Exam 3

Conflict and why it happens in relationships -- interdependence

- Conflict is "an expressed struggle between at least two interdependent parties who perceive incompatible goals, scarce resources, and interference from others in achieving their goals" - Conflict is most likely when incompatible goals are important to both people and are difficult to obtain because there is interference from one another or from others - When people are interdependent, a lack of compatibility can interfere with each person's ability to reach personal goals - The way people manage conflict is more important than how much people disagree - Conflict can be beneficial when it is managed productively - Satisfied couples are more likely to discuss issues of disagreement, whereas dissatisfied couples are more likely to minimize or avoid conflict - By confronting disagreement, relational partners can manage their differences in ways that enhance closeness and relational stability - Couples who handle conflict in a calm, collaborative fashion tend to be satisfied with their relationships and are less likely to break up - Partners who stay together after fighting gain a greater mutual understanding of their feelings, feel like they can solve problems together, and are confident that they would both be willing to make sacrifices for each other - Partners who break up after fighting report feeling uncertain about their relationship --> they discover negative information about their partner and feel like it's better to breakup

Long distance relationships and idealization

- Long-distance relationships can also be challenging to maintain - Long distance relationships are as stable and satisfying and perhaps more emotionally intense than proximal relationships - Lack of face-to-face communication is frustrating - Romantic partners in long-distance relationships also need to ensure that their positive perceptions of each other are not a function of idealization --> this may be the biggest challenge facing long-distance partners who wish to maintain their relationships Challenges: - lack of face-to-face communication, which is believed to be the glue that holds romantic relationships together - prevents partners in long-distance relationships from displaying nonverbal affection, sharing most activities or tasks, and engaging in the same type of daily routine talk as couples in proximal relationships do - people in long-distance relationships generally use less maintenance behavior, such as openness, assurances, and joint activities, than people in geographically close relationships - Yet, many long-distance couples maintain happy relationships Idealization - occurs when people describe their relationship and their partner in glowing, overly positive terms that sometimes reflect unrealistic expectations - has been offered as an explanation for why some long-distance relationships stay satisfying despite the lack of face-to-face interaction - this type of idealization keeps people committed to their relationships; dating couples are more likely to believe that they are going to get married one day if they idealize each other - partners in romantic long-distance relationships often think about how great their lives would be if they could be with their partners more of the time, making idealization more likely because "absence indeed makes the heart grow fonder" in this case - although idealization helps long-distance partners maintain their relationships, it can also lead to difficulties when relationship becomes closer - idealization may also be fueled by some of the communication patterns that typically occur in long-distance relationships, including reliance on mediated communication (texting/snapchat and social media etc.) and the tendency to be on one's best behavior when together - romantic couples and friends who are in long-distance relationships use social media, texting, phone calls, Facetime etc. to maintain closeness more than do people who live near one another

Are all co-habitating couples the same? Which will likely fail?

- Most couples initially view cohabitation as a transitional period that occurs between dating and marriage, or as sort of a precursor to marriage - Cohabiting relationships are characterized by positive interaction and low levels of destructive conflict are usually as stable and satisfying as happy marriages - So basically it's best to be cohabiting if you are engaged or planning on getting married and are on the same page with your partner of when you are going to get married - When couples make the transition from dating to cohabiting there is a decline in satisfaction but an increase in commitment --> there are also more constraints keeping the couple from breaking up such as shared bills and possessions, common social network, a more public display of commitment all work to keep cohabiting couples together - Time in the relationship may be a better predictor of relational satisfaction than whether a couple lived together before marriage --> satisfaction levels appear to decrease over time in marriages regardless of whether couples cohabited or not - Time may also be a better predictor of communication patterns than whether a couple cohabited or not --> over time there is less satisfaction, less sexual interaction, more conflict and more heated arguing over time --> cohabiting couples reported the most conflict and most likely to report violent behavior, followed by transitioned couples, married couples reported the least amount of conflict - Cohabiting relationships are most likely to be high satisfaction and high-quality communication when the couple plans to marry - It is important that the has congruent perceptions about the future of the relationship and when they will marry --> couples who plan to marry either fast/slow were the best in terms of relational satisfaction and better communication --> this suggest that partners who are engaged and have a similar view of when they will marry have the easiest time maintaining their relationships - People who choose to cohabit rather than marry have certain preexisting personal characteristics and attitudes that make it less likely that their relationships will last (greater acceptance of divorce and premarital sex, stronger needs for autonomy, more negative feelings about marriage) - Couples who cohabit before marriage are more likely to divorce than couples who do not - The timing of cohabitation makes a difference --> couples who wait to move in together until after they are engaged are less prone to divorce than couples who move in together without being engaged - Couples who do not live together prior to marriage are more satisfied with their relationships than cohabiting couples or couples who transition from cohabitation to marriage - Cohabitors who planned to get married were just as satisfied with their relationships as married couples, whereas cohabitors who did not plan to marry were less satisfied - Couples who waited to move in together until they were engaged had better marriages than those who moved in earlier -

Friends with benefits and uncertainty

- Some friends decide to have sex but stay friends rather than become a romantic couple - Compared to other types of relationships, the friends-with-benefits relationship is probably one of the most challenging to maintain Sources of uncertainty included: - how they should label their relationship - how their relationship might change in the future - how they felt about each other now that they were having sex - whether they could stay friends - how they could maintain their relationship - Many participants in friends-with-benefits relationships worry about the possibility of developing romantic feelings --> this leads to some uncertainty about their friends-with-benefits relationship - 76% report they do not initiate any discussion about these issues - 66% report they never negotiated any ground rules for the relationship Disadvantages: - worried that unreciprocated romantic feelings, jealousy, or hurt might develop, all of which could harm the friendship - concern about developing romantic feelings was the top disadvantage - lack of commitment (some also said this was an advantage though) - for partners who do not want to be more than friends unreciprocated feelings that the other person does want to be more than friends is a concern whereas those who want the relationship to turn into more the lack of commitment would be seen as a disadvantage Challenges: - one friend wanting the relationship to turn romantic while the other person does not - an ex using sex to try to get a former partner back when the partner just wants a friends-with-benefits relationship 1) True Friends - close friends who add sex to their friendship but don't consider themselves a couple even though they care about each other as friends 2) Network Opportunism - partners within the same social network who are not particularly close but serve as a "sexual backup" if neither of them are with anyone else 3) Just Sex - sexual partners whose interaction revolves almost exclusively around planning and having sex without any real emotional connection 4) Transition Out/Ex-Sex - former romantic partners who are no longer an official couple but continue or resume their sex relationship sometime after they break up 5) Intentional Transition In - partners decide to start out in a friends-with-benefits relationship with the intention of becoming a couple if everything goes well and then they successfully make the transition to a romantic relationship 6) Unintentional Transition In -partners intend to keep the relationship as friends with benefits but end up emotionally attached and become a couple 7) Failed Transition - one or both partners enter the friends-with-benefits relationship with the intention of eventually becoming a couple, but instead they do not move beyond being friends with benefits

Pro-Social communication (p. 386)

- focus on reestablishing closeness and connection rather than solving problems - for example, people try to repair their relationships by being more affectionate, spending more time together, stressing commitment, saying "I love you" more, and doing favors for one another - these behaviors are also related to feeling hopeful

Comparison Level

- involves the expectation of the kinds of outcomes a person expects to receive in a relationship - this expectation is based on the person's past relational experiences and personal observations of other people's relationships - for example, if a girl has had really good relationships in the past and her parents and friends all tend to have happy relationships, she would have a high comparison level --> thus, even if her outcome in her relationship is positive, it might still be lower than what she expected, leading her to be unhappy - comparison levels also influence how much positive behavior people expect from their partners - maintenance behaviors included actions such as showing commitment to the partner, being positive and cheerful around the partner, and sharing tasks in a fair manner --> these behaviors can be thought of as "rewards" in a relationship - people tend to be

Investment Model of relationships (don't need to memorize the diagram, just premise of the model)

- the investment model of relationship maintaining behavior rests on the idea that commitment helps buffer relationships against the destruction that hurtful events and conflict can cause Satisfaction Investments Alternatives Commitment Decision to Remain Tendency to Accommodate Derogation of Alternatives Willingness to Sacrifice Perceived Superiority Stability commitment leads people to use behaviors that help them maintain their relationships even when problems or dissatisfaction occur. This model is an extension of the original investment model, which focuses on how satisfaction, investments, and alternatives predict commitment

Obsessive Relational Intrusion, 1 reason people do it

-Unwanted behaviors that invade someone's privacy and are used for the purpose of trying to get close to someone -Sometimes the would-be-lover does not accept rejection and instead persistently pursues the object of his or her affection - ORI includes annoying behavior such as repeated calls or texts, malicious behavior such as spreading false rumors, stalking behaviors such as following someone everywhere, and even violent behavior such as kidnapping or assault People expend energy to develop or reinitiate relationships to the extent that they perceive a relationship is desirable and attainable Shift in Motivation - people abandon relationship pursuit and instead try to get revenge against their partner for rejecting them - when this shift occurs, ORI sometimes escalates to stalking, wherein someone repeatedly harasses another person in a way that threatens the individual's safety

Forgiveness - 3 components and why each is needed (p. 392-393)

1) Acknowledgement of Harmful Conduct 2) Extension of Undeserved Mercy 3) Emotional Transformation 4) Relationship Renegotiation 1) Acknowledgement of Harmful Conduct - for forgiveness to be necessary, one or both partners must acknowledge that there has been wrongdoing - behavior that requires forgiveness in one relationship may be acceptable in another relationship 2) Extension of Undeserved Mercy - the hurt person must make a decision to extend mercy to the partner - the decision to forgive sets the process of forgiveness in motion and makes statements such as "I forgive you" meaningful 3) Emotional Transformation - forgiveness involves an emotional transformation that allows hurt individuals to let go of negative feelings - when individuals are hurt, their natural reaction is to get revenge, seek restitution, or avoid the person who hurt them - forgiveness entails getting rid of these impulses and instead feeling positively about oneself and the partner - positive forms of communication when they forgive their partner include talking over issues and calmly renegotiating relationship rules, once they have forgiven their partner VS negative forms of communication when they do not forgive their partner include engaging in more vengeful communication such as arguing and name-calling, de-escalation of the relationship such as breaking up or dating others, or avoidance 4) Relationship Renegotiation - forgiveness entails renegotiating the nature of the relationship, including rules and expectations for future behavior - forgiveness does not always entail reconciliation - sometimes the hurt individual is motivated to reconcile with the partner but other times the relationship de-escalates or ends even though forgiveness is granted

Pro-Relationship Behaviors, know 2

1) Deciding to Remain in the Relationship - first and most important step is deciding to remain in the relationship - people who encounter serious problems or conflict in their relationships sometimes give up or decide it would be better to end the relationship - without a commitment by the partners to stay in the relationship and work through the problems, the relationship is unlikely to survive 2) Accommodating the Partner - when people are in a highly committed relationship, they are more likely to curb the tendency to respond to negative events with more negativity or to avoid the person who has hurt them ("fight or flight") by engaging in more positive behavior - being able to accommodate the partner by acting constructively rather than destructively is especially important because it helps break negative cycles and prevents further escalation of negative behavior

Equity Theory, how it explains relational maintenance; Know two principles of Equity Theory

1) Individuals try to maximize their benefits so that the benefits they receive in their relationships outweigh their costs and contributions 2) When individuals are in inequitable relationships, they will experience distress which will lead them to try to restore equity -- the more distress they experience, the harder they will try to alleviate that stress 3) Individuals in equitable relationships experience more satisfaction --> they also engage in more prosocial communication, including relational maintenance behavior, than individuals in inequitable relationships - Focuses on determining whether the distribution of resources is fair on both relational partners - Equity is measured by comparing the ratio of contributions (or costs) and benefits (or rewards) for each person - the key word being RATIO 1 - Relationships that are characterized by equity as well as high levels of benefits are most likely to be satisfying 2 - Relationships that are inequitable with benefits outweighing costs should also be satisfying, especially if the benefits are high and the inequity is fairly small 3 - Relationships that are equitable with costs outweighing benefits are likely to be perceived as fair but somewhat dissatisfying 4 - Inequitable relationships in which costs outweigh benefits are the least satisfying Gottman: Found successful marriages have a positive/negative exchange ratio of 5:1, unsuccessful have 1:1 A primary goal of Behavioural Couples Therapy is to increase the ratio and break negative patterns. 2/3rds reported significant improvements in relationship after receiving therapy. Equity theory is an extension of social exchange theory (social interactions are transactions) with the assumption that people strive to achieve fairness in their relationships, and become distressed if they perceive unfairness. People who give a lot and get little in return will perceive inequity and become dissatisfied. The same is true for those who give little and receive lots.

2 examples of prosocial relational communication behaviors

1) Positivity - making interactions pleasant and enjoyable (giving compliments, acting cheerful) 2) Openness - talking and listening to one another (self-disclosing, sharing secrets, asking how the partners day went) 3) Assurances - giving each other assurances about commitment (assuring the other you still care, talking about the future) 4) Social Networking - spending time with each other's social network (going to family functions together, accepting each other's friends) 5) Task Sharing - performing routine tasks and chores relevant to the relationship together (sharing household chores, planning finances together) - Couples who regularly use these five maintenance behaviors tend to have relationships characterized by high levels of satisfaction, commitment, liking, love, and tend to have overlapping identities which may lead them to want to work together and share resources

Relational Maintenance

1) Relational maintenance involves keeping a relationship in existence - some relationships are kept in existence through extensive contact, and others require minimal effort - social networking such as Facebook allows people to keep in touch with one another without having to invest time and effort into communicating with each individual "friend" one-on-one - sending holiday or birthday cards to people you don't have much contact with during the year to keep the relationship in existence 2) Relational maintenance involves keeping a relationship in a specified state or condition, or at a stable level of intimacy, so that the status quo is maintained - friends might work to keep their relationship from becoming romantic - sisters may try to keep their relationship as close as ever despite living in different cities 3) Relational maintenance can involve keeping a relationship in satisfactory condition - dating and married couples often try to rekindle the romance in their relationships to keep them satisfying by having a candlelit dinner or spending a weekend away together - friends might plan a weekend ski trip together to catch up with each other and have fun 4) Relational maintenance involves keeping a relationship in repair - people work to prevent problems from occurring in their relationships and to fix problems when they do occur - These four components of relational maintenance overlap - A critical part of keeping a relationship satisfying is preventing and correcting problems - An important part of keeping a relationship in existence is keeping it satisfying - Relational maintenance is about keeping a relationship at a desired level > this could be casual friendship, professional association, lover etc. > For other relationships, physical and emotional closeness are desired, which typically require more sustained maintenance efforts - Keeping a relationship at a desired level does not necessarily mean that a relationship remains at the same level of closeness over time > as people's desires change, the way they define and maintain their relationships also cahnge -Maintenance is a dynamic process that involves continually adjusting to new needs and demands

Types of Infidelity

1) Sexual - sexual activity with someone other than one's long-term partner 2) Emotional - emotional involvement with another person, which leads one's partner to channel "emotional resources such as romantic love, time, and attention to someone else" - suspecting that your partner loves or confides in someone else more than you is an example of emotional infidelity 3) Communicative - when people engage in sexual activity with a third party to communicate a message to their partner - people sometimes use communicative infidelity to send messages related to jealousy, sex, or revenge or to signal to their partner that they are dissatisfied with the sexual activity in their current relationship 4) Online - romantic or sexual contact facilitated by internet use that is considered to violate relationship rules regarding faithfulness

Negative patterns of conflict: 4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse, negative reciprocity, demand/withdrawal, attribution hypothesis (don't need to memorize the diagram); gunnysacking or kitchen sinking, emotional flooding

4 Horsemen of the Apocalypse - a destructive conflict pattern that includes the following four behaviors 1) complaints/criticisms 2) contempt/disgust 3) defensiveness 4) stonewalling Negative Reciprocity - a pattern whereby aggression begets more aggression - once one person uses competitive or indirect fighting the other person is likely to follow suit Demand/Withdrawal - occurs when one person wants to engage in conflict or demands change whereas the other partner wants to avoid the topic and/or demanding the person and maintain the status quo Attribution Hypothesis (don't need to memorize the diagram) - according to this hypothesis, people in happy relationships tend to make relationship-enhancing attributions whereas people in unhappy relationships tend to make distress maintaining attributions Gunny-sacking or kitchen sinking - occurs when people store up old grievances and then dump them on their partner during a conflict Emotional flooding - occurs when people become surprised, overwhelmed, and disorganized by their partner's expressions of negative emotion during a conflict situation causing them to feel high levels of arousal that can inhibit effective conflict management

Relational Dialectics Theory - not types of tensions, but what does it help explain about relations

A perspective that indicates people have opposing interpersonal needs that exist in dynamic tension, that these tensions are evident in discourse and that the success of relationships depends on how we manage these tensions

Attachment Theory and healthy vs. less healthy attachment styles, links to conflict styles

A social-developmental approach that helps account for how interactions between children and their caregivers initially shape peoples attachment styles and as a result how they communicate in relationships across their lifespan Secure- A social interaction style based on positive models of self and positive models of others. People with this style are comfortable getting close to and depending on others, seldom worry about being abandoned and strive for a balance of autonomy and closeness in relationships. less healthy attachment styles, Avoidant- A social interaction style where the person is uncomfortable getting close to or depending on others. Children with avoidant attachment styles engage in limited social interaction. Adults with value autonomy over relational closeness. Anxious-ambivalent children- A social interaction style where someone tends to be over-involved demanding and dependent on their partner; someone who uses this style tends to value relational closeness over autonomy. links to conflict styles

Uncertainty Reduction Theory

A theory based on the idea that uncertainty is generally negative and that the driving force in initial encounters is obtaining information about the other person in order to reduce uncertainty about her or him a theory suggesting that people are motivated to reduce their uncertainty about others theory suggesting that people find uncertainty to be unpleasant, so they are motivated to reduce their uncertainty by getting to know others a driving human motivation to increase predictability by reducing the unknown in one's circumstances

Expectancy Violation Theory

A theory that predicts how people react to unexpected interpersonal behavior based on social norms, expectations, and the reward value of other communicators

Relational Transgression

Actions that violate implicit or explicit relational rules One partner's violation of the explicit or implicit terms of the relationship, letting the other one down in some important way a violation of the explicit or implicit terms of a relationship, letting the partner down in some important way when one partner violates the explicit or implicit terms of the relationship, letting the other one down in some important way

Apologies (what makes one effective? p. 388-390)

Apologies are most effective when they: 1) are voluntary 2) acknowledge wrongdoing 3) elicit empathy 4) include promises to behave better in the future

Common Couple Violence versus Intimate Terrorism

Common couple violence - occurs when conflict spins out of control and partners resort to using violence as a way to vent their emotions and try to control conflict Intimate Terrorism - a strategic enduring pattern that involves using violence to control a partner

Metacommunication

Communication that indicates how verbal information should be interpreted; stimuli surrounding the verbal communication that also have meaning, which may or may not be congruent with that of or support the verbal talk "Talk about the talk"

6 conflict styles, vary by degree of directness and cooperation

DIRECT 1) Competitive Fighting - aka direct fighting, distributive, dominating, controlling, and contentious Direct and Very Uncooperative - People with a competing style try to control the interaction so they have more power than their partner - In their attempts to achieve dominance, individuals who employ competing strategies use several tactics: confrontational remarks, accusations, personal criticisms, threats, name-calling, blaming the partner, sarcasm and hostile jokes 2) Compromising Direct and Cooperative - Compromise involves searching for a fair, intermediate position that satisfies some of both partner's needs - With compromise, people need to give something up to reach a solution that will meat at least some of their goals - Compromising behaviors include appealing to fairness, suggesting a trade-off, maximizing wins while minimizing losses, offering a quick, short-term resolution to the conflict 3) Collaborating Direct and Very Cooperative - aka integrating, solution oriented, problem solving, and negotiation - Collaborating focuses on cooperative problem solving that helps people find creative solutions that satisfy both partners' needs and lead to a win-win situation - Collaborating is a better option than compromising because both people have met their goals rather than each person having to give up something in order to get something - Another difference between compromising and collaborating styles is that compromising usually involves modifying preexisting solutions, whereas collaborating involves creating new solutions - Collaborating style opens lines of communication, increases information seeking and sharing, and maintains relationships for future interaction - Tactics associated with the collaborating style include: expressing agreement, making descriptive or disclose statements, being supportive, accepting responsibility, brainstorming ideas, and soliciting parter opinions INDIRECT 4) Indirect Fighting Indirect and Very Uncooperative - aka passive aggression, active distancing, patterns of negative withdrawal - Examples of indirect fighting include failing to acknowledge or validate the partner's concerns, ignoring the partner, holding a grudge, using a whiny voice, giving the partner cold or dirty looks, angrily leaving the scene, rolling one's eyes, and administering the silent treatment --> all of these behaviors express aggression or disagreement in an indirect manner that can shut down discussion about the conflict issue - indirect fighting may be even more detrimental to relationships than competitive fighting because it is an indirect strategy --> at least competitive fighting involves engaging in direct, verbal communication that might bring important issues to the forefront 5) Avoiding Indirect and Uncooperative 6) Yielding Indirect and Cooperative Competitive fighting- A direct and uncooperative conflict style that often involves using verbally aggressive behaviors such as name calling. Compromsing- A direct and moderately cooperative conflict style that involves giving up some things you want to get other things you want. Collabrating- A direct and cooperative conflict style that involves creative problem solving and finding new solutions that meet both parties' needs. Indirect fighting- an indirect and uncooperative conflict style that involves using passive-aggressive behaviors such as rolling one's eyes or pulling away from one's partner. Avoiding- an indirect style that is neither inherently cooperative or uncooperative and involves tactics such as avoiding a topic, changing the subject or agreeing to disagree. Yielding- an indirect and cooperative conflict style that involves one partner giving into and accomodating the other partner

Power as enabling or disabling

Disabling when it leads to destructive patterns of communication VS Enabling when expressed through self-confidence and is expressive leads to good communication and helps achieve goals and maintaining relationships

Know 2 effective strategies to end a relationship and Know 2 strategies to heal after separation

Effective Strategies to End a Relationship 1) negotiated farewell 2) fading away Strategies to Heal After Separation 1) Disclosing one's feelings to others 2) Writing out one's feelings

Other study tips: 1) focus on understanding what the concept or theory is attempting to explain about relational communication, more than memorizing every detail of the charts or sub-parts of the theory. 2) there are some central concepts introduced in earlier sections of the course that are foundational for this unit. You may find the following concepts useful to be familiar with. 3) I will provide the list of terms provided here from this unit on the exam as a vocabulary sheet. 4) Finally, If the concept is not listed below, it is not required on the exam.

I decided to streamline the final exam. Instead of a multiple choice and fill in the blank question format, I will select 8 concepts from the list below. You will have the opportunity to select 3 concepts to answer. For each you will be asked to a) define it in your own words (5 points) and b) explain how the concept is linked to (or important for) the study of communication in close relationships (3 points)

Power

Individuals perceived ability to control or influence as well as to resist the influence attempts of others

Relational Redefinition

Instead of breaking up and getting back together again, some romantic relationships shift from a romance to a friendship, or from spouses to coparents. People usually do not make a clean break after breaking up, especially if they were in a long-term relationship and had a shared social network. If mutual respect and admiration exists between partners, a platonic friendship may emerge. Contact is especially likely if the couple has children together, or hold liberal social values. Some former spouses become coparents without being friends. Many former spouse stay connected through social network that includes joint children and family get-togethers. Some former spouses become or remain good friends after their divorce.

1-2 Strategies to manage jealousy effectively

Integrative Communication - is direct non-aggressive communication that involves disclosing feelings such as having a calm discussion about hurtful behaviors and trying to reach an understanding so that jealousy is avoided in the future Compensatory Restoration - behavior aimed at improving the primary relationship or oneself, including trying to look more physically attractive and giving the partner gifts or extra attention - the idea here is to show the partner that he or she will be happier staying in the current relationship than trying something new

Intersectional Identity

Intersectionality is represented as an analytic framework that attempts to identify how interlocking systems of power impact those who are most marginalized in society. Intersectionality considers that various forms of social stratification, such as class, race, sexual orientation, age, religion, creed, disability and gender, do not exist separately from each other but are interwoven together.

Jealousy versus envy

Jealousy - thoughts and feelings about losing something you value such as a good relationship, due to interference from a rival Envy - wanting something you value that someone else has

Relational Control Moves: one-up, one-down, neutral

One-up- dominant or controlling messages One-down- deferent submissive or accepting messages Neutral- messages that are neither dominant or submissive

Sternberg's Triangle Theory of love - as a definition of love (intimacy, passion, commitment)

Passion combined with intimacy is romantic love Commitment mixed with intimacy is friendship love Liking is intimacy alone. Infatuation is passion alone Empty love is just commitment. Consummate love is all three

Power as a Prerogative

Powerful people can violate norms, break relational rules and manager interactions without as much cost as less powerful people the partner with more power can make and break the rules

Link between attachment style and how people respond to hurt (p. 387)

SECURE Secure - people with secure attachment styles are independent but also value being in close relationships with others - individuals with the secure attachment style use affection and assurances (kissing, hugging, talking about the future) positivity (acting cheerful and affectionate while also avoiding criticism), and punishments (giving the partner the cold shoulder, leaving without telling the partner when one would return) repair strategies more than fearful attachment - Securely attached individuals also used more affection and assurances than dismissive individuals - unlikely to use Exit and Neglect and likely to use Voice INSECURE Dismissive - highly independent to the point that they prioritize their own activities over their relationships --> they value their independence over their relationships - Use less affection and assurance repair strategies than secure attachment Preoccupied - value relationships over independence to the point that they rely on their relationships with others to make them feel good about themselves - more likely to use destructive behaviors like Neglect and Exit Fearful - do not feel good about themselves or their relationships - they have low self-esteem and worry that partners will reject or leave them, often because they have been hurt in past relationships - more likely to use destructive behaviors like Neglect and Exit - individuals with the fearful attachment style use affection and assurances (kissing, hugging, talking about the future) positivity (acting cheerful and affectionate while also avoiding criticism), and punishments (giving the partner the cold shoulder, leaving without telling the partner when one would return) repair strategies less than secure attachment

Social Exchange Theory

Social exchange theory proposes that social behavior is the result of an exchange process. The purpose of this exchange is to maximize benefits and minimize costs According to this theory people weigh the potential benefits and risks of social relationships When the risks outweigh the rewards, people will terminate or abandon that relationships

The case study will be about a relationship problem. Your assignment will be to apply course concepts to identify the likely sources of the relationship problem, types of conflict styles and conflict patterns you detect and strategies you would suggest to try to mend this relationship.

Sources of Relationship Problems - Types of Conflict Styles and Conflict Patterns - Strategies to Try to Mend this Relationship -

Spillover and Socialization Effects of conflict

Spillover effect - Negative effects arise because parents who engage in dysfunctional conflict are also likely to have dysfunctional parenting styles - children who witness their parents engaging in frequent, aggressive conflict are more likely to have trouble interacting with their peers and performing at their full potential in school Socialization Effect - Negative effects arise because children adopt conflict styles similar to their parents' conflict styles

Power of the least interested

Suggests that if a difference exists in the intensity of positive feelings between partners, the partner who feels more positive is at a power disadvantage

Dominance

The display or expression of power through behavior

Identity Management, Face

The process people use to project and maintain a positive image to others Positive face - the favorable image that people portray to others and hope to have validated by others Negative face - reflects our desire to be free from imposition and restraint and to have control over our own territory possessions time space and resources

Relational Interdependence

The way people become intertwined and dependent on each other after developing a relationship with one another

Communication causes: withdrawal, negative communication, abusiveness

Withdrawal - one person pulling away from the relationship Negative Communication - disagreements happen but don't have to be done. Most people who end because of arguments and such are caused because of the fact that they are dealt with in a destructive manner Abusiveness - insults, name-calling, personal criticisms

Deception, motives for it

deception = lying Motives: - to avoid hurting someone - self-focused such as wanting to enhance or protect their self-image - want to limit relational harm by avoiding conflict

Gottman's 5 to 1 Ratio for relational stability and predicting divorce (class)

for every negative interaction during a conflict, a stable and happy marriage has five (or more) positive interactions

Prosocial behaviors (p. 259-260)

- positivity, openness and routine talk - assurances, social networking - task sharing - supportiveness - joint activities - romance and affection - humor - constructive conflict management

2 examples of verbal influence strategies (compliance-gaining strategies)

1) Direct Requests - simple request or asking - examples could be asking "will you turn down the stereo please?" or saying "I really wish you wouldn't swear in public" - effective, especially in relationships with high levels of mutual respect - the most satisfied couples typically use direct strategies 2) Bargaining - agreeing to do something for someone if the person does something in return - influence attempt has also been called promising and the quid pro quo strategy - for example, if one partner agrees to something then the other partner gives up something in return

Know 2 types of hurtful messages and types of responses to them (p. 348-9)

1) Evaluation - negative judgments of worth, value or quality ("This relationship has been a waste of my time!") 2) Accusation - charges about a person's faults or actions ("You are a selfish and rude person") 1) Active Verbal Responses - focuses on confronting one's partner about hurtful remarks - example could be questioning the partner and asking for an explanation 2) Acquiescent responses - instead of talking about the hurtful message, people give in and acknowledge the partner's ability to inflict hurt - example could be people might cry and apologize "I'm sorry I make you feel that way" or concede "Fine, I won't see him anymore" - people use acquiescent responses when they are deeply hurt by something a close relational partner said - the quickest way for people to stop emotional pain may be to give in and acknowledge their feelings

2 Effective listening tips and 2 other effective conflict management strategies

1) Let your partner speak 2) Put yourself in their place - Don't jump to conclusions - Ask questions - Paraphrase what your partner says

Supportive Communication

A style of communicating that has a specific set of goals and techniques The primary goal of supportive communication is to resolve conflict or achieve change in a situation while preserving, even strengthening, the relationship between the communicating individuals

Agency

An empowering aspect of experience where a person is able to freely control the surrounding environment, including social interactions and relationships

Truth Bias

People expect others to be honest so they enter conversations without suspicion and do not look for deceptive behavior the tendency to believe what someone says, in the absence of a reason not to The tendency of people to judge more messages as truthful than deceptive

Traditional versus egalitarian marriage

Traditional Marriage - based on a form of benevolent make dominance coupled with clearly specialized roles - example would be women cooking and men fixing things Egalitarian Marriage - both spouses are employed, both are actively involved in parenting and both share in the responsibilities and duties of the household