Life Span- Chapter 14

parenting

- a child will not save a failing marriage -child will not be just like the parent -child is not a second chance for the parent -parenting is not instinct and requires some practice -avg women have 1st child at 26 - ppl have having fewer children giving women more free time and fathers more time to invest in parenting -children are often put in daycare Having kids early= more energy, less medical issues, less expectations of the child having kids later= more time to get life in order, more mature, more income b4 child

Marriage for remarried couples

- have realistic expectations -positive relationships with new fam -create new relationship patterns avoid the previously unsuccessful ghosts

affectionate love

-Companionate love -Desires to have the other person near -Based on a deep and caring affection -occurs as love matures

pre marital education

-higher marital satisfaction -commitment to spouse -lower lever of destructive conflict -lower likelihood of divorce 31%

Gay and Lesbian Adults

-legalized in 2015 all 50 states -similar to straight marriages -lesbian: equality in relationship is important; 5X more likely to raise children than gay couples -19% of same sex couples have children; share the responsibilities more evenly -prefer long term committed relationships -stigmas strengthen relationships

benefits of a good marriage

-live longer, ans healthier -23% higher morality rate for divorced ppl -unhappy marriage can shorten lifespan by 4 years -less physical and mental stress

Remarried Adults

-men re marry faster than women - Remarriage occurs sooner for partners who initiate a divorce - More unstable than first marriages - Have higher rates of depression but improved financial status -decreased to 29 in every 1000 due to in increase in cohabitation

Women's friendships

-more close friends more self-disclosure and mutual support -more talking and sharing of feelings -more sympathetic -

Men's friendships

-more distance -only sharing of useful info -seek practical solutions - more activities -less sympathy -more competitive

Married Adults

-personal fulfillment has become more universally accepted as the end of adult development rather than marriage -higher expectations make marriage less stable than in past generations - Education and ethnicity and marital satisfaction -bachelors degree= delay marriage but then have it last for more than 20 years -Asian american most likely to have a first marriage lass more than 20 yrs

E. Mavis Hetherington pathways exiting divorce

-the enhancers (20%): most are females; grew more confident, well adjusted, and self fulfilled; handle stress/ problems well -the good- enoughs (largest group): some successes and some failures; tried to solve problems developed new successful lives; not as good at planning and less persistent; women usually remarry a man similar to the first -the seekers (1 yr post divorce 38% women 40% of men): find new spouse as soon as possible ; found new partner or became more secured in their single life ; mainly men -the libertines: spent more time hooking up 1 yr after divorce but then wanted a stable relationship -the competent loners: became well adjusted, self sufficient and socially skilled; have little interest in sharing their lives with anyone else -the defeated: problems become even worse post divorce and can handle the stress of unsuccessful marriage

online dating

10% of 18-24 yr olds 22% of 25-34 yr olds 17% of 35-44 yr olds 20ies women more than men 40ies men more than women -more likley then in person match making to last more than 2 years - downfall: pll can lie about who they are

Single Adults

2009- % of 25-34 yr not married was greater than ones who were 2014- 45% 18 and older were single -result of rising rates of cohabitation and postponing marriage -US has lower % of single adults -fast growth of single lifestyle in China, India , Brazil -stereotypes of swinging single to lonely and desperate -struggle forming intimate relationships, loneliness -advantages: time to focus on you, time to hang with friends, explore, privacy -at 30 make a decision to marry or stay single -40% uncertain, 34%want marriage, 27% do not

divorced adults

3.2 divorces per 1000 ppl (declining) - Russia highest divorce rate of 4.7 High chance of divorce.. -youthful marriage -low education level -low income -no religion -divorced parents -baby b4 marriage -most occur in the 9th or 10th yea rof marriage -higher rates of depression, anxiety, illness, suicide, motor vehicle accidents, alcoholism, and morality women- more likely to sense something wrong in the marriage, view divorce positively, have a big negative economic impact

Attachment findings

Attachment-anxious individuals showed strong ambivalence toward a romantic partner Insecurely attached adults had a higher level of social anxiety than their securely attachment counterparts Young adults with an anxious attachment were more likely to be characterized by higher negative affect, stress, and perceived social rejection; those with an avoidant attachment were more likely to be characterized by less desire to be with others when alone A national survey indicated that insecure attachment in adults was associated with the development of disease and chronic illness, especially cardiovascular system problems such as high blood pressure, heart attack, and stroke Attachment-anxious and attachment-avoidant adults had higher levels of depressive and anxious symptoms than attachment-secure adults Adults with avoidant and anxious attachment patterns had a lower level of sexual satisfaction than their counterparts with a secure attachment pattern In two longitudinal studies of newlywed marriages, spouses were more likely to engage in infidelity when either they or their partner had a highly anxious attachment style Secure attachment in adults was linked to fewer sleep disruptions than insecure avoidant and anxious attachment

Mario Mikulincer & Phillip Shaver

Individuals who are securely attached have a well-integrated sense of self-acceptance, self-esteem, and self-efficacy. -They have the ability to control their emotions, are optimistic, and are resilient. -Facing stress and adversity, they activate cognitive representations of being securely attached, are mindful of what is happening around them, and choose effective coping strategies

consummate love

Robert J Sternberg - 3 dimensions: passion, intimacy and commitment strongest form that contains all 3 If passion is the only ingredient in a relationship (with intimacy and commitment low or absent), we are merely infatuated. An affair or a fling in which there is little intimacy and even less commitment is an example. A relationship marked by intimacy and commitment but low or lacking in passion is called affectionate love, a pattern often found among couples who have been married for many years. If passion and commitment are present but intimacy is not, Sternberg calls the relationship fatuous love, as when one person worships another from a distance. But if couples share all three dimensions—passion, intimacy, and commitment—they experience consummate love

ability to control emotions

ability to Handel emotions ass child= ability to handle them under stress as adults emotional children= not resilient and associated with depression

first impressions

about 100 milliseconds after we see a unfamiliar face we can make an impression and they can have a long lasting effect - can be accurate of misleading - determine their romantic interest in them, tendency to be violent, and sexual orientation

attachment

adults may use theory romantic partners to fulfill a secure attachment -higher maternal sensitivity= more secure attachments in adulthood -changes to security from infancy to adulthood is linked to stress and supports in socio emotional development

consensual validation

an explanation of why individuals are attracted to people who are similar to them. Our own attitudes and behaviors are supported and validated when some one else's are similar to our own

temperament

behavior style and characteristic emotional responses. -fewer mood swings, more responsible, less risk taking behavior - high activity level in childhood can be linked to outgoing personality

Break ups

can be positive if your relationship is effecting you negatively - can lead to increase stress and decreases in life satisfaction -spark personal growth

anxious attachment style

demand closeness, less trusting more emotional, jealous, and possessive

easy and difficult temperaments

easy T at age 3= well adjusted young adult difficult T= not as well adjusted adults

familiarity and similarity

familiarity- important condition for close relationships similarity- friends and partners tend to have similar values and interests -in some cases opposites attract -people try to shy away from the unknown

secure attachment style

have positive views of relationships and are not overly concerned with or stressed about their romantic relationships -enjoy committed relationships and less likely to have a one night stand -preferred (60-80% of adults)

Making Marriage Work: John Gottman

help your marriage succeed by: -establish love maps of each others life to express fondness -nurture fondness and admiration -turn towards instead of away from each other -let your partner influence you and share power in decision making -solve solvable conflicts -work on perpetual conflicts (2/3) of divorce -overcome gridlock through dialogue -create shared meaning/ goals (forgiveness and commitment)

avoidant attachment style

hesitant about getting involved in romantic relationships and once they are in a relationship they tend to distance themselves from their partner

Chastity

important in China, India, Indonesia, Tawian, and Arab not important in Sweden, Finland, Norway, Netherlands, and Germany

Friendship

important throughout life 92% of women and 88%of men have a bff of the same sex adulthood brings new friendships -65% have known their bff for 10 yrs 15% less than 5 yrs

transgender

individual whose gender identity is different from the sex which they were born with

Inhibition

inhibition in childhood= less likely to be assertive, experience social support, more likely to delay entering a stable job dis-inhibition=more career stability

cross-gender friendships

less common -more common among adults -seeing the other perspective -problems with sexual boundaries

Theodore Wachs

links between temperament in childhood and adjustment in early adult hood may vary depending on the intervening contexts in individuals experience

Cohabiting Adults

living together in a sexual relationship with out being married - increasingly popular in US; universal in Sweden, growing in Great Britain -70% of women with no diploma cohabited din their first union -reasons= spend time together, share expenses, evaluate compatibility -leads to lower marital satisfaction and higher rates of divorce

marital trends

marriage rates in US are declining 48.6% in 2012 -more adults are staying single longer 27% never marriage -average age for marriage increase 28.7 men 26.5 women - more children growing up in fam with out a father or in cohabitation due to low education of mother -avg marriage= 9 years -never married men want similar ideas on how to raise children -never married women want a stady job

Changing relationship styles

more adults are living in settings other than a married household The Marriage Go- Round- Andrew -US is more diverse in this aspect than other countries

Samantha Nickalls- The Tower

online dating sites may be good for ppl thirties or older but not good for college students

romantic love

passionate love lore eros -strong sexual components and infatuation -usually predominate in the beginning of a relationship -male less avoidance and lower anxiety about love -passion, fear, anger, sexual desire, joy, jealousy, -heightened state of romantic love in young adults= depression, anxiety but better sleep quality

intimacy

self- disclosure and sharing of private thoughts Erikson- commitment to another person in early adulthood, if not isolation results -positive link between identity development and intimacy; higher for men

Physical attractiveness

spark that ignites a relationship -rated higher by men than women; large role in predicting husbands marital satisfaction -we seek someone with a similar level of attrctiveness

matching hypothesis

the tendency to develop relationships with people who are approximately as attractive as we are

Attachment- Cindy Hazan and Phillip Schaver

young adults who were securely attached in their romantic relationships were more likely to describe their parental attachment as secure insecure avoidant attachment in infancy= lower level of social initiative and pro social behavior and high level of social anxiety and loneliness

shaping your adulthood

your past and life before adulthood takes part in shaping what adulthood looks like for you; looking at ages closer together makes you look more stable