conflict and from the way those attitudes are confirmed by mismanagement of their conflicts. p33

What Is Interpersonal Conflict

Interpersonal conflicts are struggles which usually arise from contrasting ethics, values, beliefs etc. Conflicts are characterized by defensive climate which gradually ignites the existing struggle between the people. The characteristics of a defensive climate are mentioned below: •Flaws/Criticism: Constant judging of the other person's character/actions can worsen the situation. Comparing the person's ethics, behavior or values to another is like treading over dangerous waters. This attitude is commonly noticed during interpersonal conflicts and should not be nurtured at any cost. •Control: As this is a struggle between each individual's concept of right and wrong, the concerned people try to impose their power and viewpoints on the other so that they can get an upper hand in the unresolved matter. •Neutrality: This is the worst case scenario where the participants remain indifferent of each other and thus allow no opportunity for an amicable settlement of the argument. •Rigidity: This is seen when the involved participants remain so rigid that they refuse to accept the idea of a mutual compromise. They stick on to their grounds and do not budge an inch.

List the steps in the functional cycles, namely compromising and collaboration conflict communication. p28

STEPS: Compromising conflict communication: 1. determine the needs of the conflicting parties. 2. if everyone has a legitimate claim, examine the outcome to determine whether everyone can receive an equal or fair share of the claim. 3, if dividing the claim works, give everyone involved his share of the claim. example: of siblings and inheritance. negative if feel did more p.42

Explain why many people view conflict negatively and how they could view it positively.

They view it negatively because they believe it has always a violent avenue and outbursts. they have opportunity to put the cards on table. listen and express themselves to find needs met through resolutions of negotiations teach non violent solutionsto problems, setting an example in our daily lives.

Describe the differences between compromising and collaboration p43 Examples of Collaborations Go together to events Take a bus/train Hire a housecleaning service Watch one and tape the other Increase the amount so that both get what they want

P43 (Box) Examples of Compromising: alternate driving the car split driving 50:50 Split housecleaning chores Alternate watching TV programs Divide the money between them

conflict communication options with relationship and identity, avoidance and/or accommodation can be a good way to manage the conflict

consider: collaborative conflict communication--- **when a win-win solution to a problem is possible **when other person is cooperative ** other person can handle your assertiveness w/o responding w/aggression or passive -aggression Consider: avoiding/accommodating conflict communication: **when you aren't sure of your facts or confident of your idea **when a long term relationship is important to you & other person ** when something has occurred that is more important to the others than it is to you ** when the emotional hurt offsets any benefits that might result Consider: competing conflict communication: **when you have exhausted the other options, & you are in a physically threatening situation in which you must defend yourself to avoid being seriously injured or killed. Consider: passive-aggressive conflict communication: ** when you are in a physically threatening situation. You have to go behind the other person's back & secretly report him in order to avoid direct confrontation where the other might seriously harm you. (Beulah stealing) p. 49-50

prelude to conflict 1-triggering event 2-initiation phase 3-differentiation phase 4-resolution phase

consists of the variable to make conflict possible between those involved. Comprised of 4 variables: 1. participants in conflict situation (number, age, sex etc) 2. relationship between them (vary in closeness and distribution of power) and their conflict history. 3. the physical, social environment of the conflict situation (a party in someone's home, a meeting at work, dinner with family or friends)p. 13

outcomes

suggests the resolution of some issue or solution of some problem but many people are satisfied even when these goals are not achieved. p17

system theory

if human relationships are thought of as a system, communication and therefore conflict, are not only inevitable but also continual. conflict is normal p71

process view of conflict communication

implications for how we view a conflict situation and conflict management behavior. (as in a video of people meeting, talking, and departing) p11

conflict management

in additions to focusing on behaviors that can become skills, conflict management you have: 1. choices to make when in a conflict situation like how to COMMUNICATE 2. must analyze it by takingameta-conflit perspective. p8

met-conflict

in conflict, the ability to take meta-conflict perspective means that you can look back on the conflicts you have experienced, ANALYZE what you did well and poorly, learn from your mistakes. p8

incompatible goals

incompatibility lies at the heart of a PROBLEMATIC situation. occurs when we are seeking different outcomes; they may also include personal habits that clash, like 1 person in a living situation is less bothered by clutter than the other. ex: we each want to buy a different car, but we can on afford to buy 1. p4

Define and give examples of intangible conflict issues p31

issues center on gut feelings like love, respect, and self-esteem as well as other topics like power, cooperation, and other beneficial behaviors such as attention and caring. Ex: 1. partner hasn't been paying enough attention to the other partner (ignoring her or him) 2. 1 person offends another by using sexist, racist, stereotyped, or otherwise offensive language. 3. 1 person's behaviors, habits, or actions annoy or upset another person. 4. 1 partner needs time alone or time out with friends. p30 Personality issues- "I wish you weren't so selfish" relationship- "bc we're friends, you can depend on me for help when you need it" behavioral issues- "why did you by a new stereo, we can't afford it" (table 2.1 p31)

communication competence

takes knowledge about the way conflict works, knowledge of the skills that are used in conflict situations, and practice. p8

avoidance

people do their best not to engage in conflict. remain silent. humility or embrace of others. poor eye contact, posture, defeated air about them. these people apologize too quickly, refuse to take the conflict seriously, become evasive or walks out. Example of avoidance: I don't dare say anything! What good would it do to speak up? I went along so not to offend anybody. It's ok to take advantage of me, I don't mind! p34

gunny sacking

storing up hurts and anger until they explode. strategy is harmful bc one eventually explodes, and the conflict get out of hand. this can destroy a relationship. p35

inevitability of conflict principle.

as relationships become closer, conflicts become increasingly more likely, hence inevitable.

external attribution

p61

Explain the key concepts and assumptions that identify factors that play an important role in interpersonal conflict according to each theory

p72

problematic situations

partners perceive that they seek different outcomes or they favor different means to the same ends.

conflicts

play a role in the creation and maintenance of interpersonal relationships

scripts dysfunctional cycles are scripted

routine events are scripts that we perform w/little deviation each time we do them. people repeat similar behaviors ea. time they encounter the event. When we behavior automatically, w/o consciously contemplating our alternative or realizing that we have options we are scripting. p32

Define conflict management

p.6 & 32 as the communication behavior a person employs based on his analysis of a conflict situation.

Distinguish among behavioral, personality, and relationship issues p30

*behavioral- violation of relationship rules and relationship repair process are violated. concerned w/specific and individual actions we can observe, like the way we handle money. *personality-focus on many behaviors like being dominating, selfish, introverted *relationship-involves rules, norms and boundaries ***refer to below definitions** p30-31

undesired repetitive pattern (URP)

a negative scripted event is urp. or the feeling of being trapped in a set of circumstances beyond one's control.

conflict communication with combined terms

a process of exchanging verbal and non verbal messages in a conflict situation that starts with antecedents, moves through steps, and ends with consequences. p11

anxiety

a tension that occurs when people perceive danger in a situation p57

conflict issues

are the focal point of the conflict the "trigger" that people point to when they are asked what the conflict was about. p28

relationship stress

between 2 or more people, occurs outside the individual and refes to wear and tear on a relationship. (who does the dishes) p47

Defining CONFLICT MANAGEMENT as a SKILL conflict management defined: conflict resolution

everyday language reflect the variety of ways in which we regard conflict, dealing with it, avoiding it, or resolving it. as the communication behavior a person employs based on his analysis of a conflict situation. communication behavior because behavior can become SKILLS, suggesting that we can learn from our past mistakes and improve the way we handle conflicts. refers to only 1 alternative in which parties solve a problem or issue and expect it not to arise again. Conflict management involves alternative ways of dealing with conflict, including resolution or avoiding altogether. p.7

frustration

internal battle between the id and superego that often erupts into conflict w/others. may originate from many sources, like tension, stress, anxiety, insecurity p58

Interpersonal Conflict

p.3 Defined as a problematic situation with 4 unique charachteristics. * conflicting parties are interdependent * they have the perception that they seek INCOMPATIBLE GOALS or OUTCOMES or they favor INCOMPATIBLE MEANS to the same ends, * perceived incompatibility has the potential of ADVERSELY AFFECT THE RELATIONSHIP if not addressed, and * there is a SENSE OF URGENCY about the need to resolve the differences.

Sense of urgency

Reaching a point where it needs effective management sooner rather than later. potential for adverse effects on the relationship if the issues are not addressed. p5

competitive conflict escalation cycle steps of competitive conflict escalation cycle on p38 1col

a dysfunctional conflict cycle is just this, in which the conflict bogs down in the differentiation stage when competitive interest lead to divergence rather than integration. participants are so concerned w/ winning that they aren't able to respond to integrative messages, if at all they made their way in the conflict interaction. p38 Example: Prelude: I already knew where my fav blouse was, (sister's room) she borrows w/o permission Trigger: under her bed is where I found it. Initiation: brought up past where she borrowed w/o permission (lion searching for prey) Differentiation: she started screaming at me, called her a kleptomaniac (nobody deescalate the conflict) days past, got over it as before. Resolution: none bc the conflict didn't make it to this stage. p38

schismogenesis

dysfunctional conflicts or URP'S often have an ESCALATION EFFECT, in which each exchange between those involved gets increasing intense. it occurs when the behaviors of 1 person intensifies the behavior of another. *talking louder, yelling, standing up, swearing threatening gestures (fist, finger) space invasion, mocking p37

communication apprehension

some people prefer to avoid conflict situations because they experience this. people's failure to engage in conflict with others. p34 For example, people who describe themselves as high in communication apprehension in interpersonal relationships prefer avoidance/accommodation as a conflict cycle. p34

positive view on conflict

where the effective conflict manager doesn't view conflict negatively, but rather sees opportunities to resolve problems and improve relationships with the people who mean the most in conflict situations. First step in managing conflict: adopt a mind-set that embraces conflict as an opportunity while recognizing the risks involved in it. your other skill in conflict depends on ***your ability to transform how you think about conflict in general. p19

passive aggressive communication

Definition: as the ability to impose one's will on others through the use of verbal or non-verbal acts that appear to avoid an open conflict or accommodate to the desires of others, and are carried out w/ intention of inflicting physical or psychological pain, injury, or suffering. p40

List the steps in the dysfunctional cycles, namely avoidance/accommodation, competitive, and passive-aggressive conflict communication p28 Passive-Aggressive Communication

Steps in confrontation avoidance/accommodation cycle: 1. cycle begins w/the belief that confrontation is bad & we should avoid if at all possible. 2. Because we would like to avoid confrontation, experiencing 1 makes us nervous. 3. something that makes us nervous is something we put off as long as possible. 4. many issues worsen when left alone, so eventually we have to confront them. 5. our anxiety causes us to handle the confrontation badly. 6. our negative perception of conflict is confirmed and the cycle starts again. p. 35 to some, passive-aggressive communication may look similar to the avoidance/accommodation cycle but... the one enacting it knows otherwise!! Definition: as the ability to impose one's will on others through the use of verbal or non-verbal acts that appear to avoid an open conflict or accommodate to the desires of others, and are carried out w/ intention of inflicting physical or psychological pain, injury, or suffering. When people engage in passive-aggressive communication, they don't openly and directly stand up for their interests, concerns or rights but try to get what they want by underhanded means or sabotage. example: 1 may go behind co-worker's back to undermine his or her project at work but meantime tell the co-worker how pleased 1 is with it. (passive- accommodating) to co-worker, and aggressive behind the person's back. p.40

intangible conflict issues

can be resolved through communication. issues center on gut feelings like love, respect, and self-esteem as well as other topics like power, cooperation, and other beneficial behaviors such as attention and caring. Ex: 1. partner hasn't been paying enough attention to the other partner (ignoring her or him) 2. 1 person offends another by using sexist, racist, stereotyped, or otherwise offensive language. 3. 1 person's behaviors, habits, or actions annoy or upset another person. 4. 1 partner needs time alone or time out with friends. p30 Personality issues- "I wish you weren't so selfish" relationship- "bc we're friends, you can depend on me for help when you need it" behavioral issues- "why did you by a new stereo, we can't afford it" (table 2.1 p31)

confrontation avoidance/accommodation cycle Steps in confrontation avoidance/accommodation cycle:

characteristic of those people whose 1st impulse is to avoid initiating conflict or to quickly give in (accommodate) when conflicts arise. Steps in confrontation avoidance/accommodation cycle: 1. cycle begins w/the belief that confrontation is bad & we should avoid if at all possible. 2. Because we would like to avoid confrontation, experiencing 1 makes us nervous. 3. something that makes us nervous is something we put off as long as possible. 4. many issues worsen when left alone, so eventually we have to confront them. 5. our anxiety causes us to handle the confrontation badly. 6. our negative perception of conflict is confirmed and the cycle starts again. p. 35

communication considerations Three communication considerations: 1. occasion (Including time & location)- 2. the other person 3. your needs

flexibility, openness to alternatives & adaptability are important interpersonal communication skills. Effective communicators are assertive when it is appropriate and nonassertive when the situation justifies it. When is it appropriate to engage in assertive or nonassertive communication behavior???? p49 THREE communication considerations: 1. occasion- 2. the other person 3. your needs 1. it's like a a situation. an occasion would be the same as a type of book-novel, short stories, mysteries. like situations, occasions tend to recur-one mystery may seem similar to another. 2. treat parents, children, employers, friends differently because of who they are so, bc they are important to us simply bc who they are and what they mean to us. bc of such, we must focus on the needs of the other person. you are important element in every conflict situation. must satisfy at least some of our needs if we want to live a life worth living. sometimes we must put some things off temporarily or reduce to a less prominent position

personality issues

focus on a whole constellation of behaviors like being dominating, introverted, selfish, or achievement orientated. ex: Alanna always does this or a lazy person presents problems for a highly productive individual, or a shy person may make social life difficult for an outgoing person. behaviors are involvedp30

productive conflict

occurs when a conflict is kept to the issue and to those involved. reduces the costs to the participants and in the intensity of negative feelings. includes helping the other person and letting go of past feelings. p16

effective conflict management

occurs when our communication behavior produces mutual understanding and an outcome that is agreeable to everyone concerned. p. 7

misplaced conflict

occurs when people argue about issues other than the ones at the heart of the conflict ex: may be upset by the way your boss treats you but you talk about something else like work schedule to someone of authority p57-58

overblown conflict

occurs when people get carried away and exaggerate a conflict, generally using a relatively unimportant issue as a focal point. p59

destructive conflict

occurs when the parties do not manage a conflict in a way that is MUTUALLY satisfactory and does HARM to their relationship. When participants lose sight of their original goals, when hostility becomes the norm, when mismanaged conflict becomes a regular part of the interaction between people, conflict is DESTRUCTIVE p.16

Interdependence

occurs when those involved in a relationship characterize it as continuous and important, making it worth the effort to maintain.

personal stress

occurs within a person and refers to wear and tear on 1 emotionally and physically. strong feeling of anxiety, frustration and anger because of things like death of family member, divorce, a new job, marriage, contribute to migraines, hypertension, heart disease and suicide p47

meta communication

one tries to objectively look at interaction bwtn two people and talk about it. p8

resolution phase

or outcome occurs when those involved accept some outcome to the conflict. successful conflicts result in a win-win outcome.

initiation phase

or response occurs when the conflict becomes overt. happens when at least 1 person makes known to the other that a conflict exists, such as reacting to another's upsetting comment, pointing out the offensive nature of the other's behavior, or reminding the other that she or he is expected to do something the person is not doing p13

Explain how conflict management has the potential to convert to potentially destructive interpersonal conflict into productive ones.

p 11, 2nd column Because conflict management is defined as a communication behavior, behaviors can become sills, suggesting that we can learn from our past mistakes and improve the way we handle conflicts. When communication behavior (such as listening w/o interrupting) and repeat that behavior when situation calls for it, we have communication skills, competent. successfully resolved conflicts moves through a series of 5 recognizable stages, or phases with each stage affecting the next.

Define process and pick a successfully resolved conflict to describe in terms of the five stages of constructive , successful conflict.

p. 11, 12, 15 Process is dynamic, ongoing and continuous (not static, at rest, or fixed). It is evolutionary in nature. (exercising, diet)examples to pick example: prelude-mom approaches asks when do I plan on... Trigger- chimes in I should soon. always say the same attit Initiation: why negative, always doing same Differentiation- mom mad, said worried health Resolution-dad said don't worry, she will. changed subj

Conflict Resolution

p. 6 only 1 alternative in which parties solve a problem or issue and expect it not to arise again.

Explain why the transactional model of communication is preferable to the linear model for managing conflict situations

p.10 Primary difference between the linear and transactional focus in communication is seen in the visual metaphors we might use to explain each. while the primary visual metaphor for the linear model is a conveyor belt (messages sent and recvd in a linear fashion), the transaction model, communication (and hence conflict as a type of communication) is seen more as a dance that 2 people do together (msgs co-created by managing and coordinating).

Define civility and explain why it is a problem today and what can be done about it.

p.21 is constituted by an attitude of respect toward others manifested in our behavior toward them; that respect is not predicated on how we feel about them in particular. requires mindfulness of others around us and aware of impact our behavior has on them. Problem today? Yes. Drive on the road, stand in a long line, deal with government agency, or listen to people in a shopping mall to realize that civility lacking in our society. Use of profanity is high, incivility no stranger in workplace. Civility is a way of being attentive, acknowledging others, thinking the best of others, listening, being inclusive, speaking kindly, accepting others, respecting their boundaries, accepting personal responsibility, apologizing when necessary. the best words to choose when caught in unexpected, 1. emotional charge situation, is no words at all. 2. respect your listeners by using clean language

communication

the exchange of verbal and non verbal messages in an attempt to better understand one another's perspective and create shared meaning, like teamwork. p10

negative view on conflict

the idea that conflicts are painful occurrences hat are personally threatening and best avoided. pg 18 conflict metaphor-asked to compare 1 term(conflict) with something else (struggle, exploding bombs, being on trial) not only metaphors are figures of speech, also a reflection of how we THINK. p18

collaboration

using integrative behaviors and developing mutually satisfying agreements to solve the problem once and for all. 2 ESSENTIAL Ingredients: 1. consists of integrative behaviors like cooperation collective action and mutual assistance. when people collaborate, work together towards the same ends in compatible roles (teamwork). 2. Collaboration means partners have in mind the same goal, which is to strive for a mutually satisfying solution to the conflict. (win-win outcomes) self interests and respect of other's interests and needs and goals too! 3. Strive for mutual understanding by increasing their range of perspectives, solutions, or alternatives. 4. They implement their mutual understanding by undertaking the solution as agreed on. When mutually confront one another: need to clarify their points of view to 1 another. p. 43-44