Rules for Writers Chapter 2
Revision is what?
A social process A chance to re-see
Define declarative sentence
A statement that tells us something. Ends with a period. "He eats yogurt." "My name is Eva"
Name some synonyms for focus and why is it important
AKA: thesis, theme, controlling idea, main point, position statement In effect, writers tell readers what territory they plan to cover.
The first element of improving organization is what?
Adding or sharpening topic sentences
The second element in "strengthening the content" is what?
Adding text
The third cycle of global revision is "Improving the organization" What 3 elements are included?
1. Adding or sharpening topic sentences 2. Moving blocks of texts 3. Inserting headings
Peer review gives you and your classmates what?
1. An opportunity to read each other's work 2. Learn from the peer review process
How are headings presented?
1. As phrases ex: The effects of sleep deprivation (in italics) 2. As declarative or imperative sentences ex: Understand the effects of sleep deprivation (declarative) ex: What are the effects of sleep deprivation? (interrogative)
Name 4 strategies to use to learn from reviewers?
1. Be active 2. Listen with an open mind 3. Weigh feedback carefully 4. Keep a revision and editing log
What do comments look like?
1. Be specific 2. What is your main point? Such comments don't show you how to revise, but they do identify where revision might improve your draft. Ask reviewers to explain their comments if you don't understand them
How do you add text to your draft?
1. Brainstorm ideas with friends or classmates or do more research, ask "why" and "how" questions to help add specific facts, details, and examples
What's one way to review the organization of a draft?
1. By reviewing topic sentences
What are some ways to draw attention to headings?
1. Center them 2. Put them in bold 3. Underline them 4. Use all capital letters 5. Use a combination of these techniques
How do you sharpen the focus of a draft?
1. Clarify the introduction , especially the thesis 2. Delete texts that is off point
How do you delete text that is off the point?
1. Compare the introduction, especially the thesis statement, with the body of the essay 2. Ask, does the body fulfill the promise of the introduction?
An effective conclusion is what two things?
1. Decisive 2. Unapologetic
When identifying purpose and audience, what two questions should you ask?
1. Does the draft address a question, problem, or an issue that readers care about? 2. Is the draft appropriate for the audience? Does it consider the audience's knowledge of and possible attitudes toward the subject?
What does Listen with an open mind mean?
1. Don't take criticism personally. Your readers are responding to your essay, not to you. 2. If comments show that readers don't understand what you're trying to do, don't be defensive. Instead, consider why your reader is confused, and figure out how to clarify your point
When do you rethink your argument and how do you do this?
1. During the first draft 2. Do this by asking some questions
How do you adjust the body to fulfill the promise of the introduction?
1. Either rebuild the introduction to fit the body or keep the introduction 2. Keep the introduction and delete body sentences or paragraphs that stray from its point.
Name four common cycles of global revision?
1. Engaging the audience 2. Sharpening the focus 3. Improving the organization 4. Strengthening the content
The second cycle of global revision is "Sharpening the focus" What does sharpening the focus of a draft mean?
1. Fixes readers' attention on once central ideas and does not stray from that idea
What are some ways to stick to the point?
1. Have clear ideas of what you want to write and how you want to write about your topic 2. While you write, keep in mind your supporting details to help readers better understand your main point
How do you know if an argument is sound?
1. If the argument is valid and the premises are all actually true. What do we know about the conclusion if an argument is valid and the premises are all true? -That the conclusion is true, of course. 2. To say an argument is sound is to say it is a "good" argument, that the conclusion ought to be believed.
When are headings important and why?
1. Important in long documents like complex research papers or business reports. 2. Helps readers follow the writer's organization
What should be avoided in conclusions?
1. Introducing completely new ideas at the end of the essay
The first cycle of global revision is "Engaging the audience" What does engaging the audience mean?
1. Is draft directed at appropriate audience? To help, ask the following: "So what?" "Why does it matter?" 2. Check your tone: -your feeling towards your audience and topic -ask readers about your tone; do you sound bossy, self-centered, breezy, patronizing, or hostile? Goal: Attract the right audience and show respect for them through your tone
When organizing and paragraphing, what 4 questions should be asked?
1. Is each paragraph unified around a main point? 2. Does each paragraph support and develop the thesis? 3. Have you provided organizational cues for readers (topic sentences and headings)? 4. Have you presented ideas in a logical order?
What questions can you ask your peer reviewer about your draft?
1. Is my focus clear? 2. Is there anything confusing you? 3. What specifically should I cut or add to strengthen my draft?
When organizing content, what 4 questions should be asked?
1. Is the supporting material relevant and persuasive? 2. Which ideas need further development? Have you left readers with any unanswered questions? 3. Are the parts proportioned sensibly? Do major ideas receive enough attention? 4. Where might you delete redundant or irrelevant information?
When identifying focus, what 3 questions should be asked?
1. Is the thesis clear? Is it prominently (noticeably) placed 2. Does the thesis answer the readers "so what?" question? 3. If the draft has no thesis, is there a good reason for omitting one?
The fourth cycle of global revision is "Strengthening the content. What should you consider?
1. Is your argument sound? 2. Should you add or delete any text (sentences of paragraphs) 3. If purpose is to argue a point, ask yourself how persuasively have you supported your point 4. If your purpose is to inform, be sure that you have presented your ideas clearly and with enough detail to meet your readers' expectations.
What questions should you ask when rethinking an argument?
1. Is your claim more sweeping (extensive) than the evidence supports? 2. Have you left out an important step in your argument 3. Have you dealt fairly with opposing arguments
How do you delete text?
1. Look for sentences and paragraphs that can be cut without serious loss of meaning. 2. Ask reviewer to show you sentences where you have repeated yourself or strayed from your point 3. Cut out sentences that give too much emphasis on minor points 4. Cut out sentences if there is a word limit
Peers provide what information?
1. Offer their suggestions 2. Answer your questions 3. help you strengthen your draft
What does the checklist for global revision include? (5)
1. Purpose and audience 2. Focus 3. Organization and paragraphing 4. Content 5. Point of view
How do you clarify the introduction?
1. Reread your introduction to see if it clearly states the essay's main point. 2. To determine this, ask the following questions: a. Does the introduction let the reader know what to expect as they read on? b. Does it make the significance of the subject clear so that readers will want to keep reading c. Can the readers tell where the introduction stops and the body of the essay begins? Is the introduction too broad or too unfocused?
What elements are included in "Strengthening the content"?
1. Rethinking your argument 2. Adding text 3. Deleting text
How to write helpful peer review comments?
1. See yourself as a coach, not a judge 2. Pay attention to global issues first 3. Restate the writer's main idea 4. Be specific
How did Nguyen revise her introduction to set the scene more dramatically?
1. She used her peers advice about adding a photo 2. She revised introduction by adding clear details about her home, the neighborhood and Vietnam in the 1990's that engages the reader ex "houses wedged in among cafes and local businesses" and "measured uniformly 200 square feet ex: "walls so thin that heated debates and impassionate disagreements would be heard ex: "it was a neighborhood where dogs howled and kids ran amok (out of control)
How to be a coach in peer reviewing (3)?
1. Think of yourself as asking questions and proposing possibilities, not dictating solutions 2. Help the writer identify strengths and limitations of a draft 3. Try phrasing comments this way: "Have you thought about....? or "How can you help a reader understand this point?"
What is the goal of a peer reviewer?
1. To engage with a writer as a reader, not rewrite or correct the work of their peers 2. to offer thoughtful, encouraging comments to show peers what they're doing well and how they might build on their strengths.
When should you add text to your draft?
1. When paragraphs or sections of an essay are too skimpy (short/brief) to be clear and convincing (a common problem in rough drafts)
Revising at the sentence level gives you a chance to reconsider what?
1. Whether particular point could be stronger or clearer 2. whether a word or phrase sends the message you intended
Essay conclusion can do what two things?
1. echo the thesis 2. include details from the introduction (background for thesis)
Benefits of peer review
1. having a real reader 2. opportunity to see your draft through their eyes
Name some ways to improve the organization of a draft (4)?
1. move sentences from one paragraph to another 2. combine choppy paragraphs 3. divide long paragraphs for easy reading 4. move blocks of text to new position, write transitions to make them fit smoothly and maybe rework topic sentence to make new organization clear.
How can you be specific in peer reviewing?
1. point to specific places in a draft and show your classmate how, why, where a draft is effective or confusing 2. Instead of saying "I like your draft", say exactly what you like. Ex: "you use a surprising statistic in your introduction, and it really hooks me as a reader." 3. Instead of offering a generality as "your draft doesn't have much support," give a more specific suggestions. ex: "try putting the data from paragraph three into a graph"
After finishing your first draft, what is next? (3)
1. revising 2. editing 3. reflecting
What is a valid argument?
All premises are true and the conclusion can't be false
Why should you restate the writer's main point in peer reviewing?
As a reader, you can help the writer see whether he or she is expressing points clearly. Can you follow the writer's train of thought? Restate the writer's thesis and main ideas to check your understanding
Example of essay conclusion suggesting topics wider significance:
As the military continues to train women in jobs formerly reserved for men, our understanding of women's roles in society will no doubt continue to change. And as news reports of women training for and taking part in combat operations become commonplace, reports of women becoming CEOs, police chief, and even presidents of the US will cease to surprise us. Or perhaps we have already reached this point My summary: As more women are trained and take part in military combat, their position in jobs, usually performed by men, will be more accepted by society.
What questions should you ask to sharpen your topic sentences or when do you add them?
Ask if: 1. The topic sentences support the essay's main idea? 2. Can you turn the topic sentence into a reasonable sentence outline for the paper 3. If draft lacks topic sentences, add them
Interrogative sentence
Asks a question and ends with a question mark. "Where do you live?"
When you propose a strategy for focusing an introduction or for anticipating a counterargument, you not only help your classmates but also benefit, how?
Benefit from the process of thinking strategically about revision
Global revision involves what?
Big changes: 1. rewrites of paragraphs or whole sections 2. revising at the sentence level
What should be revised first?
Big picture of essay (global matters) that include: 1. thesis 2. purpose 3. content 4. organization 5 overall strategy
Example of paragraph that engages the reader. How does the new paragraph engage readers by respecting them? 1. By choosing to buy organic produce, you have the opportunity to support local farmers, to oppose the use of chemical pesticides, and to taste some of the freshest produce available. (Thesis) 2. Because more supermarkets carry organic produce than ever, you won't even have to miss out on any of your favorite fruits and vegetables. 3. Although organic produce can be more expensive than conventional produce, the cost are not prohibited. 4. For example, a pound of organic bananas at my local grocery store is eighty-nine cents, while the conventional bananas are sixty-nice cents a pound. If you can afford this small price difference, you will have the opportunity to make a difference for the environment and for the small farmer.
Breakdown by sentence: Sentence 1: -offers readers a choice to buy organic or not. Uses key words like *opportunity* followed by examples, which is more convincing. -supports his purpose "to buy organic because it has benefits" (avoid pesticides, fresher produce, support farmers) Sentence 2: -Anticipates readers concern of limited availability of organic produce Sentence 3: -anticipates readers concern that organic foods are much more expensive and sets up sentence to counter argument in sentence 4. Sentence 4: - doesn't assume that readers can afford the price difference (even if small) of organic verses non-organic -but gently persuades readers that the price difference between the organic and non-organic is small by providing an example -concludes by not assuming that readers can afford organic foods but gently persuades them by explaining the benefits (supports farmers and environment)
How can keeping an editing log be helpful?
Can help you learn about your strengths and challenges as a writer
How did Nguyen make the story her own, and not about the man?
Changed the beginning to "I grew up" instead of her "my family used to live" Left out the details about the war veteran in paragraph 4 and 5 and made it about her, even though she quoted him to make her narrative with dialogue Revised paragraph 6 to keep the focus on her story and not the old man's ex: "once I caught him looking at the jumbled mess of sentences I'd written. I was terrified that he'd hate me for stealing his life story and turning it into a collection of words and characters and ambivalent feelings.
Editing a sentence means what?
Checking for correctness
The third element in "strengthening the content" is what?
Deleting text
Sentences that are wordy, vague, or rambling do what?
Distract your reader and make it hard for the reader to focus on your purpose or grasp your main idea
What does approaching global revision in cycles mean?
Don't change everything all at once. Revise in cycles
How to pay attention to global issues first?
Focus on the big picture-purpose, thesis, organization, and content-before sentence structure, word choice, and grammar.
Revising a sentence means what?
Focusing on clarity and effectiveness
What did the man see in Nguyen?
He saw a storyteller and a writer in her
What does Be Active mean?
Help reviewers understand the following 1. your purpose for writing Ex: Analyze strategies to be more efficient in school 2. provide background about: -why you chose your topic ex: I want to be more efficient in school -why it matters to you ex: I lack efficiency skills -what you hope to accomplish with your draft ex: learn techniques to be more efficient in school
What is the main idea of the essay
Her main idea is the following: "In his quiet home, I could read and write in the presence of someone whose worldliness grew from him wordlessness Interpretation: Nguyen needed a quiet place to develop as a writer. The war veteran provided silence which would have been impossible in her own own which was noisy.
What does editing involve?
Identifying errors or patterns of error, such as: 1. failure to use commas and quotation marks correctly 2. to make subjects and verbs agree 3. using the right form of a pronoun
How did Nguyen make the contrast sharper between the neighborhood and the man's home?
In her background (paragraph 1 and 2) she talks about her city and neighborhood using vivid examples of the chaos and noise. At the end of paragraph 2, she uses a nice transition by contrasting the veterans home as a quiet place where she could read and write before starting a new paragraph (3) describing his home
The third element of improving organization includes what?
Inserting headings
Same essay conclusion that returns to the introduction and includes details from it.
Introduction (provides background for the thesis) "All the news that's fit to print," the motto of the New York Times since 1896, plays with the word fit, asserting that a news story must be newsworthy and must not exceed the limits of the printed page. The increase in online news consumption, however, challenges both meanings of the word fit, allowing producers and consumers a like to rethink who decides which topics are worth covering and how extensive that coverage should be. Any cultural shift usually means that something is lost, but in this case there are clear gains Includes details for introduction: Decisions about appropriate content and coverage are no longer exclusively in the hands of news editors. Ordinary citizens now have a meaningful voice in the conversation-a hand in deciding what's "fit to print". Some skeptics worry about the apparent free-for-all loss of tradition. But the expanding definition of news provides opportunities for consumers to be more engaged with events in their communities, their nations, and the world
What question should you ask about "Point of view"?
Is your dominant point of view appropriate for your audience? Is the dominant point of view--first person (I or we), second person (you), or third person (he, she, it, one, or they)--appropriate for your purpose and audience
Reviewer points to specific places in the draft and helps writer focus on audience and purpose
Juan: In paragraphs three and four, you group all students together as if all students had the same bad spending habits. If students are your audience, you'll be insulting them. What reader is motivated to read something that's alienating? What is your purpose for writing this draft?
Peer reviewer acts as a coach to suggest possible solutions
Juan: Most students know about the dangers of credit card debt, but they might not know about specific deceptive practices companies use to lure them. Maybe ask yourself what would surprise your audience about these practices.
What does keeping an editing log mean?
Make a clear and simple list of the global and sentence-level concerns that keep coming up in most of your reviewers' comments
What does Coordinating all the aspects of your paper mean?
Making each part work with the whole. Imagine your writing is a symphony orchestra in which one out of tune instrument will ruin the sound of the entire performance.
How does responding to readers objections instead of dismissing them help you?
May strengthen your ideas and make your essay more persuasive
The second element of improving organization includes what?
Moving blocks of texts
Example of how writer takes previous comment seriously and asks for suggestions
Rachel (writer): No, I wanted to keep the focus on the credit card companies. I didn't realize I was blaming the students. What could I change?
Writer thanks reviewer for his help and leaves session with a specific revision strategy
Rachel: Thanks for the good idea. I'll try it
Writer is engaged with reviewer's comments and doesn't take criticism personally
Rachel: Well....it's true that students don't always have good spending habits, but I don't want to blame students. My purpose is to call students to action about the dangers of credit card debt. Any suggestions for narrowing the focus?
How do you avoid sentences that are wordy, vague, or ramble?
Read each sentence slowly and ask, "is it as specific and clear as possible"?
Example of peer reviewer restating writer's main point and asking a question to help clarify her ideas.
Restating main point: Juan (peer reviewer): Rachel, your essay makes a great point that credit card companies often hook students on a cycle of spending. Ask a question to help clarify her ideas: But it sounds as if you're blaming students for their spending habits and credit card companies for their deceptive action. Is this what you want to say?
The first element in "strengthening the content" is what?
Rethinking your argument
Exclamatory sentence
Sentence that shows strong feeling "I feel so sad!" "Today is the best day ever!"
What's the connection between wordlessness and worldliness?
She needed silence (wordlessness) and a shared story about a man's life experience (worldliness) to hear her thoughts, appreciate writing, and find the confidence to write
What did she see in the man?
She saw him as a provider of a quiet place and a man with an interesting story that motivated her to write.
Before moving text, what should be done?
Sketch a revised outline because divisions in the outline might work as topic sentences in the restructured essay.
What does weight feedback carefully mean?
Sort through comments with original goal in mind, and focus on global concerns first (thesis, purpose, content, organization and strategy)
What is a topic sentence?
State the main idea of the paragraphs in the body of an essay
Define imperative sentence
Tells someone to do something. Can be a command or request. It ends with a full stop "Please finish your homework" "Eat your spinach!"
When you offer advice as to how to strengthen a peer's thesis or how to use a visual to convey concise information, you are thinking about what?
The purpose of the thesis and the role of visuals
Example of paragraph that doesn't engage the reader. Why would this paragraph alienate readers? 1. If you chose to buy organic produce, you are supporting local farmers as well as demonstrating your opposition to chemical pesticides. 2. As more and more supermarkets carry organic fruit and vegetables, consumers have fewer reasons not to buy organic. Some consumers do not buy organic produce because they are not willing to spend the extra money. 3.But if you care at all about the environment or the small farmer, you should be willing to support organic farms in your area
The tone is insulting and the readers feel attacked. Explain how the sentences do this: Sentence 2: Assumes that since more stores carry organic products, consumers should buy them. Also presumes that consumers don't buy organic because they are too expensive. There might be other reasons like it's advertised to make a company profit and might not make a significant difference to one's health Sentence 3: -try's to persuade reader to buy organic by making them feel guilty and assuming they don't care about the environment or farmers Ex: But if you care at all about the environment or the small farmer, you should be willing to support organic farms in your area. Choose your words wisely (ex: choosing organic produce provides the *opportunities to make a difference) -"why would the reader assume that his readers didn't care about the environment?" -paragraph needs to be revised to engage readers
Example of essay conclusion that returns to the thesis To conclude his argument essay about the shift form print to online news, the student returns to his thesis "fit to print" from his introduction and echoes his thesis to show the wider importance of his argument
Thesis statement: The shift from print to online news provides unprecedented (novel) opportunities for readers to become more engaged with the news, to to hold journalist accountable, and to participate as producers, not simply consumers Conclusion that returns to thesis: The Internet has enabled consumers to participate in a new way in reading, questioning, interpreting, and reporting the news.
When should you be ready to rewrite the conclusion of your essay?
When it doesn't closely tie to the rest of the essay in both content and tone
How is revision a social process?
When you ask readers for their comments, revision becomes a social experience. Allows instructors, peers, and writing center tutors to provide comments that help to re-see your draft from your readers point of view
Define strategic
carefully designed or planned to serve a particular purpose or advantage.
Define worldliness
the quality of being experienced and sophisticated; familiar with the ways of the worlds "both display wisdom and worldliness of much older men"