COMM 2110 Chapter 3 Listening

Introductory phrases for fact paraphrasing

"so you're saying that..." "what I hearing you saying is...." "you believe that..."

Introductory phrases for feeling paraphrasing

"you feel that...." "your reaction is..." "as I get it, you feel....."

Non-directive Listening Techniques

1. Attending behaviors such as eye contact, leaning toward the speaker. 2. Non-verbal behavior such as "uh, huh", or touching their hands or shoulders. (Be aware of appropriate touching to avoid accusations of harassment later on). 3. Prompting - using prompting or probing questions that encourage the speaker to say more. 4. Appropriate Questions - use questions that help the speaker continue to focus on the topic - avoid advice. 5. Support the speaker - support them as a human being & acknowledge their feelings. Example: "I understand how frustrated you must be." NOT: 'Don't worry about it." 6. Praise the speaker - only use if praise is appropriate. Don't be unauthentic. 7. Paraphrase - Put the speaker's message into your own words.

How do you paraphrase?

1. Listen carefully & completely. 2. Reflect back to the speaker his or her words or feelings. 3. Do not parrot. Do not just repeat back the last few words you heard. 4. Ask the speaker if your interpretation is correct so they can correct you if necessary. 5. Use non-evaluative language. 6. Be nondirective. 7. Practice

When do you use paraphrasing?

1. When the problem is complex. Use paraphrasing only when the complexity of the problem warrants it. 2. When you have time & concern. If you don't have time, make an appointment to meet later. Listening takes a LOT of time. 3. When you are genuinely interested in helping the other person. 4. When you an withhold judgment. 5. When your paraphrasing is proportionate to other responses.

Why should you avoid giving advice when being a listener?

1. You are often in no position to give advice. 2. You ignore the individuality of the speaker by thinking that something that worked for you will work for this person. 3. Offering advice implies a superior-subordinate relationship because giving advice implies that the listener is superior to the sender. 4. Advice may often backfire if adopted by the sender. 5. The troubled partner in the interaction needs to talk or express him/herself rather than to dialogue with the listener. 6. Offering advice indicates a lack of trust in the speaker's ability to solve his/her own problems. 7. Offering advice reduces the speaker's responsibility for clarifying and solving his/her own problem. 8. The speaker may not want advice. 9. Partners resent advice on how to handle job-related issues. 10. A speaker needs a sounding board, someone who cares, someone who can understand. None of these include giving advice.

Barriers to good listening: Ambushing

Ambushing occurs when you have a different agenda as a listener, such as gathering information to ambush the speaker later. Example: listening to anything that might make the speaker appear less than credible - as a result, you don't really listen to what the speaker says To overcome: Be other-centered in your listening efforts.

Non-listening traits: Stage-hogging

Constantly interrupting someone else in order to tell your own story or make the conversation about you

Non-listening traits: Insensitive listening or literal listening

Failing to listen for the nonverbal cues and connotative meanings of a conversation.

Gender differences in attending to nonverbal cues

Females emphasize meaning through nonverbals. They use more eye contact with the other person when they listen. Males emphasize the meaning of words and information exchanged. They use less eye contact with the other person when they listen.

Gender differences in listening goals

Females gain new understanding & insights. Use information to develop relationships. Males listen to solve problems. Listen to reach a conclusion. Show less concern about the relationship and more about the information gained.

Gender differences in attending to information

Females tend to search for the relationships among separate pieces of information. Identify individual facts. Males tend to lok for a new structure or organizational pattern. Listen for the "big picture" and seek the major points communicated.

Difference between hearing & listening

Hearing is the physiological ability to sense sound waves. Listening involves attending to the message and understanding it.

Non-listening traits: Natural tendency to evaluate

Judging what we hear without knowing we are doing it, providing either positive or negative feedback. Example: "Don't worry about it. It's not that big of a deal."

Barriers to good listening: Lack of effort

Listening is an active process that takes a lot of time and effort. Often we don't have the time to listen, and aren't willing to put forth the effort to be a good listener.

Non-listening traits: Ambush listening

Listening long enough and well enough to get some ammunition to use against the other participant in your communication

Non-listening traits: Selective Listening

Listening only to what you want to hear. You block out any information that is contrary to what you want to hear,

Non-listening traits: Defensive Listening

Listening to be able to defend yourself after the conversation. You often think you are going to hear about your faults and other negative feedback regarding your behavior.

Gendered listening differences

Men make fewer noises than women. Women often say "uh huh" & "I know what you mean" to show they are interested in and following the conversation. Men may perceive women's listening noises as agreement rather than attention. Women pay more attention to the relational level of the message & men pay more attention to the content message.

Barriers to good listening: lack of training

People have been listening all their lives, but very few have any training in listening. To overcome: You are taking this class! Take advantage of practicing listening skills.

Barriers to good listening: External Noise

Physical noise. Example: Television in the background, other students talking in the classroom, etc. To overcome: Try to move to another spot with less distractions

Non-listening traits: Pseudo-listening

Pretending to listen

Barriers to good listening: Information Overload

Receiving too much information, too many messages at once Example: Getting too much information in a class lecture - you start to tune out because you can't keep up with the teacher. To overcome: Take a break or ask for a break

Fact & feeling paraphrase

Situation: Jane hasn't been meeting with the group lately. she has missed class and is worried about doing well in the class. Her mom was diagnosed with cancer & it has changed the family. She is having a difficult time seeing her mom go through things. Paraphrase: I can tell you are really worried. I'm sorry to hear about your mom's illness. You and your family are probably confused & upset. You don't know what is going to happen and that is scary. I know you're concerned about how the group will treat you since you've been gone so much. Would that be right?"

Barriers to good listening: Fear

Some people are afraid they will feel inferior, or have a general fear of interpersonal relationships, so it is difficult for them to listen.

How can a person be hearing-impaired and still listen?

The hearing impaired listen to messages through sight, not hearing. They attend to messages and understand them through sign language and lip reading.

Barriers to good listening: Information complexity

Trying to listen to information that is too difficult to understand. We want to give up as listeners. Example: Listening to someone talk about geothermal nuclear war when you are a college freshman and have no background about nuclear war. To overcome: Ask Questions. Try to understand a small piece of the information.

Listening

active, time-consuming communication skill that requires all of your attention. Includes attending,

Bypassing

miscommunication that occurs when individuals think they understand each other but actually miss each other's meaning - common in gender communication. Remember example of Darla & Dave from the text