Life Span- Chapter 14
parenting
- a child will not save a failing marriage -child will not be just like the parent -child is not a second chance for the parent -parenting is not instinct and requires some practice -avg women have 1st child at 26 - ppl have having fewer children giving women more free time and fathers more time to invest in parenting -children are often put in daycare Having kids early= more energy, less medical issues, less expectations of the child having kids later= more time to get life in order, more mature, more income b4 child
Marriage for remarried couples
- have realistic expectations -positive relationships with new fam -create new relationship patterns avoid the previously unsuccessful ghosts
affectionate love
-Companionate love -Desires to have the other person near -Based on a deep and caring affection -occurs as love matures
pre marital education
-higher marital satisfaction -commitment to spouse -lower lever of destructive conflict -lower likelihood of divorce 31%
Gay and Lesbian Adults
-legalized in 2015 all 50 states -similar to straight marriages -lesbian: equality in relationship is important; 5X more likely to raise children than gay couples -19% of same sex couples have children; share the responsibilities more evenly -prefer long term committed relationships -stigmas strengthen relationships
benefits of a good marriage
-live longer, ans healthier -23% higher morality rate for divorced ppl -unhappy marriage can shorten lifespan by 4 years -less physical and mental stress
Remarried Adults
-men re marry faster than women - Remarriage occurs sooner for partners who initiate a divorce - More unstable than first marriages - Have higher rates of depression but improved financial status -decreased to 29 in every 1000 due to in increase in cohabitation
Women's friendships
-more close friends more self-disclosure and mutual support -more talking and sharing of feelings -more sympathetic -
Men's friendships
-more distance -only sharing of useful info -seek practical solutions - more activities -less sympathy -more competitive
Married Adults
-personal fulfillment has become more universally accepted as the end of adult development rather than marriage -higher expectations make marriage less stable than in past generations - Education and ethnicity and marital satisfaction -bachelors degree= delay marriage but then have it last for more than 20 years -Asian american most likely to have a first marriage lass more than 20 yrs
E. Mavis Hetherington pathways exiting divorce
-the enhancers (20%): most are females; grew more confident, well adjusted, and self fulfilled; handle stress/ problems well -the good- enoughs (largest group): some successes and some failures; tried to solve problems developed new successful lives; not as good at planning and less persistent; women usually remarry a man similar to the first -the seekers (1 yr post divorce 38% women 40% of men): find new spouse as soon as possible ; found new partner or became more secured in their single life ; mainly men -the libertines: spent more time hooking up 1 yr after divorce but then wanted a stable relationship -the competent loners: became well adjusted, self sufficient and socially skilled; have little interest in sharing their lives with anyone else -the defeated: problems become even worse post divorce and can handle the stress of unsuccessful marriage
online dating
10% of 18-24 yr olds 22% of 25-34 yr olds 17% of 35-44 yr olds 20ies women more than men 40ies men more than women -more likley then in person match making to last more than 2 years - downfall: pll can lie about who they are
Single Adults
2009- % of 25-34 yr not married was greater than ones who were 2014- 45% 18 and older were single -result of rising rates of cohabitation and postponing marriage -US has lower % of single adults -fast growth of single lifestyle in China, India , Brazil -stereotypes of swinging single to lonely and desperate -struggle forming intimate relationships, loneliness -advantages: time to focus on you, time to hang with friends, explore, privacy -at 30 make a decision to marry or stay single -40% uncertain, 34%want marriage, 27% do not
divorced adults
3.2 divorces per 1000 ppl (declining) - Russia highest divorce rate of 4.7 High chance of divorce.. -youthful marriage -low education level -low income -no religion -divorced parents -baby b4 marriage -most occur in the 9th or 10th yea rof marriage -higher rates of depression, anxiety, illness, suicide, motor vehicle accidents, alcoholism, and morality women- more likely to sense something wrong in the marriage, view divorce positively, have a big negative economic impact
Attachment findings
Attachment-anxious individuals showed strong ambivalence toward a romantic partner Insecurely attached adults had a higher level of social anxiety than their securely attachment counterparts Young adults with an anxious attachment were more likely to be characterized by higher negative affect, stress, and perceived social rejection; those with an avoidant attachment were more likely to be characterized by less desire to be with others when alone A national survey indicated that insecure attachment in adults was associated with the development of disease and chronic illness, especially cardiovascular system problems such as high blood pressure, heart attack, and stroke Attachment-anxious and attachment-avoidant adults had higher levels of depressive and anxious symptoms than attachment-secure adults Adults with avoidant and anxious attachment patterns had a lower level of sexual satisfaction than their counterparts with a secure attachment pattern In two longitudinal studies of newlywed marriages, spouses were more likely to engage in infidelity when either they or their partner had a highly anxious attachment style Secure attachment in adults was linked to fewer sleep disruptions than insecure avoidant and anxious attachment
Mario Mikulincer & Phillip Shaver
Individuals who are securely attached have a well-integrated sense of self-acceptance, self-esteem, and self-efficacy. -They have the ability to control their emotions, are optimistic, and are resilient. -Facing stress and adversity, they activate cognitive representations of being securely attached, are mindful of what is happening around them, and choose effective coping strategies
consummate love
Robert J Sternberg - 3 dimensions: passion, intimacy and commitment strongest form that contains all 3 If passion is the only ingredient in a relationship (with intimacy and commitment low or absent), we are merely infatuated. An affair or a fling in which there is little intimacy and even less commitment is an example. A relationship marked by intimacy and commitment but low or lacking in passion is called affectionate love, a pattern often found among couples who have been married for many years. If passion and commitment are present but intimacy is not, Sternberg calls the relationship fatuous love, as when one person worships another from a distance. But if couples share all three dimensions—passion, intimacy, and commitment—they experience consummate love
ability to control emotions
ability to Handel emotions ass child= ability to handle them under stress as adults emotional children= not resilient and associated with depression
first impressions
about 100 milliseconds after we see a unfamiliar face we can make an impression and they can have a long lasting effect - can be accurate of misleading - determine their romantic interest in them, tendency to be violent, and sexual orientation
attachment
adults may use theory romantic partners to fulfill a secure attachment -higher maternal sensitivity= more secure attachments in adulthood -changes to security from infancy to adulthood is linked to stress and supports in socio emotional development
consensual validation
an explanation of why individuals are attracted to people who are similar to them. Our own attitudes and behaviors are supported and validated when some one else's are similar to our own
temperament
behavior style and characteristic emotional responses. -fewer mood swings, more responsible, less risk taking behavior - high activity level in childhood can be linked to outgoing personality
Break ups
can be positive if your relationship is effecting you negatively - can lead to increase stress and decreases in life satisfaction -spark personal growth
anxious attachment style
demand closeness, less trusting more emotional, jealous, and possessive
easy and difficult temperaments
easy T at age 3= well adjusted young adult difficult T= not as well adjusted adults
familiarity and similarity
familiarity- important condition for close relationships similarity- friends and partners tend to have similar values and interests -in some cases opposites attract -people try to shy away from the unknown
secure attachment style
have positive views of relationships and are not overly concerned with or stressed about their romantic relationships -enjoy committed relationships and less likely to have a one night stand -preferred (60-80% of adults)
Making Marriage Work: John Gottman
help your marriage succeed by: -establish love maps of each others life to express fondness -nurture fondness and admiration -turn towards instead of away from each other -let your partner influence you and share power in decision making -solve solvable conflicts -work on perpetual conflicts (2/3) of divorce -overcome gridlock through dialogue -create shared meaning/ goals (forgiveness and commitment)
avoidant attachment style
hesitant about getting involved in romantic relationships and once they are in a relationship they tend to distance themselves from their partner
Chastity
important in China, India, Indonesia, Tawian, and Arab not important in Sweden, Finland, Norway, Netherlands, and Germany
Friendship
important throughout life 92% of women and 88%of men have a bff of the same sex adulthood brings new friendships -65% have known their bff for 10 yrs 15% less than 5 yrs
transgender
individual whose gender identity is different from the sex which they were born with
Inhibition
inhibition in childhood= less likely to be assertive, experience social support, more likely to delay entering a stable job dis-inhibition=more career stability
cross-gender friendships
less common -more common among adults -seeing the other perspective -problems with sexual boundaries
Theodore Wachs
links between temperament in childhood and adjustment in early adult hood may vary depending on the intervening contexts in individuals experience
Cohabiting Adults
living together in a sexual relationship with out being married - increasingly popular in US; universal in Sweden, growing in Great Britain -70% of women with no diploma cohabited din their first union -reasons= spend time together, share expenses, evaluate compatibility -leads to lower marital satisfaction and higher rates of divorce
marital trends
marriage rates in US are declining 48.6% in 2012 -more adults are staying single longer 27% never marriage -average age for marriage increase 28.7 men 26.5 women - more children growing up in fam with out a father or in cohabitation due to low education of mother -avg marriage= 9 years -never married men want similar ideas on how to raise children -never married women want a stady job
Changing relationship styles
more adults are living in settings other than a married household The Marriage Go- Round- Andrew -US is more diverse in this aspect than other countries
Samantha Nickalls- The Tower
online dating sites may be good for ppl thirties or older but not good for college students
romantic love
passionate love lore eros -strong sexual components and infatuation -usually predominate in the beginning of a relationship -male less avoidance and lower anxiety about love -passion, fear, anger, sexual desire, joy, jealousy, -heightened state of romantic love in young adults= depression, anxiety but better sleep quality
intimacy
self- disclosure and sharing of private thoughts Erikson- commitment to another person in early adulthood, if not isolation results -positive link between identity development and intimacy; higher for men
Physical attractiveness
spark that ignites a relationship -rated higher by men than women; large role in predicting husbands marital satisfaction -we seek someone with a similar level of attrctiveness
matching hypothesis
the tendency to develop relationships with people who are approximately as attractive as we are
Attachment- Cindy Hazan and Phillip Schaver
young adults who were securely attached in their romantic relationships were more likely to describe their parental attachment as secure insecure avoidant attachment in infancy= lower level of social initiative and pro social behavior and high level of social anxiety and loneliness
shaping your adulthood
your past and life before adulthood takes part in shaping what adulthood looks like for you; looking at ages closer together makes you look more stable