Interpersonal Relationships chapter 10

Emotions involved in jealousy

Love, Joy, Surprise, Anger (jealousy falls under this), Sadness, Fear

how is dependence related to jealousy?

The more dependent you are on the relationship, the more jealousy you are likely to feel. Dependence=Outcomes-CLalt The higher your partner's mate value than yours, the more jealousy you are likely to feel.

forgivness

A decision to give up your perceived or actual right to get even with, or hold in debt, someone who has wronged you

When are people more likely to forgive betrayer?

Apology from betrayer. Empathy from victim. Victim avoids brooding. Commitment is a strong predictor of forgiveness (Finkel et al., 2002) Two key components of forgiveness are sincere apologies and empathy on the part of the victim. Although forgiveness is not easy, it occurs more often in committed relationships.

Understand how evolutionary theories explain sex differences in reactions to emotional versus sexual infidelity.

Evolutionary explanation: Based on the paternity uncertainty and differential investment hypotheses. Men should experience more jealousy at the sight (or thought) of sexual infidelity, while women should be more jealous of emotional infidelity, their partners falling in love with someone else. Most men (60%) said they would be more jealous of sexual infidelity and most women (83%) said they would be more jealous of emotional infidelity

individual differences in lying

Extroversion, Insecure attachment, Concerns with impression management

betrayal

Hurtful actions by people we trusted and from whom we did not expect such misbehavior. actions that are hurtful and unexpected from those we are close to Infidelity and lying are be examples of this—but wide range of behaviors. Signifies partner does not value relationship as much as you thought Sexual and emotional infidelity and lying are common betrayals, but breaking promises, gossiping behind one's partner's back, or abandoning a relationship are also considered betrayals

Are some people more likely to betray close relationship partners than others?

Individual differences in betrayal: Age, Education, Religiosity, Gender? Betrayers often less happy, more maladjusted, resentful, and suspicious

deception

Intentional behavior that creates an impression in the recipient that the deceiver knows is false

perceived relational value

It is the extent to which one feels valued by important others. Think for a minute about the important people in your life, such as your family, friends, lover, members of your community, and employer. Now reflect on how much they care about you, how much they have internalized your interests, how much they would sacrifice for you, and how much they respect, admire and need you. If you are feeling valued in all those areas, you almost certainly are experiencing a state of high psychological well-being. If you are feeling depressed, you almost certainly are feeling lower levels of relational value than you expect, need, or feel you deserve. relational value is the foundational value that organizes and guides us in relationships.

factors that affect the tendency to experience jealousy

Low self-esteem, Attachment style, Gender? Traditional, gender roles men and women do not differ in how prone to jealousy they are

identify the seven degrees of acceptance and rejection

Maximal inclusion: others seek us out and go out of their way to interact with us. Active inclusion: others welcome us but do not seek us out. Passive inclusion: others allow us to be included. Ambivalence: others do not care whether we are included or not. Passive exclusion: others avoid us, tolerating our presence only when necessary. Maximal exclusion: others banish us, sending us away, or abandon us. Our emotional reactions to such experiences depend on how much we want to be accepted by particular others, and just what their acceptance or rejection of us means

Paternity uncertainty

Men uncertain of paternity. Evolution favored men who were sensitive to sexual infidelity uncertain fatherhood Evolution may have favored men who were very suspicious of their partners' fidelity because men cannot be certain of their paternity

deception examples

Outright lying Conceal information Divert attention from important facts Half-truths Lying, in which people fabricate information, is the most straightforward example of deception. Still, there are other ways people can mislead without explicitly lying about something. People can conceal information and not mention details that would communicate the truth. They can also divert attention from vital facts. People may also mix truthful and deceptive information into half-truths that are misleading.

Jealousy

Reaction to perceived threats to a valued relationship from a rival. Subtype of ANGER. Blend of anger,fear, and sadness. the negative emotional experience resulting from the potential loss of a valued relationship to a real or imagined rival (Salovey, 1991).

Understand some of the reasons betrayal occurs in close relationships

Simultaneous loyalty to multiple relationships. Competing demands within a relationship (tell person something hurtful they'd want to know or not tell person to spare their feelings). Victims of betrayal rate the betrayal as worse than perpetrators

Envy

Wanting to possess an "object" that belongs to another person. Also under subtype of anger.

gender differences in response to jealousy

Women are more likely to do things to improve the relationship (e.g., compete by being more attractive than rival). Men are more likely to protect their egos (e.g., pursue other women, get drunk)

Double-shot hypothesis

Women believe that men can have sex without emotional commitment, but not emotional commitment without sex Men are evenly split on whether the same applies to women

Differential investment

Women have a higher minimum obligatory investment in offspring than men (9 months) Evolution favored women who were more sensitive to threats of loss of investment from mate Women, on the other hand, were sensitive to signs that the men were straying because that threatened the resources that would protect their offspring in order for them to survive.

Reactive Jealousy

jealousy when one becomes aware of threat (realistic) to the relationship The threat may have already occurred, or may be happening, or may be going to occur. Reactive jealousy always occurs in response to a realistic threat.

Suspicious Jealousy

jealousy without any realistic threat to the relationship Suspicious jealousy results in worried and mistrustful vigilance and snooping as the jealous partner seeks to confirm his or her suspicions.

relational devaluation

the painful realization that our partners do not love, respect, or accept us as much as we thought they did or want them to apparent decreases in others regard for us. Causes hurt feelings, that are much like the emotions that accompany physical pain Attachment styles affect how people experience relational devaluation. High anxiety about abandonment will be more hurt. People with low self esteem get their feelings hurt more easily than those with higher self regard

benefit liar

ward off embarrassment, guilt, or inconvenience, or seek approval or material gain. ¼ lies benefit others (protecting feelings)